Residents of a community somewhere in southern California are coming forward with serious allegations of discrimination, forced behavior, and restrictions on personal freedom.

Compared by its residents to ‘prison’ the community apparently forces them to wear white robes at all times and to sing hymns for the community’s dictatorial administrator. That’s not the worst of it though – residents are not allowed to leave the premises… ever! Continue Reading

SOUTH OAKLAND, CA —Glossy News Harold Camping [the American Christian radio host who falsely prophesied that the world would end on May 21] suffered a stroke in June but is slowly recovering. Acting on God’s advice, he will soon be able to return home. Mr. and Mrs. Camping expressed their thankfulness for his stroke rehab therapy, saying “all the glory goes to God,” Mrs. Camping continued on Mr. Camping’s behalf, “as Harold’s recovery is in God’s hands and according to His timing.” Continue Reading

New York, NY – GlossyNews.com – “DEMONS OF VOLATILITY, COME OUT!”

So declaimed the Rev. Buster Shillerberg yesterday afternoon on the steps of the New York Stock Exchange. The diminutive Reverend Shillerberg spoke in loud oracular tones that rolled like thunder over a bemused crowd of well-dressed Wall Street types watching from the sidewalk.

“DEMONS OF SELL-OFFS. DEMONS OF SHORT-SELLING. DEMONS OF PUT OPTIONS. DEMONS OF SHEEP-LIKE PANIC OVER GREEK DEBT, OVER THE EURO, OVER THE GULF OIL SPILL… I COMMAND YOU TO COME OUT!” Continue Reading

Harold Camping, whose prediction about the Rapture failed to materialize, has admitted using clues gleaned from the now canceled ABC series LOST to calculate the date. “I don’t know what went wrong,” he lamented, wiping the tears from his eyes with hundred dollar bills. “The clues were all there.  My math was right. I’m not sure exactly what the hell happened!” Continue Reading

Well, I had every good intention of giving the End of the World* my undivided attention.

Unfortunately, I had several things on my to do list that took precedence and, before I knew it, the day was upon me. Looked at my watch and it was half past midnight on the 21st of May.

Oh sure, I know I have until 6 p.m. to get something written about the world coming to an end today, but honestly, my day is pretty much packed with other stuff to do. Continue Reading

Deputy Secretary of Defense Scott Turlock spoke from the Pentagon this week to announce news that portends even more paradigm challenges for the United States military forces.

“Well we don’t know how he got there either. Our plate’s pretty full right now just trying to make the new gay policy happen. We’ve asked Congress for money to buy bigger plates, but that’s stuck in conference right now, so we messed up. I know it’s an honored tradition in the military since World War Two, there are no ‘atheists in foxholes’ but turns out there is one.” Continue Reading

To casual observers Kathy Klavan might seem just another middle class homemaker raising her children in this Atlanta suburb, but her heart burns with a defining passion. She wants Home Depot punished for its efforts to destroy America.

“Yeah, Calvin and I are very active in our community” said the attractive brunette from her Druid Hills home. “But I’m originally from the Chicago area, so I naturally take a wider view of what’s happening in our country.” Continue Reading

The Taliban, recognizing the similarities between their doctrines and that of the Christian Right, have started an Evangelical Taliban branch in the U.S.

Spokesman Tali Wozati stated “Although Christian fundamentalists are heathen dogs who will burn in Hell fire for eternity, we find parts of their creed to be attractive- intolerance for anything not of your religion, repression of women, ignorance of individual rights, moral control over others and committing atrocities in the name of God to cite a few.” Continue Reading

Raleigh NC – GlossyNews.com – For unemployed twentysomething Reginald J Wainsborough the good news was that when his Uncle Harley died a month ago he left Reginald a diamond brooch worth $1 million. The bad news was that Uncle Harley’s will neglected to mention where the brooch was stored. That left Reginald hiring an expensive P.I. to track down the brooch.

“I was fairly sure it was in a safe deposit box,” says Reginald. “But the P.I. couldn’t find one in Uncle Harley’s name anywhere in the U.S. I was getting desperate. That brooch was my sole source of income or potential income and I could not find it. Continue Reading

This year’s Nielsen Prayer Ratings, considered an important indicator of sociological trends, put numbers to anticipated demographic shifts, yet contained surprises too.

While “Please don’t let her be pregnant” prayers showed expected growth among males 18-25, the 2011 NPR garnered controversy and condemnation among traditional ‘big box’ religious outlets. The study shows a decided move towards secularism. Seen as even more troubling by religion providers is a market share gain for non-mainstream sects. Continue Reading

Raisin, TX-The East Texas town of Raisin has found itself in a predictable predicament culminating from the holier-than-thou atmosphere that often pervades small towns across the United States.

When you approach Raisin, a town of 2500 that sits in a dale along a two-lane highway, a gigantic weathered sign depicts an intimate close-up of a strikingly Aryan Jesus on what is arguably one of his worst days. Continue Reading

THE VATICAN, ROME —BobZaguy Socio-political similarities have surfaced between the two most famous world-class conservative church leaders who publicly don’t seem to pay much mind to each other.
However, two bone-shaking statements were made a few days apart by the two men and have most of the world’s religious pundits looking for a pin to stand on. Continue Reading

Panama City, FL. (GlossyNews.com) – School superintendent Bill Husfelt, who survived a gunman’s vendetta during a board meeting on Tuesday, claims God protected him when suspect Clay Duke opened fire on him and his colleagues. “God was standing in front of me, and I’ll go to my grave believing that”, he was quoted as saying.

Fortunately for Mr. Husfelt, he won’t have to wait until he’s six feet under to find out, as the Supreme Being sent out a divine press release today confirming that He did, in fact, intervene on the board member’s behalf. Continue Reading

The mother Church of Christendom was roiled this week by excerpts from a new book by Pope Benedict LVMCIII. The book, “Because I said So” has stirred controversy due to several passages wherein the Pontiff clarifies condom use.

Somewhere in chapter XVII of the lengthy tome, Benedict writes the following: Continue Reading

ALANSON, Mich. (Glossy News) — When news reached Heaven that a Midwestern militia was discovered training Jesus on handling the upcoming rapture, the Son of God laughed and exclaimed, “I need a militia to help me like I need an asshole on my elbow. And If I needed an asshole on my elbow, we’d all have one.”

According to a popular book that is available at every bookstore in the U.S., unless the store has XXX over the doorway, Jesus has the backing of the most powerful being in the Universe, who actually invented men. Continue Reading

Vatican City (GlossyNews.com) – Monsignor Alda Frattelli has responded to tabloid claims that the proposed Sainthood for American president, Barack Obama, has been tabled for now and his Holiness will review it in about ten or twenty years.

“Yes, that is true. The Holy See has decided to review it at a much later date to see if Mr. Obama can pull off a few extra miracles besides the one of himself getting elected.” Continue Reading