In what is no doubt the weirdest court case since John Goodman sued the makers of the film The Blob for title copyright infringement, music star Adele has won a dramatic and painstaking lawsuit against an America teenager.

Her case was won on the grounds of a joke at her expense on the internet.

The drama all started back in late February when, upon seeing Adele perform for the first time on the Academy Awards, Joey Trolman, 19, of New Jersey wrote this as a Facebook status: “Gee, no wonder Adele is ‘rolling in the deep’: her mattress imprint is big enough for a kiddie pool!” Read the full story

For those of you who find most of their free time being eaten up on social media, but miss the old days where gladiator-style competition reigned supreme, Zygma introduces a simple fix.

Now you and your online friends can spend hours facing off against each other in a multi-level game in which feelings will be hurt, relationships ruined, and if you’re really lucky, actual blood spilled. Read the full story

INDIANAPOLIS – Drawn to an alluring profile picture of an attractive work acquaintance named Danielle, Indianapolis man Mark Vasey subconsciously skipped past all of the 24-year-old’s cat pictures Saturday.

Initially clicking on her latest profile picture, which shows the young marketing consultant lounging by a swimming pool in nothing but a skimpy bikini, Vasey was relatively disappointed to discover that the next three images were exclusively of her cat, Charlie. Read the full story

Senator Chris Coons’ office has sent out a short brief detailing how the Congressman has finally found God, and put an end to a millennia-long game of hide and seek.

Asked to comment about his Earth-shaking discovery, Senator Coons had this to say:

“He was in the living room. Jesus Christ! He was in the living room! How could I have missed Him for so long?” Read the full story

Facebook vigilante, Bobby D. Foster’s has struck yet another Senator.

The unprovoked Facebook comment reads as follows:

Dear Senator Manchin,

I just wanted to inform you that I am quite disappointed that your chin is not as manly as you name suggests. Have a nice day.

-BDF

The actual comment can be found here on Facebook. Read the full story

Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander has reportedly suffered a mildly harassing comment on his official Facebook profile.

The offending remark was in response to an article the Senator posted which warned against the dangers of the looming fiscal cliff.

The following is a direct transcription of the comment:

“Dear Senator Alexander,
I just wanted to agree with you that heading toward a fiscal cliff is absolutely terrifying. Unless, of course, you have a fiscal hang glider. Then it would be pretty fiscally radical. Have a nice day.
-BDF”

The actual comment can be found here:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/405187662880509/.

The Extreme Sports League of America’s spokeswoman, Laurie Greatstone, has come out in protest against the remark.

“Fiscal hang gliding is a stupendously dangerous,” announced Ms. Greatstone at a recent press conference called in response to the post, “Dozens of amateurs died during last year’s fiscal cliff debacle. Encouraging others to take part in a sport that takes decades to master by calling it “pretty fiscally radical” is not only stupid, but also criminally irresponsible.”

Asked about the comment, Senator Alexander had this to say:

You damned kids with your newfangled roller blades, and walkmans, and fiscal hang gliders! Get the hell off my porch! (We were standing in the middle of the Capitol rotunda at the time of that quote)

The only known suspect, one Bobby D. Foster, who posted the comment, remains at large. If you have any information that could lead to his capture, please inform the Internet Police immediately.

Freshman U.S. Senator Marco Rubio has reportedly suffered a mildly harassing comment on his official Facebook profile.

The offending remark was in response to an article the Senator posted which claimed, “Rubio slams Obama, Biden on economy.”

The following is a direct transcription of the comment:

“Dear Senator Rubio,

Your speech in Nevada was absolutely ravishing. I loved watching you mercilessly slam Obama and Biden over and over. You gave the president a real mouthful.

You just kept vigorously inserting knock after knock. I remember thinking to myself: how can Rubio possibly take these two guys at the same time? Is his endurance going to hold up? Is he going to get overwhelmed or tired and finish early?

But no! You stayed strong throughout. You lubed up the crowd and really got them to go down on your side. They were screaming for more and more! And you gave it to them. And when you did finally finish, I couldn’t help but burst at the rhetorical coup you just handed the Republicans. Then I fell asleep.”

The actual comment can be found here:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=284706728311990&set=o.405187662880509&type=3&theater.

When asked to opine on the matter, Senator Rubio had the following to say:

“My Facebook profile? Really? You guys know I don’t ever check that thing. I get over 100 comments a day.”

Daniel Polanski, Rubio’s part-time social media intern was not as lucky as his boss. He was recently admitted to Georgetown University for near fatal exposure to innuendo.

“The double entendre…” muttered Daniel when I visited in the hospital ward, “It was just…it was just…it just kept coming, you know? All over me. I couldn’t take it all at the same time. It just penetrated so deep…into my soul. But I kept at it because I figured…if I took it out…of context…and went down fast…down the page…then it would end quickly, but it was just…it wouldn’t stop coming! The puns…the insinuation…they just wouldn’t stop!”

Daniel then lapsed into a coma.

The only known suspect, one Bobby D. Foster, who posted the comment, remains at large. When I confronted the chief FBI investigator concerning the slow pace of his investigation, he spilled his whiskey and soda down his bathrobe, let out a high pitched scream, asked me how the hell I’d gotten into his basement den, and promptly threw me out of his house.

If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of Bobby D. Foster, immediately report him to the Internet Police.

I’ve been a member of this site called Facebook for a few years now. At first I was pretty enamored with it.

The fascination was fun but has gradually tapered.

I’ve received a few slightly unusual private messages from Facebook in the past but didn’t think much of them until now.

I recently spent eleven days in Tijuana on a volunteer/charity mission. I lead a team of three of my friends in a project aimed at improving the quality of life for many of the prostitutes in Tijuana. Read the full story

Much of the conflict that resulted in the First World War was fostered in the various alliances that countries bound themselves to in the years leading up to the conflict.

In the Information Age, a similar dynamic had predicated itself in social media relationships between various countries and their leaders, leading to tenuous diplomatic bonds and disputes that threaten to push the world to the brink of war. Read the full story

Documents leaked to Glossy News have revealed that a man, only being identified as Man P, for data privacy reasons, has not one, but two Facebook profiles.

It is unclear how this may have happened, but early examination of the information speculates that Man P set up a profile way back in 2005, when nobody cared about booking his or her faces permanently on the Internet.

It would then seem that Man P re-registered with a ‘work e-mail’ in 2009 after nothing happened on his 2005 account, as it doesn’t even have a photo or the timeline. Read the full story

After spending 6 years in a comatose condition stemming from a bizarre bungee jumping accident during an otherwise raucous and spirited Spring break in Cancun, local man Bryce Peters, now 27, has incredibly regained consciousness.

Doctors always remained hopeful of his recovery, as hi-tech scans showed as recently as last month that his brain continued to function almost completely normal. Read the full story

MISSOULA, MT—A new website has made it even easier for Facebook members to update their status through a rating system that allows members to test their updates before posting them.

Members who are too brain dead from lurking on the pages of ex-girlfriends or watching Youtube videos of raccoons giving hugs can also go to Statusbook to get ideas for status updates, or simply copy and paste updates that have already been rated. Read the full story

There’s been a lot of debate recently over the role social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter played in the recent Egyptian uprising, however very little has been mentioned of their importance in history’s other great revolutions.

This report chronicles the significant contributions social media sites have played in helping to foment past rebellions throughout the world. But before we begin, it’s important to note that this list highlights only a few of the more famous examples, and is by no means comprehensive of the Web 2.0’s vast historical influence. Read the full story

The 2010 surprise Sundance hit was a film called Catfish, a tale of an internet relationship gone horrible sideways. Apparently the name “Sideways” was already taken, and since the producers didn’t want to just declare it an outright hoax, they named it after a bottom-feeder, since that ugly moniker was somehow also perfectly fitting.

So it’s a good film, and one worth watching… did I get that out of the way? Okay good. Now here’s the rest of the story… Read the full story

THE VATICAN, ROME —BobZaguy Socio-political similarities have surfaced between the two most famous world-class conservative church leaders who publicly don’t seem to pay much mind to each other.
However, two bone-shaking statements were made a few days apart by the two men and have most of the world’s religious pundits looking for a pin to stand on. Read the full story