In what can only be described as a doubly penetrating scandal, pictures have now emerged of an exposed Boehner. According to a source close to Boehner, the politician is currently involved in a scandal involving emails sent to a 68-year-old male resident of the Phillipines, named Ping Tong. Read the full story

Today, the front office of the Pittsburgh Pirates made a formal apology to Major League Baseball and all of its fans for having such a successful 2011 season so far.

“We’re ashamed to say that, this year, we haven’t done a good job sticking to our reputation of finishing in last place in the division,” manager Clint Hurdle said in a press conference. Read the full story

The scandal involving Rupert Murdoch’s News of the World is spreading to Murdoch’s other holdings and some say it could spell doom for his News Corporation empire.

Realizing immediately that his newspaper apology was doing nothing to quell the anger rising exponentially across the globe against himself and his clan, the media mogul decided it was time to bring out the big guns to fight the onslaught of criticism.

Murdoch has reportedly bought 1,000 adorable puppies of some of the cutest breeds around, including English Bulldogs, Yorkshire Terriers, and Shih Tzus, and he has personally taken it upon himself to pass the puppies out at news conferences to his accusers. Read the full story

BURLINGTON, VT—Yesterday, neighborhood cat, Nella Watson, revealed that she’s finally on the road to recovery after a long battle with Catnip Abuse.

When asked what started her addiction to what’s colloquially referred to as “Nip” in the Feline community, Nella claims that being held like a prisoner in her own home led her down the path of abuse and Nip addiction. Read the full story

LOS ANGELES, CALIF – Charlie Sheen paraphernalia has exploded onto the American public since the actor’s Two and a Half Men firing and interview antics, featuring such memorable quotes as “I have tiger’s blood,” and “I’m an F-18, bro!”

Now online merchandisers are offering Charlie Sheen bumper stickers, t-shirts, book bags, and keychains. Reportedly, an artificial insemination service now features “Adonis semen,” while a Russion wife-finding service has started offering “goddess pairs” at a 10% discount. Read the full story

NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — Jon Stewart is allegedly being blackmailed by one of The Daily Show’s employees over allegations that in the 90’s, Stewart was a man whore. The information about this closely guarded secret came to light when the employee was asked to dig up some information about Stewart’s “date” with Jennifer Anniston over ten years ago in New York City. Anniston was recently a guest on Stewart’s show and the date came up in conversation. Read the full story

PORTLAND, Oregon (GlossyNews) — Police in Portland, Oregon are reopening their investigation into allegations that Al Gore groped and forced himself onto a masseuse at a local hotel in 2006. While not much has been made public about that incident, the one piece of information that continues to come up in news reports is the fact that the masseuse described Gore’s behavior as “acting like a crazed poodle.” Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — Cantankerous malcontent and ex-reporter Helen Thomas, who recently had an unfortunate run-in with the Jewish-owned American media when she accidentally reminded everyone that Palestine is an occupied territory, is the latest celebrity forced to wear the scarlet letter “A.” A for Anti-Zionist. Read the full story

BOSTON, MA (GlossyNews) — First-time author Calvin Klavan has touched many nerves with his newly published, “The Keller Fraud: It was just a bad astigmatism.” In the 657 page narrative, Klavan posits a seemingly bizarre take on Keller, the beloved symbol of triumph against all odds. The book was bound to stir controversy, the author was quick to admit to Glossy News reporters. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — Anonymous sources are alleging that a prominent but unnamed United States senator is engaged in an intensely emotional relationship with his next door neighbor’s Doberman Pinscher. “It’s only a matter of time before the tabloids get a hold of this,” said a visibly shaken staffer. Read the full story

NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — Former New York Representative Eric Massa admitted to groping male staff members, but claims that he never behaved in a sexually inappropriate manner. Massa, age 50, went a step further and told reporters that he didn’t think rough-play with other men unusual. But aides and staffers didn’t seem to share Massa’s fondness for horsing around. One aide said, “It’s like that old song. You say tomato, I say molestation.” Read the full story

DENVER, Colorado — As an advocate for eugenics, former Colorado congressman Tom Tancredo is hardly a trailblazer. He follows in the footsteps of pioneers such as Strom Thurmond, George Wallace and David Duke. But what Tancredo lacks in originality, he makes up for in spirit. Read the full story

SAN FERNANDO, CA – Up-and-coming porn starlet Corrine Hard was rapidly becoming a household name until she received a summons to appear before a Congressional Grand Jury to testify about her alleged use of performance enhancing drugs. Read the full story

More trouble for John Edwards surfaced this week when a close family friend told various gossip publications that the disgraced former Democratic presidential candidate struck his cancer-stricken wife during a shocking marriage-ending brawl. Read the full story

Salt Lake City, UT – Thurl Bailey step aside, the LDS Church will soon have a new spokesmodel. In a bizarre turn of events yesterday morning, LDS Church elders in Salt Lake City announced that Tiger Woods has decided to join the Mormon Church. Woods, who has been searching for meaning to his life like a bum searching for change, stumbled upon two Mormon missionaries over the Christmas holidays and has embraced the faith. Read the full story

All over the world, teens and tweens alike are clutching their Hannah Montana throw pillows and sobbing uncontrollably that their favorite television personality, Hannah Montana, is gearing up to shoot the last season of the Hannah Montana show.

According to a spokesperson for Disney Channel Worldwide, “The last episode will be bittersweet as we say good-bye to our little Miss Montana.” Read the full story