Ringling Brothers Circus is suing both the Republican and Democratic Parties for infringements on the copyright claim of running ‘The Biggest Circus In The World’. The Ringling Brothers, for a century the largest traveling circus on the circuit, is now upset that the two Presidential Parties are now cutting into their business.

“Our clowns are at least professional!” stated Ringling Manager Chuck D. Cheese, a midget with the circus, as I held the mike down so he could speak up into it. “When we get laughs it is because we intend to. And we don’t wear no three piece suits trying to look normal.” Continue Reading

The ever intrepid Wonki Leaks has scored another scoop with a revealing email sent by the acid blooded extreme American right winger Ann Coulter to the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik.

Hacked from Breivik’s email account by Rupert Murdoch himself, then rehacked from Murdoch by fellow Australian Julian Assange personally, the tidbit became an instant internet smash when released.

The email then was re-rehacked by the crack email hacker team here at Glossynews, all hired from the now defunct British tabloid News Of The World.

The email, a proposition of love from Ms. Coulter to the handsome and deadly rightist Breivik, gives an insight in the working of the mind of the beloved (and beloathed) blond Republican literary diva. Here is the text in full:

Hello Handsome!

Sorry to hear of your tragic incarceration. Those devious liberals probably got you arrested on a concealed weapons charge. They don’t seem to change their tactics much from country to county.

They should be exterminated. Too bad gas showers aren’t allowed any more! The libtards are probably the ones behind that government restriction too. They just won’t let a worthwhile enterprise thrive!

You certainly have done your part. Imagine! Getting rid of over 90 liberals at one time! Impressive! And all by yourself with just a couple of handguns and some fertilizer. I would nominate you for the NRA poster boy of the year except you are from Norway and not the U.S. (Don’t get me wrong, big boy, Norway is almost as good as America.)

And then bombing the floor out from under those in the parliament! You are a real hunk of He-man! Not only do you get rid of the Social rats, but also the nest they sit in! Brilliant!

I know you might not be available much, but if you should ever get free for a couple nights (I know those lame European left wing laws might let you get out on the streets for a bit of fresh air. If they are stupid enough to make them, take advantage of them I always say!) I would like to hook up with you.

I really go for the blond, strong jawed, blue eyed Aryan types, especially if those eyes are as cold as ice. Having a hunk’s body helps too. At least in solitary in prison you’ll have plenty of time to keep your physique up.

Even if you do get the maximum Norwegian term for murder of 21 years, I’ll be waiting for you. A Fuhrer such as yourself only comes along once in a generation and the last one shot himself in a bunker in Berlin in 1945.

In case you don’t recognize me from my books or FOX News, I am a slender WASP ( very!) with blond hair and blue eyes (also very Aryan! We’d be such a perfect match!) I am a dedicated anti liberal and like to wear black miniskirts (just for you I will ‘forget’ to put on underwear with it!)

I have an enticing slim figure; some say ‘skeletal’ or ‘Allie McBealish’ (who was a libtard lawyer on a lefty-lame TV show. These people I sic my doberman on.) I know how to charm a muscle man like yourself. I have a sexy swastika laced nightgown that I wear only for special men.

We can have a romantic evening together, cuddling and watching reruns of 24 Hours or the Nuremburg Rallies, then sip wine, snack on gjetost and sauerkraut before stripping down and making Aryan babies. It would be so romantic! At the point of orgasm we would shriek Heil, Heil, Heil in unison!

Let me know your answer quickly love. I await in impassioned heat!

Just one request, my love. When you do get free, could you give up the organic farming business? It just seems so, so, so Leftist! Yuck!

Forget those underpowered, overpriced apps that promise you a fun game of Walmart Bingo, the FunnyHitman brings you one that’s even better, and best of all, it’s free to view, free to print and free to use as you laugh your inexpensive suburban socks off. Continue Reading

ORLANDO, FL – In yet another shocking twist for a case that has gripped the nation, the 12 jurors who voted to acquit Casey Anthony of all murder charges in the death of her daughter Caylee, appear to be more than just “sick to their stomachs”, and have sent a formal request in writing to Judge Belvin Perry asking whether or not it’s too late to “take it back.” Continue Reading

Humorless comb-over victim Donald Trump, an alleged billionaire by his own self-proclamation, and centerpiece of the NBC ratings basement “Celebrity Apprentice,” has upped his game yet again, going on the offensive against the countless ones of person who insulted him at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

Skipping over the well-placed criticisms, which were aptly placed and things of beauty, “The Donald” chose instead to quack back to his self-aggrandizing ways.

“Listen, you nobodies,” he endearingly started to a group of bloggers standing by for comment, “I got Obama to release his long form birth certificate, which I’m not even sure is real. This whole thing here what with the roast of the White House, it’s not real, it’s as fake as anything you guys see on TV that you think is real.”

Before going off onto an unsolicited, arguably crazy tangent about how the seasoned, unflappable and flawless Seth Meyers “garbled his words… it was like he had marbles in his [big dumb] mouth,” Mr. Trump told the waiting battery of bloggers, “listen, if it wasn’t for what that Bush did, what with his deciding and what stuff, there wouldn’t be a dead Obama [sic] today. Hell, I’d have killed Obama [sic] myself, if that lanky weasel ever got close enough to me to make it happen.”

Pandering further to his FOX constituents, Mr. Trump continued briefly before departing, adding, “Karl Rove, that’s who you should be thanking. And Glenn Beck, that guy gets it. He did more for taking down Osama bin Barack [sic?] than anything this weak president did.”

As he walked off, Mr. Trump shouted back, “I had him in my guys’ sites last year, I could have taken him out, and I wouldn’t have given him a sea burial, I would have dragged him through the streets until nothing was left of him, and then I’d have the non-remains bronzed and put on my mantle, because I’m the richest man in the history of the world, you stupid bloggers. What’s a blog anyway? You guys are losers. I’d fire all of you.”

Mr. Trump has already announced his 2012 presidential campaign, but awaits sanctions for his television show remaining on the air. Not just because of equal-time rules, but because it is a terrible, terrible excuse for what presently passes as television.

Gary Busy was unavailable for comment, but nonetheless said, “Trump is the dump-a-thump dong!” which means absolutely nothing to anyone.

The photo above (click to enlarge) is intended to show that Mr. Trump’s hair “do” is in no way ridiculous, assuming one grades on a curve, and does so only in the audience of the Correspondent’s Dinner.

Yet another indication that Donald Trump is absolutely serious about running for President is the fact that he has just listed his all-glass NY mansion for sale this weekend.

The home, a stunning 8 bedroom, 9-1/2 bathroom home is one of the most unusual homes in the older, reserved neighborhood of Old Wesbury, NY.

Boasting “more windows than a cathedral,” Trump is allegedly selling the property due to recent events that he says could very well bring harm to his property, a prediction made a long, long time ago by his grandmother. Continue Reading

Polling across the world has indicated that many people, especially in America, consider Dick Cheney to be “the worst President in history.’

Cheney, using someone named ‘Bush’ as a front man, controlled and manipulated U.S. political procedure to the point of near-dictatorship. Continue Reading

Machu Picchu, dusk – GlossyNews.com: After ten seconds of reciprocal nodding over candlelight, Nostradamus and Mayan elders have announced they are in complete agreement with their Donald Trump apocalyptic destruction prophecies.

“I clearly mentioned that guy in the 3rd verse of the 4th Quatrain,” declared Nostradamus, whose only failed prediction was his own death in 1566. Continue Reading

Woonsocket, RI – GlossyNews.com – In one of the most bizarre UFO events yet recorded, aliens reportedly abducted the entire State of Rhode Island.

It happened at 3:15 AM May 10. The entire episode was documented by Barney J. Brothers using his cell phone camera and his video has been posted to YouTube, prompting a frenzied worldwide rush to see the video. Continue Reading

Dramatic drops in ratings combined with a lack of any reputable (top-of-market-paying) advertiser willing to be part of his show have finally taken their toll on Glenn Beck and his FOXNews program.

Beck offered a rare olive branch, saying, “…I want to verify something that is true,” which marked a noted departure for Beck, who normally avoids verifying the truth, preferring only espouses crazy conspiracy theories and conspicuous product placement for his gold, seed and Armageddon survival oriented sponsors. Continue Reading

Cyril Knowles 52, of Wembley is a happily married man. Yet he shares his modest home with 240 sex dolls of all shapes, sizes and colors.

Strangely, Mrs Knowles helps him to dress and undress his silicone legion, and even takes them for trips out in the family car.

Cyril claims that his unusual “hobby” started when he bought a rag doll for a favorite niece, and found himself inexplicably attracted to it. Continue Reading

With all the problems we have in the U.S. today, it is truly astounding that a simple answer to them exists already and no one has thought of it. Simply make Muammar Gaddhafi the President of the U.S.! The logic of this escapes you? Let us enlighten you.

Why Gaddhafi should be made President of the U.S.:

There would be less money wasted on campaigning and voting–all the other political parties would be eliminated.

He would eliminate the illegal immigration problem–by machine gunning the immigrants.

Our oil dependency problem would be solved because Libya would become the 51st state.

There would be no problem with gay marriage–all the gays would be executed.

There would be no problem with gun control anymore–Gaddhafi would own them all.

Equal rights would become a reality because women can also be in the Army or be body guards just like men–and everyone in the country would be equally screwed over.

There would be no more difficulties with big business taking over everything because Gaddhafi would take them over.

International diplomacy would become very simple–if you don’t like another country, just blow a plane of theirs out of the sky.

There would be no problem with freedom of speech anymore–Gaddhafi would say whatever he likes and you would have the right to shut up and listen.

There wouldn’t be a problem between the different religious factors anymore–there wouldn’t be any religious factors anymore.

There wouldn’t be a problem with loud, demanding protests anymore like in Wisconsin–they would simply be strafed by Gaddhafi’s war planes.

With Libya as a state its vast wastelands would be the perfect place to get rid of our wastes, i.e. household, nuclear and any dead bodies lying around.

“I heartily endorse Mr. Gaddhafi to be the next President of the United States. (As long as I can be his Vice-President) He is my kind of guy. And he has lots of oil.” …Slicky Dick Cheney, former President of Vice of the United States.

Mt. Clemens, MICHIGAN – The city of Mt. Clemens, Michigan is once again in the news for Bigfoot sightings as it seems that several citizens have phoned the local police station claiming to have witnessed what they believe are large, hairy ape-like creatures rooting through dumpsters and fouling the air with their distinct skunk-like odor. Continue Reading

Pete Townsend, guitarist extraordinaire for The Who, wasn’t the first artist to destroy a musical instrument on stage. Jerry Lee Lewis is said to have destroyed a few pianos by setting fire to them, Jimi Hendrix destroyed a few guitars in his short time on this earth. And other big names, including Keith Moon, band mate of Townsend, got a kick out of blowing up his drum sets. Continue Reading

Jared Loughner has been chosen the poster boy of the year for the NRA–the Nutso Retard Association of America.

The minute his mugshot hit the press, the top officials of the organization were unanimous in saying “That’s our boy! He’s got the look we want! He’s clean cut (very!), he’s got a winning smile, he’s got a bright, happy look in his eyes. He’s just the one to represent what we stand for!” Continue Reading

YAZOO CITY, MS — GlossyNews.com In preparation for announcing his intentions to run for President in 2012, Haley Barbour, Governor of Mississippi, has begun extensive development with the Ovaltine Company of the 2012 Presidential Secret Decoder, much like those in early 20th century radio and mid-century live TV, popularized by Little Orphan Annie, Captain Midnight, Jonny Quest and Captain Video. Continue Reading