Archive | Strange People

Exclusive Interview w/ John Hance, Incredible Teller of Big Whoppers at The Grand Canyon

Exclusive Interview w/ John Hance, Incredible Teller of Big Whoppers at The Grand Canyon

You’ve heard the tales of Paul Bunyan.
You know the exploits of Pecos Bill.
Maybe you’ve heard of the German Baron Munchhausen.
But have you ever heard the legend of John Hance? You will now:

Glossy News has succeeded in gaining an interview with one of the greats of Grand Canyon history- the unforgettable John Hance, the first white man to live at the Grand Canyon and famous story teller from the late 1800’s. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People, Travel0 Comments

An Interview With Osama bin Laden (Yes, we know that he is already dead)

An Interview With Osama bin Laden (Yes, we know that he is already dead)

… but we aren’t going to let that stop us…

Glossynews has gained the unique opportunity to interview the infamous terrorist Osama bin Laden, the instigator of the 911 attacks on the U.S..

Reaching him at his present location in Purgatory, we were able to have the following conversation with him –

Glossy – Good day, Mr. bin Laden. How are you? Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Strange People2 Comments

Bruce Jenner Debuts New Film Along with Name

Bruce Jenner Debuts New Film Along with Name

NEW YORK CITY – The world received a double dose of Caitlyn Jenner on Monday as the American culture, fashion and politics magazine, Vanity Fair, released their upcoming cover with Caitlyn sitting on a stool and the man-turned-woman also announced participation in an upcoming feature remake being released later in the year. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Strange People0 Comments

EXCLUSIVE – An Interview With Mrs. Tsarnaev- Mother Of The Boston Bombers

EXCLUSIVE – An Interview With Mrs. Tsarnaev- Mother Of The Boston Bombers

Glossy – Good day, Mrs. Tsarnaev! Thank you for agreeing to do this interview with us.

Mrs. Tsarnaev – You should be thankful, you American sensationalist pig.

Glossy – Um…. well, that gets things off to a rousing start! As long as we are on the subject, why did your family come to America?

Mrs. Tsarnaev – We came here to experience the American Dream.

Glossy – Oh, you mean experiencing freedom and the importunity to make your lives better? Continue Reading

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Oregon Man Successfully Hides Chin from Wife

Oregon Man Successfully Hides Chin from Wife

Portland, OR—The vanity of the world is reaching new heights, or should I say lows.

Recently in the news, a Korean husband divorced his wife when she birthed an ugly child, an Indian woman left her husband when she discovered he couldn’t spell, and a Mexican man, hell-bent on singlehandedly populating the world, abandoned his wife when he learned she was secretly using birth control. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

Guy Who Screams “IF ONLY YOU KNEW HOW THEY FEEL!” Actually Doesn’t.

Guy Who Screams “IF ONLY YOU KNEW HOW THEY FEEL!” Actually Doesn’t.

Sexually frustrated loudmouth, Humbert Hegel, is a very vocal coffee-break-emancipator at a certain academic institution.

But what’s the one thing everyone loves about Humbert?

…Apart from his being so damn interdisciplinary that there’s NOTHING IN THIS WORLD about which he’s not an unquestionable and unqualified unqualifiedly infallible expert? Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

Justifiable Justice – Making the Punishment Ergonomic with the Crime

Justifiable Justice – Making the Punishment Ergonomic with the Crime

Punishments for crime have become rote in our modern society.

A person can murder any number of people and still be allowed to live his life out even though he is less that worthless to the society which allows him to survive.

Monsters on the international level can create atrocities for which they are not condemned.

Irresponsible pundits appear on the world stage who wreck havoc with in their own lands and yet are able to convince their fellow citizens that they are heroes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People5 Comments

KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

Previous version published on thespoof.co.uk, entitled: “KKK: Underground Rap A-OK, but ONLY Underground Rap.”

Well hey, some classics just bear repeating. You can’t seriously tell me my remixes are inferior to those of, say, Axwell and all those dudes.

The Ku Klux Klan has made a somewhat peculiar (and not necessarily entirely sincere?) attempt to find black supporters and allies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Strange People, Top Stories1 Comment

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! Clinton Finally Admits Lying

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! Clinton Finally Admits Lying

In a gently-conducted interview (surprisingly gentle!) on his home turf of MSNBC, Bill Clinton has actually admitted telling a lie.

Huh? Ya what? Yes, this is pretty much unprecedented in American history. See the following astonishing words from Clinton:

I actually never knew how to play the saxophone. I was more a steel guitar or Indonesian gamelan man.

I am kind of sorry, in a way; just a little bit. I mean, I’m sorry to have to tell you, anyway… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Sarah Palin’s On-Air Stroke Fact Checked (PART TWO) – VIDEO

Sarah Palin’s On-Air Stroke Fact Checked (PART TWO) – VIDEO

Sarah Palin may still be a cash-worthy draw for the red meat crowd anxious for nothing more than talking points. Well, in her case, barking points.

I’m not saying she’s barking because she’s a bitch. No, that would be a disrespect to female dogs everywhere, and as I have two in my own home, I’d never insult them by conflating them with such a waste of carbon as Sarah Palin. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People, Video News0 Comments

Fact-Checking Sarah Palin’s Incomprehensible Speech

Fact-Checking Sarah Palin’s Incomprehensible Speech

Sarah Palin was invited to spew a lahar of molten cuckoo at the Iowa Freedom Summit, proudly sponsored by Citizens United. She did not fail to fail to impress.

I took it upon myself to fact-check her statements, and there was such a steady flow of crazy magma that I had to cut it off around six minutes, saving the rest for another day.

Apparently the Wicked Witch of the Arctic’s teleprompter broke a few minutes in, so she did what she does best: wing it and hope people will take her seriously. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People1 Comment

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

Seattle, WA-Local employees were abuzz yesterday when something unexpected happened. A good looking guy sporting a smooth beard and one of those cool knit Beanie hats strolled in to order some extra crispy.

“This doesn’t happen here, it just doesn’t,” says Juanita Lopez, who has been manager at the local KFC for almost 3 years. “This is not the clientele we are used to here.” Her subordinates agreed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People1 Comment

George Zimmerman Loses Guns, Gains 2003 Ford F-350

George Zimmerman Loses Guns, Gains 2003 Ford F-350

George Zimmerman, best known for shooting and killing the unarmed 17 year-old African-American Trayvon Martin, was back in a Seminole County Courthouse this week, having been arrested for and summarily convicted of aggravated assault for allegedly throwing a wine bottle at his girlfriend.

As part of his sentence, the judge ordered Zimmerman to surrender any and all firearms in his possession immediately. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Strange People0 Comments

Serial Peeping Tom “Dirty” Joe Palestine Thanks Supporters

Serial Peeping Tom “Dirty” Joe Palestine Thanks Supporters

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – In an interview with Glossy News, Middlesex Adult Corrections Facility inmate “Dirty” Joe Palestine proclaimed his innocence and announced his heartfelt appreciation for the millions of people around the world who agree that Palestine deserves his freedom.

Palestine, whose offenses spanning from 2006-2010 the New Jersey District Attorney called “the most blatant acts of unlawful voyeurism for sexual purposes (he) had ever seen,” has never admitted to any wrongdoing in regards to the 146 charges of peeping tom-related behavior. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Strange People0 Comments

ISIS Is Looking For A Few Screwed-Up Men………And Women

ISIS Is Looking For A Few Screwed-Up Men………And Women

A Note From The Editor- Due to current difficult economic situations and due to pressure from First Amendment Rights groups Glossy News must unfortunately include ads in our article runs. These ads do not necessarily reflect the opinions and thoughts of Glossy News or its publisher.

It could, however, reflect not only the opinions but also the half-brained philosophy of some of our writers, many of whom I personally know to be Godless Communists and flipped out weirdos. It is with extreme trepidation that the following ad is presented: Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Strange People0 Comments

Florida Woman Assaults Twin Over Boyfriend, Vibrator [VIDEO NEWS]

Florida Woman Assaults Twin Over Boyfriend, Vibrator [VIDEO NEWS]

Heidi Creamer, yes, her real name, assaulted her buxom blonde twin sister Holly Creamer, also her real name, over a vibrator.

You think I’m joking, but this isn’t satire, it’s Florida. It’s God’s idea of satire.

Scroll down to watch this, our first ever “Daily News Update,” in which I try to make sense of the day’s headlines for your embetterment and embiggening, and cromulently so. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People, Video News15 Comments

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