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LeBron breaks the Cleveland curse

LeBron breaks the Cleveland curse

Being a sports fan in Cleveland does not make for an easy life, considering the the rollercoaster of emotions the teams from the region have put their supporters through.

The Cleveland Browns are renowned for their collapses in the 1980s in the two AFC Championship matches against the Denver Broncos, nicknamed ‘The Drive’ and ‘The Fumble’.

Broncos quarterback John Elway led a 99-yard drive to lead his side to the Super Bowl, breaking Browns’ hearts, while one year later running back Ernest Byner fumbled on the goalline against the same opponent, spurning the chance to tie the game.

Cleveland have endured similar horror shows in the world of basketball and baseball. A young man by the name of LeBron James aimed to break the ‘Cleveland Curse’ after being drafted first overall by his home state club in 2003. Continue Reading

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Joshua plans to unify heavyweight division ahead of Breazeale fight

Joshua plans to unify heavyweight division ahead of Breazeale fight

Ahead of his first title defence of his IBF heavyweight belt, Anthony Joshua has revealed plans to unify the heavyweight division, despite his relative inexperience in the sport. Never lacking in confidence, Joshua believes that he can reach far greater heights in the world of boxing, with the former Olympic gold medallist holding a perfect professional record from his sixteen fights to date. Joshua takes on American Dominic 88Breazeale at the end of the month, and has been training with the GB Olympic squad in preparation.

The Londoner is the overwhelming favourite with the bookmakers for the fight, with Betway offering odds of 1/33 for Joshua to come out victorious. With the fight scheduled to once again be held at the capital’s O2 Arena, the bright lights of Las Vegas will surely be waiting in the wings should Joshua impress against Breazeale. Joshua claimed the IBF title after a second round knockout of Charles Martin, and with 31 KO’s from 33 wins between himself and Breazeale, fans inside the area on June 25th could well be set for more fireworks. You can find his betting odds on Betway, as well as a full schedule of boxing match ups for the upcoming months.

Also on the card for the night of boxing is George Groves, as he returns to the ring against Martin Murray, in what is an eliminator for the WBA world super-middleweight title. Groves is the 2/5 favourite with Betway having defeated David Brophy by way of knock out last time around. Elsewhere, Chris Eubank Jr defends his British middleweight title against Welshman Tom Doran, with the son of the former great given favourable 1/25 on odds by Betway.

At the start of July, we see the much anticipated rematch between Tyson Fury and Wladimir Klitchsko, as the pair meet in Manchester. Despite Fury playing down his chances in the build up to the fight, having ridiculed his own weight and sparring performances, the WBA champion is 20/21 with Betway to claim victory on home soil. Joshua has long been linked with an all British heavyweight contest with Fury since his breakthrough in the division, and is 4/5 with Betway should a potential fight get the go ahead in the future.

 

 

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South African Rugby Team To Play US At American Football

South African Rugby Team To Play US At American Football

After disappointment at the Rugby World Cup 2015, which included arguably the most shocking defeat in the tournament’s history, team coach Heyneke Meyer yesterday confirmed that the Springbok will take a yearlong hiatus to pursue ‘other opportunities’.

Team captain Flourie du Preez later confirmed the news, adding that the team with be facing a US ‘All Star’ team at American Football in July 2016. Responding to journalists at a fundraising event in Pretoria he said, “I’ve always fancied playing quarter back and I could use the additional income, so why not?” Continue Reading

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Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

In historic fashion, the curse of the Billy Goat again reared its ugly head on those Lovable Losers, the Chicago Cubs.

Game four of the National League Championship Series ended with the New York Mets beating the Cubbies by the score of 8-3, sweeping the team everyone thought was destined to win the World Series because Back to the Future predicted it.

The Mets hammered Chicago Cub pitcher Jason Hammel so bad he only lasted two innings innings in the post season game, ensuring the continuation of planetary rotation and balance within the cosmos. Continue Reading

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Brains Donate NFL Players to Science

Brains Donate NFL Players to Science

Chicago, Illinois – As the 2015 NFL draft is set to begin tonight at 8pm (est), the scientific community added to the excitement with a groundbreaking announcement last night that the brains of current and former NFL players, Michael Vick and Terrell Owens, are donating their bodies for scientific research. The Brain Injury Association of America, based in Vienna, Virginia released the news during a charity event held annually as part of pre-draft traditions.

“This is a historic day for the National Football League and the Brain Injury Association!” The Association’s CEO, Susan H. Connors said. “Today, we have the brains of our players making the generous decision to donate their host bodies to science for the purpose of expanding our knowledge of how these erratic, yet affluent creatures work,” Connors added, while gently patting the cerebral hemispheres of Michael Vick’s cerebrum just after it removed itself from Michael Vick’s cranium. Continue Reading

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New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It

New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It

I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next guy, but a 1.5 mile race over dirt where the athlete’s cutoff age is three years old is probably not my cup of toffee.

Promoters are shameless, predicting no shortage of competitors for the top prize. As a parent, I’m disgusted, but for $800,000 I have to admit I’d consider it.

An email response from the mayor of Elmont, New York, where the race is being held, was as shameless as it was tone deaf. Continue Reading

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Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You

Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You

If there are two things Kentucky is famous for, and there is not, it’s Fried Chicken and the annual horse race watched, it is believed, by spectators.

But once again the specter of steroids in sports has reared it’s ugly head and stomped it’s hoof twice for “yes”.

Long shot filly Knobs At Hand is unlikely to win, but his trainer Big Dave Galaga is not about to leave anything to chance. Continue Reading

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Katy Perry Spent a Lot Of Time Contemplating Her Super Bowl Act

Katy Perry Spent a Lot Of Time Contemplating Her Super Bowl Act

“Maybe I should do a French Kiss with another superstar like Brittany Spears and Madonna did. I wonder if Taylor Swift would be available for that? Or should I do an underwear-less limo exit like Brittany did that one time? That got a lot of coverage.”

A lot of money and concern is spent by performers and by the NFL alike preparing for the biggest sporting event and one of the biggest entertainment shows of the year in the U.S. Almost anything goes for this colossal showcase which mixes the two key elements that made America great — show business and football. Almost anything… Continue Reading

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Fan Donations to the NFL on the Rise

Fan Donations to the NFL on the Rise

NEW YORK – Many American football fans may not realize that the National Football League (NFL) is not a corporation, but a tax-exempt organization.

Recently some real die-hard fans have been donating money to their beloved NFL, even though their donations are not tax-deductible.

“Football is my life,” says Wayne Smetsky of Green Bay, Wisconsin, who recently donated $500 to the NFL. Continue Reading

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Northeastern Idaho State Makes College Football Playoff

Northeastern Idaho State Makes College Football Playoff

While most of the debate about the College Football Playoff has surrounded Ohio State, Baylor, and TCU, a surprise team sneaked into the playoff late on Monday night.

Northeastern Idaho State (formerly Northern Idaho Agricultural College) was selected by the playoff committee as the number four seed in the playoff.

After moving up from the FCS before this season, the school has had a remarkable run to finish 12-0 and a top of the prestigious Sunrise Conference. Continue Reading

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Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Officials overseeing the 31st Annual Bread N’ Basket Marathon held in downtown Philadelphia had several routine questions for this year’s winner, Breddie Murphy, after the 24-year-old won the race in a record time of 3 baskets and 7 sticks or 1 hour and 23 minutes, beating the previous record set by David Bredderman by almost 2 sticks or approximately 13 minutes.

“We question the winner of this prestigiously delicious race every year,” said lead official, Henry Bredgardener. Continue Reading

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Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings

Saturday night NASCAR icon Tony Stewart single-handedly quadrupled NASCAR’s slumping television ratings when he hit and killed Kevin Ward Jr in a Sprint Car race at Canandaigua Motorsports Park in upstate New York.

Ward, 20, had been run into the wall by Stewart the lap before, wrecking his #13 Sprint car and in a jealous rage, Ward confronted Stewart’s car on foot, wagging a very intimidating finger at the former NASCAR champion.

One car swerved to avoid the irate driver but Stewart didn’t miss his target, striking the 20-year-old and dragging him several feet to his death. Continue Reading

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An American’s Comment On All The Balderdash Surrounding Soccer’s World Cup In Brazil.

An American’s Comment On All The Balderdash Surrounding Soccer’s World Cup In Brazil.

It is time to take the opportunity to take you folks in the rest of the world (besides the good old USA) and England especially to task for the formation and promoting since the 16th century this thing you call ‘European Football.

Also for the invention of the ‘hooliganism’ that so often accompanies it. God only knows somebody needs to, so I’ll take this heavy responsibility on my shoulders. In doing this I am trying to equal that great American critic and literary giant Ann Coulter.

The main gripe I have is this silliness that you dare to call football (you undoubtedly stole this name from our proud game). What a load of balderdash (I learned this word from watching British comedies)! A bunch of guys running around in skivvies (this word too) in the middle of winter!

It’s no wonder someone in your countries had to invent Fisherman’s Friend just to keep the poor boys going! You all look half naked out there on the playing field. It’s also no wonder your birth rate is going down- I can just see the sperms in your sacks screaming for mercy as they freeze to death from exposure out there on the playing field.

All you ever use in the game are your legs for crying out loud! How are you ever going to develop arm muscles when only your feet ever see any action? I can just see it now – two nations of men with an under torso like Popeye and an over-torso like Olive Oyl (These are two great American cartoon figures in case you didn’t know). What good is a game if you can’t wrap your arms around an opposing players neck and yank his head off like we do in American football? Have you ever tried to do that with your legs? One would need the dexterity of a Bolshoi Ballet star!

How does the scorekeeper keep from falling asleep when there are only two or three points made in an entire game? Is he really paid for such work? He should be made to sell beer in the bleachers in between scoring so he can pay his own way in this world just like the rest of us have to do. It’s like being on the dole, such work.

The ball is ridiculous. A painted over basketball in black and white that it looks like that crazy geometric molecule building that they have in Belgium (Is that another of the EU’s bright ideas?)
They should give the goalkeeper a cot in his little net so that he can take a snooze while he waits for the ball. He has about as much to do as a Luxembourg border guard.

One tip that I would heartily suggest is that the players wear the full uniforms with padding and helmet like our boys, and rough it up a bit. This would make it more exciting and also, when someone is hurt nobody gets upset because it covers up all the blood and the limbs that are twisted in the wrong direction. It is more anonymous when someone who is hurt has a helmet over their concaved face. One can remain more detached and impersonal over it. It also keeps the relatives of the player who are watching in the stand from getting so upset – they always think it is someone else’s boy.

Unfortunately, without radical changes, I cannot see much hope for the game. The playing fields are a terrible waste of green land. I know that you in England need all the green land you can get. It could really be used for something else, say for example to pave it over and make a parking lot for those cute little mini-cars you have, or to build something to build something really practical like a McDonalds or a Kentucky Fried Chicken, both time honored American institutions.

Now, none of these suggestions have anything to do with the fact that the EU is doing better than we are in the U.S. these days.
Absolutely nothing.
Really.
Honest, it really doesn’t.
Honest.

That is all I have to say….for now.
Thank you and remember to take my advice.

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Billions Happy During World Cup

Billions Happy During World Cup

RIO DE JANEIRO – Billions of football fans across the world are incredibly happy about the month-long distraction from serious news during the World Cup tournament.

“The fact that Russia might start invading Ukraine any minute now is simply not interesting compared to van Persie’s incredible header goal in the opening Netherlands – Spain World Cup match,” said Johan Kuiper of Amsterdam. Continue Reading

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First Nations Emboldened, Demand Red Sox Change Their Name

First Nations Emboldened, Demand Red Sox Change Their Name

With the hurricane centered squarely upon the Washington Red Skins, some native American tribes have seen fit to target the Red Sox, declaring them a hate-group in thier own right.

“I’ve watched the Red Sox play for years,” said Margery Margnar of Lower-Upper Boston-Adjacent. “But I never realized what a bunch of racist jerks they are.” Continue Reading

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Brazil’s Economy Skyrockets in Soccer Tournament; Millions of Wallets Stolen

Brazil’s Economy Skyrockets in Soccer Tournament; Millions of Wallets Stolen

The 2014 FIFA World Cup event will be a beneficial factor that will help Brazil with its not-so-good economy, at least that’s what Hispanic skinhead, Pitbull, had to say about it.

Hispanic, cancer man later went on to gibber on how mysteriously wallets were being stolen from foreigners. After questioned if this was the work of his 370 little, Hispanic children army, domestic violence father responded by nervously chuckling and securing the closet in which one child was hanging from a rope. Continue Reading

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