Author: Laurence Brown
Past-Forward-thinking Governor Gradually Propelled Indiana Into the 19th Century
INDIANAPOLIS – Indiana’s past-forward-thinking and innovative Governor, Mitch Daniels, insists that, under his leadership, the state gradually caught up to the demands of the 19th Century. Citing the state’s handling of various social and economic issues under his watch, the…
Romney Used Erstwhile Campaign Funds to Purchase Hoboken, New Jersey
HOBOKEN, NJ – In a stunning revelation Friday, a close aide to former Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney claims Romney poured virtually all of his campaign funds into purchasing the city of Hoboken, New Jersey. Mr. Romney, the frontrunner challenging…
Jesus Just Assumed That Republicans Knew About His Socialist Leanings
WASHINGTON D.C. – Speaking amid right-wing concerns that the United States is slowly becoming a socialist nation, Jesus Christ insisted Thursday that he just sort of assumed that members of the Republican Party – which comprises some of his most…
Stripped of More Constitutionally Sacred Freedoms, Hoosiers View Impending Smoking Ban as No Big Whoop
INDIANAPOLIS – In light of the Indiana Supreme Court’s decision last May declaring it illegal to resist unlawful police entry into their homes and the recently passed National Defense Authorization Act of 2012, a provision of which permits indefinite detention…
America’s Father Not Going to Tell Nation a Second Time
WESTMORELAND, VIRGINIA COLONY – As the country’s highly documented problems with civil discourse continue to spiral out of control, the Father of the United States, President George Washington, has warned that he is not going to tell the nation a…
Romney Points to Fact That $2.8m in Taxes is Far Higher than What Most Americans Pay
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Embattled Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has defended himself over the controversy surrounding his tax percentage, insisting that the $2.8m he pays annually is “far more than what most people pay in a single year.” Speaking at…
Indiana Family Shocked to Find It’s Not 1987
GOSHEN – As most Americans were busy celebrating the coming of 2012 at midnight last night, the Albrecht family of Goshen, Indiana were surprised to find that they had not just ushered in the year 1987. Rocking away the night…
Elderly Woman Sends Text Message
INDIANAPOLIS – An elderly woman became the talk of her family today after miraculously turning on a cellular phone and successfully typing, and then sending, a 23-word text message to her 18-year-old grandson. Maureen Hamilton, 84, is believed to have…
Entire Population of Indiana Tired of This Sh*t
INDIANAPOLIS – Citing various factors, ranging from the lack of viable job opportunities to the general malaise of winter, the entire population of Indiana announced Saturday that it is so goddamn tired of this shit, adding: “really?”. Holy effing shart,…
Drunken Governor Sells Indiana Back to Native Americans
INDIANAPOLIS – Calling it the most regrettable legislative decision of his career, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels – apparently under the influence of alcohol – agreed to sell the entire state of Indiana back to the Native Americans Saturday. According to…