Month: September 2014
Richest 1% Buys U.S. Military to Protect them from Other 99% of Society
In a surprising development, the upper 1% of the richest Americans have purchased the entire U.S. military to protect them from the other 99% that they lord over. All troops except those actively engaging an enemy somewhere in the world…
Gingrich Pleads for More Pragmatism, Less Dogmatism on Stalin/Gulags Issue
Newt Gingrich, the GOP Ideas Man™ is dissatisfied with polarised views on Stalin’s allegedly atrocious human rights abuses, and he fears that a failure to compromise is holding back progress for the USA. And actually, he’s taken care (once more)…
Kerry Orders Airstrikes on Charlie
Everybody (more or less) seems to love Charlie, the moody animated horse from Sugarcandy Mountain; yet, it seems he hasn’t got a friend in John Kerry, as you’ll read. Really? Can that really be possible? Well, the notoriously ranty and…
Fact-Check: Mitch McConnell Really Supports Your Big Business: True
Washington outsider and regular everyman Mitch McConnell, Republican senator from Kentucky, has an ad claiming he supports big business, but does he really? Fact-Check: YES! It turns out, true to his claims, Mitch McConnell really does stand up for mega…
Roger Goodell Diverts Media’s Attention at News Conference
New York, NY – All eyes were focused on Roger Goodell Wednesday afternoon as the National Football League’s Commissioner was expected to address the media regarding his alleged awareness of the video featuring Ray Rice striking his future wife, Janay…
Another Dalai Lama Gaffe: Heroin-Pushing A-OK, if Intention Good
One or two people might have been offended by the information included in my recent scoop on the normally rather narcophobic Dalai Lama’s views on war crimes. But unfortunately, no apology or clarification from His Exalted Phatness has been forthcoming……
Kelly Clarkson Wants to be First Annoying US President
It had to happen one day… We’ve already had the “First Black President” (a white saxophone player from Arkansas), we’ve had an ACTUAL First Black President, and there’s been talk of Hillary Clinton being the First Female President. I mean,…
Asteroid RC 15: “I Purposely Avoided Collision With Earth”
OUTER SPACE: In an exclusive interview, RC15, an asteroid that, on Sunday, passed closer to earth than the moon, says it purposely avoided a collision with our planet. “I really, really did not want to hit you guys after I…
Russian Takeover Strategies Of Yesterday, Today And Tomorrow
2008- Russia invades former ‘comrade’ nation Georgia because Putin ‘has Georgia on his mind….’. March 2014- Russia takes over the Crimea because they want to protect their naval fleet, and their hidden stores of vodka. June 2014- Russia begins infiltration…
Apple to Remotely Disable All iPhone 4S Models and Older 7 Days After iPhone 6 Release
CALIFORNIA: In a statement released today by Apple CEO Tim Cook, all iPhone models 4S and older are scheduled to be shut down and remotely wiped seven days after the release of the iPhone 6 on September 9th. “Customers who…