CALIFORNIA: In a statement released today by Apple CEO Tim Cook, all iPhone models 4S and older are scheduled to be shut down and remotely wiped seven days after the release of the iPhone 6 on September 9th.
“Customers who have resisted upgrading to our exciting and new technology need to catch up to the rest of us, and we are requiring these individuals to experience our leap in innovation by September 16th,” said Cook.
“I mean, so much has changed since our 4S model. Personally, I can’t even begin to imagine how these people live their daily lives with the traditional 30 pin charging connector or a pathetic VGA front-facing camera.”
The Apple CEO went on to say that there was no opt-out program and that all devices older than the iPhone 5 would be immediately inactivated upon any connection to the Internet whatsoever.
“When Apple builds a phone, part of our design process includes a ‘kill switch’ of sorts. Basically, if you connect to the Internet, whether it be your personal Wi-Fi, a 4G hotspot, or your cellular data after midnight on September 16th on an outdated iPhone model, it will be shut down and all data erased.”
When questioned as to what customers should do with their soon-to-be inactivated iPhones, Mr. Cook offered few solutions.
“I would say that an old iPhone model has about the same functionality shut down as it does now. Like, c’mon, those phones don’t even have a fingerprint reader. You could use it as a paperweight, a bookmark, a coaster… Again, not much different from its current use now without 5 GHz Wi-Fi support nor Tru Tone Flash.”