Apple to Remotely Disable All iPhone 4S Models and Older 7 Days After iPhone 6 Release

CALIFORNIA: In a statement released today by Apple CEO Tim Cook, all iPhone models 4S and older are scheduled to be shut down and remotely wiped seven days after the release of the iPhone 6 on September 9th.

“Customers who have resisted upgrading to our exciting and new technology need to catch up to the rest of us, and we are requiring these individuals to experience our leap in innovation by September 16th,” said Cook.

“I mean, so much has changed since our 4S model. Personally, I can’t even begin to imagine how these people live their daily lives with the traditional 30 pin charging connector or a pathetic VGA front-facing camera.”

The Apple CEO went on to say that there was no opt-out program and that all devices older than the iPhone 5 would be immediately inactivated upon any connection to the Internet whatsoever.

“When Apple builds a phone, part of our design process includes a ‘kill switch’ of sorts. Basically, if you connect to the Internet, whether it be your personal Wi-Fi, a 4G hotspot, or your cellular data after midnight on September 16th on an outdated iPhone model, it will be shut down and all data erased.”

When questioned as to what customers should do with their soon-to-be inactivated iPhones, Mr. Cook offered few solutions.

“I would say that an old iPhone model has about the same functionality shut down as it does now. Like, c’mon, those phones don’t even have a fingerprint reader. You could use it as a paperweight, a bookmark, a coaster… Again, not much different from its current use now without 5 GHz Wi-Fi support nor Tru Tone Flash.”

Author: Seals

just a city boy

14 thoughts on “Apple to Remotely Disable All iPhone 4S Models and Older 7 Days After iPhone 6 Release

  1. Planned obsolescence, gotta love it! Guess the Great Lightbulb Conspiracy mightn’t have been a conspiracy theory after all? 😛

  2. Why this is just so insane! I am eleventy outraged! Or I would be if I had ever bought a single Apple product in my life.

    Considering this article is obvious satire, I’m not sure how that makes me feel about my life choices. Am I a Samsung sucker? Am I not an Appletard?

  3. this is fake. were is the link to the supposed ‘statement’ released by tim cook?
    i really don’t get why people waste time making up BS articles to post on the internet.
    and to those complaining and getting upset about this (fake) news, be patient and relax.

  4. Thank you sir because i am planning for purchase an i phone but now i can divert my mind to purchase other brand like nokia lenovo & others because they are not disable there product like this old older oldest

  5. Just watch folks; this is going to get real interesting.
    Already you can tell that people are mistaking this for a real article.
    Just watch what the next bunch of replies are like.

  6. Thanks a lot!! Real smart!!
    What about the consumer who has their old 4s (as you so nicely put it) because he spends his money on his children’s needs and not his own!
    I really don’t have a need for a new device right now… And spend my money where it should be spent… My children’s necessities!
    Thanks Mr. Cook for telling ME where to spend my money!
    Unless you’re giving me a huge discount to upgrade, I should NOT be made to change until I’m ready!
    Sounds like an invitation to consider a different manufacturer’s device to me!!

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