OUTER SPACE: In an exclusive interview, RC15, an asteroid that, on Sunday, passed closer to earth than the moon, says it purposely avoided a collision with our planet.
“I really, really did not want to hit you guys after I got close enough to see the kind of shit the human race is going through. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have no problem whatsoever colliding with an inhabited planet. But once I realized how polluted, overpopulated, mismanaged, and just generally dismal Earth was, I had to do everything I could to miss you guys.”
The asteroid went on to say that he initially had no idea any life forms were even present on the third planet from our sun.
“Yeah, I’m a few million years old. I still consider myself to have pretty good vision, though. But your planet has so much smog that, even up close, you could barely tell that there were any life forms living there.”
At press time, the now-distant asteroid reportedly had its trajectory altered by an alien species so that RC15 would not hit their planet: one which contained intelligent life about as old as homo sapiens, yet who valued science, technology, space exploration, and the preservation of their species nearly infinitely more than the human race.