Do you need some high quality advertising on a site with excellent page authority and domain authority stats?
Reach out to Glossy News Satire now, with any advertising inquiries you have for us! wallacerunnymede~gmail.com. (You need to swap the ~ for the @, of course. Just trying to avoid a tidal wave of bots)… Now, as of January 2020, we’ve found that using shared email addresses risks causing unnecessary confusion on a number of levels. So we’ve had to revert to this old strategy. However, the editor, Wallace, will be sure to copy in the webmaster, Brian, where appropriate. Brian is also the treasurer, so he will be sending you invoices for every purchase!
We have various ad options for you here at Glossy News Satire. Whatever you may have in mind, please get in touch with us with your exact needs, and we’ll do our best to find the right product for your project.
Quick word here on homepage links. We will not be able to offer you any do-follow homepage links. We can however offer you ones that are characterised in WordPress as ‘sponsored,’ rather than ‘do-follow,’ as these ones don’t result in any sanctions. This is something that has been discussed in reputable sources.
Please be aware that in order to secure and maintain good relationships with quality clients, Glossy News Satire are strictly adhering to our new advert rate from 1 January 2020. This is a pilot scheme we’re floating, but we are taking it very seriously, as we believe it will help maintain and further improve quality and quantity of advert submissions, while also benefiting those who send us ads. Here’s how it works.
We have two client brackets. Standard client and privileged client. All clients begin as standard clients and must pay us $90 per individual advert, although even at this early stage, discounts for multiple adverts can be arranged on a case by case basis. Eventually, if a standard client has arranged a significant number of adverts with us, and the quality is consistent, we will offer them the chance to be upgraded to a privileged client status. Note that under NO circumstances will anyone begin as a privileged client, as we need to get a few adverts published first, to see if the quality is consistent. Please rest assured that this new policy is for the benefit of all our readers, clients, advertisers, writers and editors, as it the better the quality of the articles, the better the user experience, the better the SEO, and ultimately, the better the traffic stats and our branding and reputation.
However, if your budget is low, but the quality of content is good (in practice, we find this rarely happens, but there are always exceptions, and we like to keep an open mind and not miss out on a good business opportunity for both of us!), then be aware there are three options for you:
- Individual ad at standard price.
- Bulk deals: 2 or more ads at a discount rate, paid as a single lump sum in advance.
- Subscriptions (potentially cheaper than option 1 or 2: ask us!)
We will put a link on at least two social media outlets. This is our main one.
Please bear in mind the following caveats:
1. All Adverts Must be in Quality English
All ads must be in proper English; anything poorly presented, and that is likely to annoy the reader, simply can’t be allowed on our site. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, spacing etc. must be in keeping with that of a typical high school graduate in the USA or UK (we are not worried about differences between US, UK, Australian English, etc.; the point is that the English must be up to standard, regardless of regional spelling conventions, local slang, etc.) We don’t have a strict style guide, so this should make things easier. We reserve the right to reject any ad that is full of basic errors of English usage. A few minor errors are OK, but we want something of the standard of a decent blogger, although if it’s even better than this, we wouldn’t say no! I’m afraid this guy is persona non-grata, for example, as his vocabulary seems to be rather limited. Not to mention this one too! Try not to have anything written by celebrities either! 😉
2. All Adverts Must Add Genuine Value for the Reader
As far as is reasonably possible, adverts must be informative, interesting, entertaining, or otherwise add genuine value to the reader. However, we will make an exception for ads from the Church of Scientology, or the Watchtower Society, as they have served us very well over the years! They have provided us with a rich gold mine of entertainment, not unlike Fox News, CNN, and other self-evidently NON-satire outlets.
3. No Violent/Extremist Content
While we normally publish any ad of decent quality, we do reserve the right to refuse ads which, quite apart from the quality of English, are otherwise detrimental to the user experience. Every deal will be considered on its own merits; but links to illegal sites, x-rated sites or hate sites (e.g. terrorism, jihad, KKK, Neo-Nazi), are not permitted. Glossy News will decide whether a site passes muster on certain basic legal and moral criteria; but if you are not sure, please get in touch anyway, and we’ll see what we can do. In case of a dispute the webmaster and boss, Brian K. White, is the final authority.
4. Adverts Must Not be Irritating to the Eye
One ad option is banners. These may be static or animated images, but we do not accept ads that are offensive to the eye, e.g. “flashing” ones; nor, in general, ads that most people in society would deem excessively erotic. If you’re not sure, just ask us! We are always happy to do all we can do accommodate any remotely reasonable request.
Get in touch soon! We are looking forward to hearing from you…