Kelly Clarkson Wants to be First Annoying US President


It had to happen one day…

We’ve already had the “First Black President” (a white saxophone player from Arkansas), we’ve had an ACTUAL First Black President, and there’s been talk of Hillary Clinton being the First Female President.

I mean, you might have wondered when Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson and Marilyn Manson are casting their hats into the ring…

Yet, prominent chart artist Kelly Clarkson has an even bigger goal than any of the aforementioned.

Yes, she is afraid that one day, people might start listening to Lana Del Rey or Jason Derulo instead of her, and that she might then need a career change.

So this is her plan:

What about being the first annoying US President? she enthuses.

I could totally do that. I mean, Bush was kind of dull, Obama was charming; but we have never really had an annoying US President. Like, I totally think I could fill those boots!

Clarkson’s bid has already been endorsed or non-endorsed by various respected public figures:

Kelly Clarkson? So old-school! scoffs Miley Cyrus.

And when I asked Madonna whether she thought she might do a better job as first annoying President than Clarkson, a dismissive Madge snorted:

Oh yeah? You think you can mention me and Clarkson in the same breath? Bite me!

However, Lady Gaga has been more supportive:

Listen everybody, Kelly shouldn’t let herself be discouraged. I mean, the one rule of thumb, whatever Madonna says, believe the opposite…

Yeah, I mean, her time is gone! It’s time for something really fresh. If people believe Madonna over me or Kelly Clarkson, they must be in some kind of time-warp.

Well, speaking of time-warps, I hate to break it to Kelly Clarkson, but she may be a few centuries late for the first annoying US President.

I mean: John Adams, for example? Or more recently, George W Bush? Or even… ___

(Sorry, better not say this one. There is a funny metal thing circling around the tenth floor of my office block, and I don’t want to provoke it any further).

Still, let’s hope Clarkson never has to do a filibuster!

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

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