Month: September 2014
Mitch McConnell TV Ad Fact-Checked: True
Washington outsider and advocate for change Mitch McConnell took a bold step this year, effectively crowd-sourcing his campaign commercials to the drooling masses. This inspired strike of utter genius can best be described as “SmarTarded™” in a way Kentuckians may…
New Postage Stamp Baked as a Tribute to Extinct Restaurant Chain
Washington, D.C. – In an effort to promote breadstick awareness following the loss of America’s beloved restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, the United States Postal Service has announced the release of a set of commemorative stamps honoring the breadsticks that…
God to Withhold Prayer Requests From Cor Jesu High School Administrators Since Firing of Gay Teachers
ST. LOUIS – Explaining that he had, “literally no idea what they were thinking,” deity of the Catholic Church and contributing author Yahweh said in a press release he would no longer be accepting prayer requests from officials at Cor…
National Front Thugs Horrified: Hitler a “Dirty Foreign [Insert Profanity Here]”
Most Americans have probably heard of the Front National in France, but not all US citizens may be aware of her somewhat less sophisticated and elegant sister party, the UK’s National Front. But admittedly, this club of assorted knuckledraggers, boneheads…
OMG! Crazy Pastor Pat “Blames” Justin Bieber for Freak Weather Conditions
After a lull of a few years, discredited televangelist Pat Robertson has put his theometerology hat back on again. Yes… Pastor Pat has yet another new theory to contribute for why the USA has experienced extreme weather conditions in recent…
Arms Manufacturers Hope for Another Massacre To Stimulate Lagging Gun Sales
According to a recent Bloomberg.com article, guns sales have fallen off sharply since the days of the Sandy Hook and Batman movie massacres which is worrying arms manufacturers and salesmen. The fear of having guns banned or limited sent gun…
Brief Dating Site Blah Blah Whatever [Video]
Dating sites pride themselves on how complicated they are. This site breaks that mold by asking you to do less and less. “Almost nothing, really,” said Byron Dwight, CEO and actual site member. “Just a quick tl;dr of yourself and…
EPA Report: ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ Responsible for 34% Decrease in Polar Ice Caps
WASHINGTON – In an alarming press conference delivered this afternoon, Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Gina McCarthy announced that the ALS “Ice Bucket Challenge,” which has, since June 30th, gone viral on social media websites like Facebook and Twitter, is estimated…
The 13th Annual Biggest Firework Ceremony Begins With a Blast
Kicking it off this September comes an event the whole world has begged to be a part of. Unfortunately for them, only a selected number of Muslims were able to make it inside. Since 2001, the Annual Biggest Firework Ceremony…