WNHL Combines Canada’s Two Greatest Exports

WNHL Combines Canada’s Two Greatest Exports

24 August 2008 05:59 - by Brian K. White

Perhaps you’ve heard of Canada, it’s the nation inconveniently separating the contiguous United States from the industrious state of Alaska. Despite their reputation as a nation “not having a reputation,” marketing executives have come up with a product that will finally put Canada on the map, which currently, at least on maps printed in the […]

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Posted in Sports Events0 Comments

Bush Commands AF-1 Due South to Greenland, Stays the Course

Bush Commands AF-1 Due South to Greenland, Stays the Course

30 December 2007 07:39 - by Brian K. White

Mere minutes into Air Force One’s flight from Andrews Air Force Base to Greenland, it was reported that President Bush entered the flight deck with commands to “Continue your southerly heading.” The President, known for his resolve, was undeterred by new information suggesting Greenland may instead lie to the northeast of Virginia, insisting, “If we […]

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Dane Cook Rocks Veritable Asses in Seatte

Dane Cook Rocks Veritable Asses in Seatte

07 December 2007 05:32 - by Brian K. White

Dane Cook appeared live at the Key Arena in Seattle last Thursday, and my hopes were too high to be anything but disappointed. First of all, he’s in the top-5 stand-up comics of our time. Secondly, I’ve already seen everything he’s done (except for the current “Rough Around the Edges” tour), and thirdly because crowds […]

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Posted in Entertainment0 Comments

China Promises Fake Lunar Landing by 2008

China Promises Fake Lunar Landing by 2008

18 October 2007 09:01 - by Brian K. White

China’s space program has enjoyed successes at a price previously unmatched by any space program. Not the US nor former Soviet Union, not even Canadians have been able to make strides in pace with the Chinese,, and not even because a typical Asian stride is so much shorter based on height alone.

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Posted in Science0 Comments

Maccessories Introduces the iPenis

Maccessories Introduces the iPenis

23 July 2007 02:11 - by Brian K. White

Apple/Macintosh, long the personal computer choice of lesbians, has unveiled their long-anticipated iPenis, the USB dildo built for interactive dyke e-erotica games and programs that can only run on the power of a Mac.

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos0 Comments

Ebay Catalog Mailings Mire Postal Service to a Crawl

Ebay Catalog Mailings Mire Postal Service to a Crawl

26 March 2007 03:00 - by Brian K. White

Ebay has been feeling the growing pressure from mail order catalog companies due to their revived success in recent years. Consumers often don’t know what they want and having the luxury of flipping through pages was something Ebay just couldn’t offer, until now.

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology0 Comments

Teens Having Less Sex (in the missionary position)

Teens Having Less Sex (in the missionary position)

12 March 2007 06:00 - by Brian K. White

According to research conducted nationwide, conventional teen coitus is on the downturn. Not in favor of abstinence, but in favor of more exhausting, athletic and often dangerous positions.

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Toyota Hybrid Sports Car “Priapus” Gets Greenlight

Toyota Hybrid Sports Car “Priapus” Gets Greenlight

27 February 2007 08:00 - by Brian K. White

Toyota Motor Corp. set themselves apart from American automakers in the 80’s and 90’s by designing quality vehicles absent of planned functional obsolescences. This decade Toyota made their mark by introducing the Prius, the first hybrid car to hit the market. Critics have praised it while still dubbing it a “gutless crackerbox”, but now crackers […]

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Posted in Biz News, Technology0 Comments

Americans Depressed Over “Fat” Stereotype Seek Solace in Cheesecake

Americans Depressed Over “Fat” Stereotype Seek Solace in Cheesecake

25 February 2007 03:45 - by Brian K. White

Americans, long iconic heroes to ignorant third-worlders and lesser ethnics alike, have in recent decades been labeled as nothing more than lazy, overweight, couch-faring snobs by counterparts in Europe and Asia alike. This reputation may have exacerbated the problem as, increasingly, Americans are found seeking comfort and acceptance both from Big Mars as well as […]

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports

Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports

19 February 2007 08:00 - by Brian K. White

On the eve of release, designers and critics alike are praising the much anticipated release of the newest version of Slut. Whether you are a casual user or a diehard Slut enthusiast, the robust build promises a hole new experience in high speed access.

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Posted in Health, Technology0 Comments

Ball Cancer; Testing your Testes for Health and Safety

Ball Cancer; Testing your Testes for Health and Safety

02 February 2007 03:49 - by Rudager P. Marshall

Among the rarest of cancers comes cancer of the testes. Glossy News brings you these helpful tips to keeping your balls healthy.

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Cingular Busted on “Unlimited Mobile to Mobile, AL” Plan

Cingular Busted on “Unlimited Mobile to Mobile, AL” Plan

16 February 2006 06:11 - by Brian K. White

Since their merger/buyout of the non-company AT&T Wireless, Cingular has improved it’s reputation from the “largest corner of no signal whatsoever” to that of a true player in the era of modern wireless communication. Their biggest push has been the claim of the largest free mobile-to-Mobile calling area, but with bills now rolling in, subscribers […]

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology0 Comments

Dumb People Encouraged to Talk Less

Dumb People Encouraged to Talk Less

15 November 2005 02:51 - by Brian K. White

University of Washington researchers have been on the verge of a breakthrough in the study of “dumb people” since the initiation of the study in January, 1999. Researchers believe they can raise the intelligence of subjects by 10-12 points if they could just get them to stop talking, which as yet, they cannot.

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

Satirist Struggles to Find New Olsen Twins Story

Satirist Struggles to Find New Olsen Twins Story

25 September 2005 06:02 - by Brian K. White

Springfield— Brian K. White, noted contemporary humorist and satirist has been struggling for weeks to find a new angle from which to mock Mary Kate and/or Ashley Olsen. “I’ve been read by millions,” explains White, “but I’ve been drawing a blank on those disappointing little trollops. I don’t think I’ve lost my edge, I just […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Alien Adductions Reach Epidemic Proportions

Alien Adductions Reach Epidemic Proportions

04 May 2005 03:56 - by Brian K. White

NASA is growing irritated at incomplete missions fouled by meddling do-gooder aliens returning humans to earth prematurely in the name of stellar safety. Alien abductions have been fabled for centuries with festive highlights ranging from anal probing to impregnation, with very little in between. Alien adductions, conversely, have been documented with increasing frequency. This is […]

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Posted in Science0 Comments

Hot Soccer Uniforms Promise U.S. Interest in Tepid Sport

Hot Soccer Uniforms Promise U.S. Interest in Tepid Sport

16 April 2005 11:00 - by Brian K. White

Soccer, long considered the game of little girls and college athletes who can’t get scholarships for a “real sport” makes a lobby once more to break into the American market. This time it’s not aimed at corporate ownership or potential network affiliates, but rather straight to the fans. The STRAIGHT male fans, to be quite […]

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Posted in Sports, Sportsfolk0 Comments

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