Taliban Successfully Destroys Afghan Society- Reverts To Cannibalism
The Taliban has successfully destroyed every business and killed every non-conforming citizen and foreigner in Afghanistan. Left without an effective economy and without anyone who understands any technology beyond that of making heroin the entire land has fallen into a…
Young Woman Miraculously Ignores her Beauty to Study Philosophy
Dateline: PITTSBURGH — Lisa Prettysweet, an achingly beautiful 26-year old, stunned her family and friends by showing the slightest interest in philosophy. Predictably, her reading of philosophy has made her more skeptical, pessimistic, and cynical and her parents are convinced…
Fullerton Pacifist Joins NRA – Buys Uzi
Fullerton, Orange County, CA – Fullerton resident and lifelong pacifist Dylan Donovan today announced that he has finally caved in to environmental pressures by joining the NRA and buying an Uzi sub-machine gun. Speaking from his home in downtown Fullerton,…
Video: Melamine? Clay? Undercover Hot Dog Factory Exposé Sheds New Light
GLOSSYNEWS.COM – In our first-ever video report, we go behind the scenes at America’s 7th or 8th largest hot dog factory. We see what really goes into one of America’s most infamous foods. What ingredients really go in a tasty…
“The Legend of Hercules” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick
The New York Times reports that it unintentionally ran a movie review of “The Legend of Hercules” written by a guy who never even saw the flick. The Lionsgate film which reportedly cost $70 million dollars to make brought in…
49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night
The San Francisco 49ers had a terrible 12-4 season, but this Sunday they face the Seattle Seahawks with a stunning 13-3 regular season record. Facing certain defeat, 49ers fans are widely expected to commit mass, ritual suicide. The Seahawks have…
Harvey Weinstein to Open Fire on NRA in Upcoming Movie
Filmmaker, Harvey Weinstein announced Wednesday that he is taking on the NRA with a zeal not seen since Michael Moore’s documentary, Bowling for Columbine. Weinstein told Howard Stern that his movie won’t be a documentary, which will give him license…
Fourteen-Year-Old Florida Boy Expelled for being Named Joffrey
Fourteen year old Joffrey Stevens of Astapor High School was instantly expelled today once it became clear that he shared his name with the infamous Game of Thrones king, and all round hated guy, Joffrey Baratheon. Young Joffrey Stevens had…
Spousal Rape: An Old Wife’s Tale
Old wives from around the globe are chiming in on VA State Senator Richard “Dick” Black’s assessment on rape in the marital bedroom. Black claims that spousal rape is not a punishable crime due to the fact that the couple…
“The Mouse” Extracts His Revenge
The Mouse has had enough. Within his realm, The Mouse would be written THE MOUSE, but here on this satire site we are safe from his surveillance and what could be misconstrued as a sign of disrespect. At least for…