The San Francisco 49ers had a terrible 12-4 season, but this Sunday they face the Seattle Seahawks with a stunning 13-3 regular season record. Facing certain defeat, 49ers fans are widely expected to commit mass, ritual suicide.
The Seahawks have the best defense in the league, and have been favored over the 49ers by 3-9 points/game this regular and post-season, but even losing inside the spread is unlikely to sate the bloodlust for sacrifice to make for a better team next season.
“We’re not expecting a riot following the game,” said Seattle Police Department spokesman Gil Jacobson. “But we are prepared for some out-of-towners [49ers fans] to be taking their lives at any number of our many fine hotels located just blocks from the stadium.”
Many 49er fans have decided the best way to find ultimate success with their team would be by turning misfortune into literal fortune in the future by wagering against them. Because of this sportsbook review sites like SportsBookNation.com are also seeing a spike of public interest.
49ers fans have already denounced this article as premature, offensive and insensitive, but I don’t live in California, and the wreaths laid on my doorstep each morning from Seahawks fans more than makes up for it.
Sorry, San Francisco. While I love your sourdough, you can’t beat the 12th man, and Seattle has the loudest fans in the sport, and you can’t discount that home field advantage.