Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Strange People

Author of “How to Be A Success” Guides Dies a Dismal Failure

Kilroy Kovacs, prolific publisher of the popular “How to Be a Success” guides, has been found dead in his car outside of Peculiar, Missouri. Cause of death has not been determined. Kovacs was the author of two dozen “How to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Author of “How to Be A Success” Guides Dies a Dismal Failure
Posted in The Rest

Trump Comes Clean on Golden Showers

“Honest to God, I thought those bitches peed gold!” FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! EPIC TRUMPISMS! (P.S. Welcome Richard Seltzer…… Breaking News: Obama Caused World War II, According to Trump Official Letters Confirm Trump is Ready…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Trump Comes Clean on Golden Showers
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Five Ways a Trump Presidency is Like Gilligan’s Island

Let me just say Richard Condon was wrong. The Manchurian Candidate is from Moscow and he ain’t brainwashed. Nothing about the recent election would make for a decently plausible political thriller or even proper parody. I know truth is stranger…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Five Ways a Trump Presidency is Like Gilligan’s Island
Posted in Music

Jay Z Drops “The Bananas Gloat Song.” Goes Viral

“Kanye! Kaaaaaanye! Daylight come and you won’t go home….” FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! Top GlossyNews.com Articles of 2012 Jay Carney Addresses Sex Change Transformation Rumors Exclusive GlossyNews Interview: Former Trotskyist… You Can Win $100 by…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jay Z Drops “The Bananas Gloat Song.” Goes Viral
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Entertainment Music Politics Strange People

Trump Taps Kanye West as Next Press Secretary

FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History 78% of Radio Shack 1993 Catalog Is on Your Phone, but Better Conservative Eroticism versus Liberal Eroticism Kanye West is a Breadophile: Horrifying…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Trump Taps Kanye West as Next Press Secretary
Posted in War Zone World News

Have You Ever Thought About Joining ISIS?

NOTE FROM WALLACE RUNNYMEDE: We rarely republish pieces at Glossy News, even though the ‘Glossy News Classics’ occasional series will feature some great work from our back catalogue. But this recent piece was so hilarious, we are publishing it again!…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Have You Ever Thought About Joining ISIS?
Posted in Music Politics Top Stories

What the Presidential Candidates Are Doing—Right This Moment

With the Election mercifully only hours away, the three major candidates (and one cameo candidate) are done putting the final touches on their respective Frankenstein campaigns. Using an unholy combination of satanic ritual coupled with classified NSA technology that hasn’t…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! What the Presidential Candidates Are Doing—Right This Moment
Posted in Top Stories

Ten Great Reasons to Join ISIS!

Greetings and salutations dysfunctional Western youth. God is great and so are you! We are ISIS and we are looking for a few good martyrs! Are you that special person who is destined to do great things for a great…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Ten Great Reasons to Join ISIS!
Posted in Making Headlines Top Stories

GlossyNews Publishes Hilarious Caricature of Muhammad

Uh….nevermind!! But stay tuned for more Kim Jong-Un parodies! You can contribute to our North Korea video satire series here or learn more about it here. FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! A Prophet Versus Islamists? What…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! GlossyNews Publishes Hilarious Caricature of Muhammad
Posted in Politics Top Stories

4 out of 5 Republicans in Anonymous Survey Admit Liking Dick

Support for Dick Cheney and former President George Bush to be prosecuted for torture appear to have fallen faster than an erection in Hillary Clinton’s presence according to inside sources. Hard numbers from a recent survey revealed that most Republicans…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 4 out of 5 Republicans in Anonymous Survey Admit Liking Dick
Posted in Making Headlines

Obama Claims Racial Progress Made After Finishing Boehner’s Shoes

FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! Boehner and Bobdole Reveal 13-year Marriage John Boehner Found Mummified in Tanning Bed President Obama Stars In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ Heelys; Sole Wears Thin, Novelty Don’t

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Claims Racial Progress Made After Finishing Boehner’s Shoes
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Celebrity Gossip

ISIS Targets U.S. Comicbook Market

ISIS is reported to be using old established oil smuggling routes to sell oil on the black market for millions of dollars. While that certainly is a lot of money, it is insignificant compared to the market they are currently…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! ISIS Targets U.S. Comicbook Market
Posted in Entertainment Television

Sharknado: The Second One Bites

I have to admit, I liked the first Sharknado. It was so unpretentiously bad with an overtly self-mocking flavor, it was easy to just sit back and enjoy the total disregard for logic. When they announced a sequel, I exercised…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sharknado: The Second One Bites
Posted in Making Headlines

Sharknado Jumps the Shark

Spawns new hackneyed headline. FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! Sharknado: The Second One Bites Communities on High Alert in Wake of Killer Guinea… 2014 – The Year in Review: Part I (January – June) Women, Help…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sharknado Jumps the Shark
Posted in Health Science Top Stories

The Condemned No Longer Fear The Reaper

FLORENCE, Ariz. (GlossyNews) — A government think tank has come up with a novel idea to ensure there are no more botched executions like the one that occurred this week in Arizona. States have traveled a long and winding road…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Condemned No Longer Fear The Reaper
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Scientists determine 87% of people who put their hands in the air actually don’t care

The other 13% are easily influenced by crowds. FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! Safety of Genetic Engineered Food Argument: Not a… The End of Freedom in America. Blame it on the… The Superpower that Disempowers: Is…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scientists determine 87% of people who put their hands in the air actually don’t care
Posted in Society Strange People

Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years

(Hambone, Alabama)–Jimmy was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared. According to witnesses, Jimmy was observed cracking corn and repeatedly asked to stop, but refused. “I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Talky Pictures

Seth MacFarlane’s Penis Found Dead

Seth MacFarlane, creator of such ground-breaking animated hits as “Family Guy” and “American Dad” discovered his own badly decomposed penis dead in a ravine in rural Arizona. MacFarlane had reported his penis missing a week earlier. He stumbled upon it…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Seth MacFarlane’s Penis Found Dead
Posted in Human Interest Society

After Botched Execution, Oklahoma Replaces Lethal Injection with “Death by Dumbo”

Following the “incomplete” execution of Clayton Locket in Oklahoma earlier this month, the Oklahoma legislature has voted to replace lethal injection with “Death by Dumbo”. Dumbo, a rogue circus elephant convicted of killing his long time handler in the late…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! After Botched Execution, Oklahoma Replaces Lethal Injection with “Death by Dumbo”
Posted in Entertainment Talky Pictures

Godzilla: A Freaky Movie Review of a Freaky-Deaky Film

I’m going to tell you up right up front that I have been a Godzilla fan since the first time I laid eyes on The Man in The Rubber Suit. Will Rogers has absolutely nothing on me: I’ve never met…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Godzilla: A Freaky Movie Review of a Freaky-Deaky Film
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Music

Jack and Diane Embroiled in Bitter Divorce

Back in 1982 a little ditty about Jack and Diane went viral making them household names and catapulting them into music immortality. Symbolizing small town kids living the American Dream of the late 20th century, the years have not been…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jack and Diane Embroiled in Bitter Divorce
Posted in Religionism

Second Horseman of The Apocalypse Holds News Conference

The Second Horseman of The Apocalypse held a rare news conference at his estate today, warning that the Apocalypse Alert level may have to be raised. The Second Horseman met with the reporters arrayed outside the gates of his secluded…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Second Horseman of The Apocalypse Holds News Conference
Posted in Human Interest Sports Events

Comatose Broncos Fan Awakens to Horrible Reality

A Denver Broncos fan who has been in a coma since 5 minutes into the Superbowl has finally awakened and close friends are unsure how to tell him what happened. According to witnesses, Tindell Higby III, a University of Colorado…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Comatose Broncos Fan Awakens to Horrible Reality
Posted in Entertainment Opinion/Editorial Talky Pictures

“The Night They Raided Minskys” Reviewed by a Guy Who Even Saw the Flick

Released in 1968 this flick could have been made today as a relevant retrospective to burlesque. The naughty nature of burlesque versus the rude routines that pass as suggestive stage entertainment today are in stark contrast when you compare today’s…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “The Night They Raided Minskys” Reviewed by a Guy Who Even Saw the Flick
Posted in Entertainment Talky Pictures

“I, Frankenstein” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick

All I have to say about Liongate’s newest offering I, Frankenstein is “Oh, my Gawd! Who got paid to make this bullsh*t?” This latest robitussin induced nightmare from the creators of “UNDERWORLD” comes from the jacked up graphic novel “I,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “I, Frankenstein” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Strange People

ill-Reputed, Reputedly ill Onion Writer Reported Dead

A highly respected writer for The Onion was found dead in near Fargo, North Dakota Thursday. The cause of death is still being investigated. The body of Kilroy Kovacs III, who went by the pseudonym “Kilroy”, was found in an…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! ill-Reputed, Reputedly ill Onion Writer Reported Dead
Posted in Science Strange People

Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike

Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in on Super Bowl Sunday, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike. “I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike
Posted in Society Strange People

Local Man Comes to Conclusion Neighbor is Just Plain Mean

After years of living next door to a man perceived to simply have an abrasive sense of humor, a local man has finally determined his neighbor is just plain mean. Mike Mitty, owner of Mighty Mitty Comics Emporium moved in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Local Man Comes to Conclusion Neighbor is Just Plain Mean
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Music

Sean “Hey-Diddly-Ho” Combs Builds a Revolting New Station

Mere days after sobering up from an embarrassing appearance at the Golden Globe awards, Sean “Bo Diddley” Combs along with MTV VP Andy “Boom Shak-A-Lack-A” Schon have put together a revolutionary new channel called Revolt, geared at music fans. Revolt…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sean “Hey-Diddly-Ho” Combs Builds a Revolting New Station
Posted in Entertainment Talky Pictures

“The Legend of Hercules” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick

The New York Times reports that it unintentionally ran a movie review of “The Legend of Hercules” written by a guy who never even saw the flick. The Lionsgate film which reportedly cost $70 million dollars to make brought in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “The Legend of Hercules” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick