Bored Donald Trump Plans Orgy for West Wing

The White House announced yesterday, that the “you’re fired” bo$$, Donald J. Trump, was ranting about how bored he is with all the talk about people’s lives in the balance, do gooders, strikes, furloughs, whiny workers, and the general lack of attention he has been getting lately.

{paraphrasing} “I mean seriously? We are more concerned about government employees not getting paid than how I look on camera?” According to unnamed (Deep State) reporters, if he had to be the boss all the time, he might as well take advantage of the down time (due to government shutdown at the time of this writing)…to have some fun for a change. Read more Bored Donald Trump Plans Orgy for West Wing

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Pelosi Agrees to Trump’s Wall… On One Condition!

The Lego Solution

By Saturday, the day the U.S. government came to a grinding halt, Washington, D.C. long-timer and incoming Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi had “had enough of the wall already.”

We all know how Pelosi feels about “the” Wall. After meeting with Trump and Chuck Schumer over the impending government shut down, she made some kind of statement about Trump’s manhood or something, and then the gloves (or in Pelosi’s case, the earrings) were off, power sunglasses on.

So, while most Americans were trying to decide if they liked the sturdiness-looking wall that costs way more than the slatty-kinda wall, that costs less because it will take less steel to produce and we all know with the prices China is charging us for steel these days… Well, it was a tough decision. I mean, cost consciousness without a soul, or give Americans jobs by allowing them to manufacture steel here so that more steel can be made, not to mention the shipping costs we’d save. Do you know how much it costs to ship enough steel slatty-things from China to build “a wall” from California to Louisiana? Read more Pelosi Agrees to Trump’s Wall… On One Condition!

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Nightmares Prompt Kim Jong-un to Take Up Zumba

Apparently, fear of his dead father is resurfacing in a big way and has been keeping N. Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un up nights for well over a year now.

The leader is said to be suffering from an ongoing bout of the vapors, leaving him feeling puny and out of sorts.

A recurring nightmare finds the North Korean leader face-to-face with his not-so-dead father who is taking the pudgy little tyrant to task for not being such a tyrant after all. Read more Nightmares Prompt Kim Jong-un to Take Up Zumba

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Miley Cyrus Quotes ‘Then’ and ‘Now’

My, oh my, have times changed. Just a scant three years ago, Miley Cyrus quit the Disney Channel, and her role as Hannah Montana, to become America’s most-watched sex kitten. Talk about your quick-change artists.

We thought it would be fun to look back at some of Miley’s quotes, many made during her Hannah Montana years, and update them to give you a peep show of what the all-grown-up child star is up to these days.

MC Then: My mom is always telling me it takes a long time to get to the top, but a short time to get to the bottom. Read more Miley Cyrus Quotes ‘Then’ and ‘Now’

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Woman Sells Set of Dinosaur Cheese Puffs for $495 on eBay

Helen Crumples is almost $500 richer today after accepting the highest bid on eBay for her “dinosaur” cheese puff collection.

The set of five Chester’s Puffcorn snacks, which look amazingly like miniature brontosauruses, were discovered by Helen while tidying up her son, Seth’s room.

“I’ve joked a number of times that looking for anything in Seth’s room is like going on an archaeological dig. Little did I know that I wasn’t too far off the mark,” said an elated Crumples. Read more Woman Sells Set of Dinosaur Cheese Puffs for $495 on eBay

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Idaho State Senator Furious Over Virtual Lap Dance Ban

BOISE, Idaho – Sen. Sam Getzless of Pocatello, Idaho is fuming mad about the recent bill passed in his state banning virtual lap dances, otherwise known as “laptop dances.” Getzless claims the ban will affect roughly half the population as roughly half the residents of Idaho are male. Roughly.

“What a man does in the privacy of his own home should be sacred,” said Getzless, after waiting for the results of a vote on the Senate floor. Read more Idaho State Senator Furious Over Virtual Lap Dance Ban

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Avid Golfer Furious Over Woman Buying 9 Iron as Weapon

SUN CITY, Florida – George ‘Mac’ McGruder, 69, has been golfing ever since he was old enough to hold a golf club. Wednesdays have always been his golf days, even when he was a physician and ran his own practice.

“The girls in the office knew not to bother me on Wednesdays,” said Mac, “unless, of course, someone was dying,” he added.

So when Mac overheard a woman at his favorite golf pro shop ask the clerk what the heaviest club in the set was, he assumed she wanted to know which club would drive the ball the farthest. What he heard next though came about as close to heresy as he could imagine. Read more Avid Golfer Furious Over Woman Buying 9 Iron as Weapon

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