While the Tea Baggers are busy off rallying for their causes, the Populist Party has come up with what they believe is a more effective way to get the attention of big corporate interests to pay attention to just how unhappy their workers are. It’s called the National Stay Home from Work Day Boycott and it’s scheduled to happen on September 3, 2010. Continue Reading

Glenn Beck originally attacked John Lennon posthumously for his quote “We are more popular than Jesus now.” However, Beck recently admitted he now knows exactly what Lennon was referring to when he said those words. Beck now believes that not only is he (Beck) more popular than Jesus, but he also believes he is infinitely more popular than the Beatles. Continue Reading

Hog Jaw, Arkansas has just been named the Kissin’ Cousin Capital of America by Tammy Fay Cosmetics, beating out the other Hog Jaw, Alabama by a mile. The mayor of Hog Jaw, Humphrey Dumpty, in announcing this most dubious honor claimed “if it twern’t fer the Buckner Triplets and their love of Tammy Fay’s strawberry smack lip balm coupled with their love for their cousins Jethro, Jeb and Jubilee, we’d a been singing a sadder song.” Continue Reading

Lei Lei, named phonetically after the famous Lay’s potato chips, was a large baby when born, but not extraordinarily large according to his petite Chinese mother. However, ever since his birth, he’s been eating anything and everything in sight, and he is growing twice as fast as other babies his age. It’s like the Robin Williams movie where he ages quickly, except with a morbidly obese Chinese baby. Continue Reading

NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — Jon Stewart is allegedly being blackmailed by one of The Daily Show’s employees over allegations that in the 90’s, Stewart was a man whore. The information about this closely guarded secret came to light when the employee was asked to dig up some information about Stewart’s “date” with Jennifer Anniston over ten years ago in New York City. Anniston was recently a guest on Stewart’s show and the date came up in conversation. Continue Reading

FORT APACHE, Arizona (Glossy News) — Watch out Rush Limbaugh. Chief Standing Wolf, who earlier this year made certain promises to rid Arizona of non-Native Americans if they didn’t repeal their white man laws allowing only English-speaking people in their state, is on the war path again. This time, it’s Rush Limbaugh that has the Apache leader seeing red. Continue Reading

HOBOKEN, New Jersey (GlossyNews) — The Pentagon today announced that in keeping with the President’s unofficial request to keep spending to a minimum, it would henceforth be purchasing many items used from the popular auction site, eBay at considerably less than they would cost if bought outright from government contractors. In fact, the House Appropriations Committee has declared eBay an official government supply contractor from here on out. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he’s been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he’s found it. He’s opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among the reasons he’s giving for making such a bold business move, Gore came up with these:

*I like the “laying on of hands” concept of Reiki. The magic is in the palms.

*I’ve always been turned on by the phrase “holistic.” Continue Reading

SOMEWHERE, USA (GlossyNews) — Another Friday the 13th came and went without incident. It’s as if the Universe doesn’t take itself seriously anymore. Mars can run retrograde and Saturn can be humping Venus (relatively speaking of course) and still life goes on without so much as a blip.

Until now. Quietly staying behind in the shadows was the bad news of the century waiting its turn to slap the face of every serious beer guzzler out there. Thursday’s business section, August 12th, jumping the gun on every conceivable Friday the 13th doomsday scenario, “The price of a pint may be going up 40%!” Continue Reading

VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13th due to the fact that in addition to the 13th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister event will be happening in the skies that night—a triple conjunction with the moon lining up with Venus, Mars and Saturn all in close proximity that night. Also known as the “smiley face” effect, the occurrence is rare but has always been associated with significant happenings in history. Continue Reading

RENO, Nevada (GlossyNews) — Sharron Angle, the Republican candidate running against Harry Reid for a Senate seat in November has an angle alright. She has come right out and told the media that she’s willing to show up on their show to talk about her campaign only if she can supply them with questions to ask her and only if she can openly ask for money for her campaign on the air. Continue Reading

CUPERTINO, California – (Glossy News) Already iPhone 4 owners are being pulled over by the thousands and ticketed for using their new multi-tasking phones while driving, an illegal act in most states. Iphone 4 owners are complaining to Apple that they are finding it necessary to buy two, sometimes three replacement iphone 4’s due to having them confiscated by police officers. They are crying out to Apple to do something about it. Continue Reading

WORCESTER, Massachusetts – (Glossy News) – Police and fire crews were called to Our Lady of Perpetual Forgiveness in Worcester, Massachusetts last Saturday evening when a church secretary called to report a strange smell emanating throughout the chapel where mass was being held. At first, everyone thought that the priest must have been burning incense and didn’t think anything of it, but as the smell got stronger and some of the faithful began giggling uncontrollably, it became apparent that something was amiss. Continue Reading

All you newly-graduated business college graduates, listen up. There is no longer a need to go out and spend a fortune on expensive power suits and dresses in order to look your best at that all-important job interview, if, in fact, you actually do land an all-important job interview. Continue Reading

From Astronomy Daily:

While NASA was trying to get our attention by telling us a Solar Tsunami is nothing to worry about and would only be responsible for bringing the Aurora Borealis further south for viewing, the very fact that the term tsunami was being used should have tipped us off that this was no ordinary magnetic field headed our way. We saw the effects of the tsunami that hit Indonesia and it was not all pink and green ribbons of light. It was death and destruction. If you’re going to use a word like tsunami, you better be ready to back it up with facts, which NASA unfortunately could not. Continue Reading

WASILLY, Alaska (Glossy News) — In a scene right out of The Real Housewives of New York, Sarah Palin had her bus driver drive her bus (he drove, she and Todd flew via private jet) all the way across country and into the tiny town of Rhinebeck, NY to find out why they weren’t on the guest list of the biggest American wedding this side of the 60’s. Continue Reading

COLORADO CITY, Arizona (GlossyNews) — Glenn Beck University was begun earlier this year by Glenn Beck following his receiving an honorary doctorate from fundamentalist Christian-led Liberty University.

Beck now believes he is qualified to offer college-level courses in American History, Economics and the Constitution, and does so under the guise of calling his courses Faith, Hope and Charity. It is, for Beck, a noble cause. He is single-handedly teaching the “truth” to anyone who will listen. Continue Reading

MOGADISHU, Somalia (Glossy News) — A six-year old Somali girl has been given permission by the Somali government to sail solo around the world in a 46-foot yacht commandeered by her father in a pirate raid off the coast of Somali earlier this year. The father/ daughter pair have been training for this solo adventure since March in a less-luxurious home-made craft.

When Abdul Omar Khalid got word that American 16-year old Abby Sunderland was setting out early in 2010 to sail solo around the world, he became enraged. Continue Reading