Report: Someone, Somewhere Actually Pursuing Career In Dental Hygiene
INDIANAPOLIS – A report released Friday has found that someone, somewhere is actively taking steps to realize a lifelong dream of becoming a dental hygienist. General Dentist No, this isn’t the name of an old WWII general who served in…
A Jewish Guy, a Muslim Guy and God Walk Into a Bar
A Jewish guy, a Muslim guy and God walk into a bar… wait a moment… nuts… I can’t remember how that one goes… I’ll have to tell you another one instead: God is busy at his desk in heaven looking…
Israeli Forces Arrest 1-year-old Palestinian Terrorist
Alert Israeli forces yesterday thwarted a potential terrorist attack by a 1-year-old Palestinian. The terrorist, Qamar Awad, was among nineteen arrested on land in the south Hebron hills that is in the process of being liberated from Palestinians. I spoke…
Satirical News Article Solves U.S. Gun Violence Problem
FAIRFAX, VA – The contentious issue of gun control in the U.S. appears to have been fully resolved today, following the on-line publication of a satirical news article which instantly united advocates on both sides of the issue with its…
Woman Narrowly Avoids Animal Cruelty Conviction, Helps Change Law
In a surprise verdict in Stoughton District Court yesterday, Alessa Maslansky, 47, of Canton, Massachusetts, was found not guilty of charges relating to fitting her neighbour’s dog with a shock collar in an effort to prevent what she called ‘its…
Obama Executive Order Forgives Teacher Debt
WASHINGTON DC–President Obama signed an executive order today forgiving college loan debt held by America’s public school teachers. “Let me be perfectly clear. America’s teachers have worked too hard for far too long, for little pay and even less respect,”…
Toddler Avidly Ruining Around Three Books A Week
INDIANAPOLIS – Despite the inherent allure of mainstream video games, Marvel action figures and children’s television, 3-year-old Nathan LaPlant still manages to find the time to graffiti, on average, three books a week, say the child’s parents. While his older…
TPP Set to Shut Down Media Outlets
In a twist that will come as a shock to everyday users of the Internet, the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) could permanently close down the websites of newspapers across the World Wide Web. “The problem is the very broad language of…
Proof Horoscopes Are Bunk: The Random Horoscope Generator
I’ve known these things were bogus since I was in about 6th grade, shortly after my librarian taught me about Barnum statements. This page proves it. From there I learned about math and probability and realized that there’s zero chance…
World’s Oldest Person dies – Again
Medical experts are scratching their heads as another elderly person has mysteriously passed away this week. Newspapers the world over shared the sad news that the World’s Oldest Person has just died. This is the latest in a rash of…