Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos Internets Tubes

Windows 10 Introduces Wide Array of Exciting New System Errors

Microsoft is proud to introduce Windows 10, the latest version of our operating system for PCs and tablets. To help you get to know our new system better, here are answers to some questions you might have. Why is it…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Windows 10 Introduces Wide Array of Exciting New System Errors
Posted in Politics

A Low Point for President Jesus

WASHINGTON – It has been a tough couple of months for President Jesus in the wake of the problem-plagued launch of the government’s HumanKindness.gov website and continuing criticism of his efforts to address the issues of unemployment and poverty in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! A Low Point for President Jesus
Posted in Society

Satirical News Article Solves U.S. Gun Violence Problem

FAIRFAX, VA – The contentious issue of gun control in the U.S. appears to have been fully resolved today, following the on-line publication of a satirical news article which instantly united advocates on both sides of the issue with its…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Satirical News Article Solves U.S. Gun Violence Problem
Posted in Internets Tubes

CIA Internal Advisory: Secure Communications Guidelines

Dear colleagues, In light of recent developments, we would like to advise all agency personnel about the use of certain communications channels and processes which may not be sufficiently secure. Please pay attention to the new guidelines below. 1. Don’t…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! CIA Internal Advisory: Secure Communications Guidelines
Posted in Politics

Republicans Wish Democrats Would Stop Smiling

WASHINGTON – With the 2012 U.S. election now nearly a week old, Republican politicians are beginning to wonder how long it will take for their Democratic rivals to wipe the shit-eating grins off their faces and return to normal. “It…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Republicans Wish Democrats Would Stop Smiling
Posted in Politics

Romney Leads Among Schizophrenics

GlossyNews.com – CLEVELAND – A new Gallup poll released today finds that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney continues to trail President Obama in popularity among women, African-Americans, Hispanics, Asians, people with cell phones, people aware of the internet, and voters…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Romney Leads Among Schizophrenics
Posted in Politics

Barack Obama Asks for Your Vote… For Mitt Romney

By President Barack Obama My fellow Americans, Next Tuesday, November 6, is Election Day, and this year your vote is more important than ever before. That’s because in this election you have a choice between two very different visions for…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Barack Obama Asks for Your Vote… For Mitt Romney
Posted in Politics

President Romney’s Inaugural Address

“I think my biggest concern obviously would just be for his mental well-being.” – Ann Romney on her concerns about her husband becoming President of the U.S. My fellow Americans. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hee, hee, hee, ha, ha,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! President Romney’s Inaugural Address
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos Politics

Romney’s Economic Plan Is Right Direction For America, According to Apple Maps

Cupertino, CA – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s plan for restoring the U.S. economy will lead to a new era of high employment and prosperity for the nation, according to Apple’s new iOS 6 based Maps app. By entering Mr….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Romney’s Economic Plan Is Right Direction For America, According to Apple Maps
Posted in Human Interest

10 Signs That You’re In a Long-Term Relationship

1. You finish each other’s sentences… because you can’t stand the sound of the other person’s voice. 2. You have wild, passionate sex all night long. Then you wake up. 3. Whenever you miss each other, you just pick up…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 10 Signs That You’re In a Long-Term Relationship
Posted in Internets Tubes Science & Technologizzy

New Course Offerings for the Idiot Generation

HIS1995 – Life Before the Internet This history course covers the dark period of mankind’s existence during the late 20th century, prior to the development of the World Wide Web. Students will learn about the primitive techniques utilized by early…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Course Offerings for the Idiot Generation
Posted in Human Interest

Unemployed Former Aerospace Engineer Says: “Stop calling me that”

CAPE CANAVERAL – Identifying labels apparently matter, at least to unemployed former aerospace engineer Fred Hackford, who is among the thousands of NASA workers being laid off by the space agency following its retirement of the space shuttle and its…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Unemployed Former Aerospace Engineer Says: “Stop calling me that”
Posted in Politics

American Expatriates At a Loss What to Threaten To Do If Romney Is Elected

PRAGUE – As the 2012 U.S. presidential election approaches, the possibility of a win by Republican Mitt Romney is a cause for fear and concern among many liberal Americans across the country. Among those most worried, however, are U.S. citizens…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! American Expatriates At a Loss What to Threaten To Do If Romney Is Elected
Posted in Human Interest

150,000 Feared Dead Following Typical Day

EARTH – An estimated 150,000 people are presumed to have died yesterday in the wake of what experts described as “a fairly typical day” on the planet. If confirmed, the expected number of fatalities during the latest in a string…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 150,000 Feared Dead Following Typical Day
Posted in War Zone

Budget Cuts Threaten U.S. Readiness for Unlikely War

Pentagon worried about ability to defend nation against improbable attack by indeterminate enemy. WASHINGTON – Facing potential budget cuts of $1 trillion over ten years as a result of the U.S. Congress’s failure to agree on a deficit reduction plan,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Budget Cuts Threaten U.S. Readiness for Unlikely War
Posted in Internets Tubes

YouTube Sensation Checks Into Rehab… Meow

Celebrity seeks help after trashing hotel room in catnip-fueled rampage LOS ANGELES – The pressures of fame appear to have claimed yet another celebrity victim today, as one of the Internet’s most beloved stars checked in for treatment at Hollywood’s…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! YouTube Sensation Checks Into Rehab… Meow
Posted in Politics

U.S. Raises Gaffe Threat Level to Orange, As Romney Returns From Abroad

WASHINGTON – The U.S. Federal Election Commission today warned Americans of what it termed “an increased possibility of a major verbal gaffe taking place on U.S. soil within the coming days.” The F.E.C. issued its warning after its analysts detected…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! U.S. Raises Gaffe Threat Level to Orange, As Romney Returns From Abroad
Posted in Human Interest Kidz Zone

Historic Accord Reached in Siblings’ Bitter Territorial Dispute

In major concessions by both sides, boy agrees to stop touching sister’s stuff in exchange for her ceasing to refer to him as “Snot Face.”  SPOKANE, WA – Negotiators are expressing hopes for a new era of reconciliation and peaceful…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Historic Accord Reached in Siblings’ Bitter Territorial Dispute
Posted in Politics

Obama Apologizes For Time It’s Taken To Clean Up Bush’s Mess

President blames himself for underestimating extent to which his Republican predecessor managed to f*ck everything up.  WASHINGTON – In a conciliatory address to the nation today, President Obama apologized for the amount of time it has taken for him to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Apologizes For Time It’s Taken To Clean Up Bush’s Mess
Posted in Biz News Human Interest

ATM Worried About Job Prospects in Cashless Economy

COLUMBUS, OH – As plastic and electronic methods continue to replace cash as consumers’ preferred means of payment, fears about the long-term impact of this trend are running high among a key segment of the nation’s banking workforce, specifically its…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! ATM Worried About Job Prospects in Cashless Economy
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Obama Defeats Romney in Hollywood Version of 2012 Presidential Election

LOS ANGELES – In a classic Hollywood ending that left audiences cheering and wiping tears from their eyes, President Obama triumphed over his Republican rival Mitt Romney in the 2012 U.S. presidential election, after staging a stunning come-from-behind upset that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Defeats Romney in Hollywood Version of 2012 Presidential Election
Posted in Biz News Politics

90 Percent of Nation’s Richest 10 Percent Support “We Are The 99 Percent” Economic Protest

NEW YORK – Some of the nation’s wealthiest citizens are expressing their support for the “We Are The 99 Percent” campaign, which has arisen from the economic protests taking place in New York’s Zuccotti Park and in other cities across…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 90 Percent of Nation’s Richest 10 Percent Support “We Are The 99 Percent” Economic Protest
Posted in Entertainment Politics

TLC Turns Republican Presidential Debates into Hit Reality Series

HOLLYWOOD – Look out, Snooki! Here come Newt and Mitt! Watch your back, Simon Cowell! The “TX-Factor” is right behind you! While television network executives grapple with the generally weak ratings for their new fall lineup – a mostly tepid…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! TLC Turns Republican Presidential Debates into Hit Reality Series
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Homeless Economist Doubts Change in Fed Monetary Policy Can Save Him

WASHINGTON – Embattled Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke’s position on the limited ability of the Fed to stimulate the nation’s sluggish economy was vigorously defended today by a homeless and badly undernourished former expert on monetary policy. Arthur Peterson, a 58-year-old unemployed…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Homeless Economist Doubts Change in Fed Monetary Policy Can Save Him
Posted in Technology Top Stories

WikiLeaks Apologizes for Accidentally Releasing Everyone’s E-mail

LONDON – The anti-secrecy organization WikiLeaks  today issued a public apology for what it termed a “programming error” that resulted in the accidental release of all deleted messages of the world’s e-mail users. “We sincerely regret this error,” WikiLeaks founder…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! WikiLeaks Apologizes for Accidentally Releasing Everyone’s E-mail
Posted in Politics

A Candid Peek Into Sex Lives of the Candidates

The current contenders for the 2012 U.S. presidential election have already stated their positions on a range of key issues such as the economy, taxes, education, immigration, social policy, and national security. But one obvious question still remains. What are…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! A Candid Peek Into Sex Lives of the Candidates
Posted in Politics

Obama Reaches Out to Republican Pinheads to Solve America’s Problems

WASHINGTON – Faced with increasing criticism from within his own party about his concessions to Republicans as part of the recent debt ceiling deal, President Obama yesterday attempted to explain the reasoning behind his approach during a meeting with Democratic…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Reaches Out to Republican Pinheads to Solve America’s Problems
Posted in Science & Technologizzy Technology

Useful New Keyboard Shortcuts

Most users of the Windows operating system are familiar with such frequently used keyboard shortcuts as Ctrl+C for copying selected text or Ctrl+V for inserting text. A number of new keyboard shortcuts have recently been introduced to assist users in handling…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Useful New Keyboard Shortcuts
Posted in Environment Politics

Global Debt Crisis Eases Worries About Global Warming

NEW YORK – Despite suffering through one of the hottest summers on record, Americans are finding that their previous concerns about the possible long-term effects of global warming have been nearly eradicated as a result of their newfound fears about…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Global Debt Crisis Eases Worries About Global Warming
Posted in Health

Goofus and Gallant on Obamacare

Today, Goofus and Gallant tackle the tricky issue of healthcare in the United States. Is it right, left or just plain wrong? Many say it is, but to which is the real question, and the answer to that is also…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Goofus and Gallant on Obamacare