Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution

Our writer Barb Weir has been faithfully advocated peace both on Glossy News and directly to world leaders. What follows is an exclusive, and one provided to us on the strict confidence that we would not release it until the appropriate time.

But for us, the appropriate time is now, since I have to go to sleep momentarily, and I simply can’t wait for CNN to bum rush the story, as they rush to pull it out of their bums. Read more Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution

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Assad agrees to cooperate in “symbolic strike” against Syria

The Assad regime in Syria today agreed to cooperate in a “symbolic strike” against itself. “We understand the need for the U.S. to maintain its prestige and credibility,” said a Syrian government official, on condition of anonymity, “and if bombing some unused installation in the middle of nowhere will make them feel better, we’re willing to help.”

RIGHT: Tomahawk missile on a symbolic mission. [CLICK TO ENLARGE] Read more Assad agrees to cooperate in “symbolic strike” against Syria

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Obama constituency overwhelmingly supports war with Syria

Despite a Reuters/Ipsos poll showing that only 9% of Americans support military intervention in Syria, the White House today assured the public that a more recent and reliable poll leaves no doubt that the President’s constituency favors war.

The poll was conducted by Defense Industries Systems Information, Inc. (DIS Information). It shows that 99.9% prefer increased U.S. military intervention. The poll has a .1% margin of error. DIS Information spokesperson Lyon Daly spoke to this reporter about the polling methodology and findings.

RIGHT: Obama supporters discuss Syria options. Read more Obama constituency overwhelmingly supports war with Syria

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US vows retaliation for rebel chemical weapon use

The United States today assured the world that the “red line” against chemical weapons use applies equally to both the Assad government in Syria and the rebel forces. “We are not hypocrites,” said White House spokesperson Janus Touphaisse. “We have the same standards for everyone.”

I met later with Mr. Touphaisse for further details.

RIGHT: Artist rendering of US foreign policy. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read more US vows retaliation for rebel chemical weapon use

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Major banks agree to principle reduction, lower interest

U.S. homeowners struggling to make payments on mortgages worth as much as three times the value of their home were astonished to learn that their banks had decided to offer principle reduction and lower interest.

“We’ve been negotiating for years and the banks have been unwilling to budge” said Deepa N. Dette from Salem Quick, Wisconsin. “Now this? What does it mean?”

To answer this question, I spoke to Hugh Reilly-Kairs, spokesperson for the American Banking Oligarchy: Read more Major banks agree to principle reduction, lower interest

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Real Christians needed to help remove Arabs

The ad read “Real Christians needed to help remove Arabs” so I called the number and pretended to be a volunteer. A pleasant, cheery woman’s voice responded.

CAFI: Christian Alliance For Israel. Doing God’s work.

Barb Weir: Hi. I saw the ad for real Christians and I want to apply.

RIGHT: Christians do God’s will. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read more Real Christians needed to help remove Arabs

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Egyptian takeover not a “coup”; ketchup still a vegetable

Is the military takeover of the democratically elected government of Egypt a coup d’état? Is ketchup a vegetable? If the military takeover in Egypt is a coup d’état, U.S. law requires the suspension of $1.5 billion in aid per year, second only to the more than $3 billion annual gift to Israel. If ketchup is not a vegetable, U.S. school meals may be violating nutritional guidelines. Read more Egyptian takeover not a “coup”; ketchup still a vegetable

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Netanyahu, Abbas agree to peace talks; listening doubtful

This reporter has gained exclusive access to the agreements between Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that would allow the twenty-year old peace talks between Israel and the Palestinian Authority to resume. The arrangements were brokered by U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry. Read more Netanyahu, Abbas agree to peace talks; listening doubtful

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Samantha Power: Israel to replace US on Security Council

Samantha Power, President Barack Obama’s nominee to replace outgoing U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, Susan Rice, has promised to push for a UN Security Council seat for Israel. (Loyalty to Israel is considered a prerequisite for high office, and creative ways of advancing Israel’s agenda are often rewarded with career advancement.)

RIGHT: Samantha Power completes her training. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read more Samantha Power: Israel to replace US on Security Council

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Historic compromise – Snowden and Obama both to stand trial

This reporter has learned from confidential sources that have top security clearance and a ticket to Hong Kong that there will be a major compromise in the Snowden case.

Mr. Snowden, who has been indicted for espionage, theft and conversion of government property, has agreed to be extradited and stand trial before the U.S. Supreme Court in exchange for a reciprocal arrangement from the U.S. government. The U.S. would agree to turn over President Barack Obama to stand trial for violation of the fourth amendment rights of 313,914,040 American citizens as well as the killing of 4606 civilians in drone assassinations in at least six countries. Read more Historic compromise – Snowden and Obama both to stand trial

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“Snowden still working for us” says CIA

Reliable sources in the ICU section of the CIA confirmed to this reporter that whistle-blower Edward Snowden is “still working for us” and “doing a great job.”

My puzzlement elicited further explanation. “We have more than a million people involved in some kind of surveillance. It was bound to become public at some time, so what better than to break the news ourselves?” Read more “Snowden still working for us” says CIA

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Moderate Sarah Palin urges non-intervention and caution in Syria

Former U.S. Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin encouraged moderation and caution with respect to U.S. intervention in Syria, and denounced U.S. President Barack Obama for heeding former President Bill Clinton, former Defense Secretary Leon Panetta, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and other extremist voices urging military escalation. Palin also made a point of showing respect for Islam as a force for peace and reconciliation.

RIGHT: Sarah Palin challenges the extremists. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read more Moderate Sarah Palin urges non-intervention and caution in Syria

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Non-Muslims worry about backlash following attack by non-Muslim

Note from Barb Weir: The following is a “guest” piece from another budding journalist, Per Voerstinker. I hope to receive more from this writer.

Following the brutal murder of a Pakistani British man in London, the internet abounds with fears of backlash against the non-Muslim community. Shared through Twitter and Facebook, non-Muslims throughout the world have been repeating their concerns: “Oh God, please don’t let the perpetrator be a non-Muslim”.

RIGHT: Non-Muslim terrorism. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read more Non-Muslims worry about backlash following attack by non-Muslim

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Interview with Israeli Foreign Minister John Kerry

My request to interview the Israeli Foreign Minister about Syria was granted, but I was surprised to find John Kerry at the appointment. “Israel and the U.S. have such a close relationship,” he explained, “that each can speak for the other. I rarely have to ask for guidance, so you will get the same answers from either of us, and the same honesty, too.”

RIGHT: John Kerry recites the Pledge of Allegiance. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read more Interview with Israeli Foreign Minister John Kerry

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Don’t assume the Marathon bomber was a white Christian

During periods when we understandably react emotionally to an abominable act of terror like the Boston Marathon bombing, it is important not to make hasty assumptions based upon stereotypes.

It is, for example, easy to assume that the perpetrators might be white Christians because of sensational acts of terrorism like the 2012 Sandy Hook school massacre, the 2012 Sikh temple massacre in Wisconsin, the 2012 Aurora movie theater massacre, the 2011 Seal Beach massacre, the 2008 Northern Illinois University shootings, the 1999 Columbine School massacre, and of course the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. However, we must not Read more Don’t assume the Marathon bomber was a white Christian

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ExxonMobil Assures Oil Spill Will Actually Help Water, Fish and Birds

An ExxonMobil Spokesman, Patrick Mcginn, met with reporters at a press conference today to respond to questions about the oil spill in Mayflower, Arkansas. Asked what position he held in the company, Mr. McGinn responded, “Spokesman”.

“Of course you’re the spokesperson,” responded the reporter, “but what is your actual position, so that we may know your level of authority.”

RIGHT: ExxonMobil Spokesperson Patrick “Mr. Exxon” Mcginn extolls the virtues of the Mayflower, Arkansas oil spill. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read more ExxonMobil Assures Oil Spill Will Actually Help Water, Fish and Birds

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Dogs must reduce drug sniffing, says Supreme Court

“I don’t want no drug sniffing dogs around here,” said Ms. P. Innuckope (not her real name). “I got nuff trouble with human junkies without them bringing their pets.”

Ms. Innuckope was one of many that were relieved when the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the decision of the Florida Supreme Court to restrict the right of dogs to sniff for drugs in a neighborhood. “Let them junkies do their own damn sniffing,” she remarked. Read more Dogs must reduce drug sniffing, says Supreme Court

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