Categorized | Horoscopes, Internets Tubes

Proof Horoscopes Are Bunk: The Random Horoscope Generator

Proof Horoscopes Are Bunk: The Random Horoscope Generator

I’ve known these things were bogus since I was in about 6th grade, shortly after my librarian taught me about Barnum statements. This page proves it.

From there I learned about math and probability and realized that there’s zero chance all people born in the same 30-odd-day period could possibly have the same fate. It just defies probability, reason, and even the ever-wiggly common sense. But this page proves it.

The Funny Hitman has come out with a random horoscope generator page, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t read exactly like every “legitimate” horoscope page out there.

It’s full of blind platitudes, open-ended statements, and whatever-you-want bullshit, just like the rest of them.

But unlike all the rest of the horoscopes out there, this one allows you to reload it just as fast as you can hit F5 (refresh). Sure, there’s a 30-second countdown timer on it, but pay it no mind, you can reload it as often as you like, and the damn thing keeps changing, but never varying from perfection.

A BLANK will happen to a BLANK at a place such as BLANK? I don’t believe it, that might happen to me!

There are a number of complicated algorithms that generate the horoscopes, but that doesn’t change the fact that they all apply to you, and everyone else you know, and that they’re all generated by simply hitting Refresh on your browser.

Skeptics take note. This is how you debunk a well-held belief.

Whatever you do, DO NOT visit THIS HOROSCOPE PAGE.


This post was written by

- who has written 266 posts on

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.


One Response to “Proof Horoscopes Are Bunk: The Random Horoscope Generator”

  1. Brian White says:

    If you want a fresh horoscope generated every second or two, this is clearly the place to get it.


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