Posted in Human Interest

Cents and Sensibility (Though Neither of Either)

Singles seeking sensibility over sexuality crashed newbie dating site Pension Singles just thirty minutes into its Valentine’s Day launch. Hailed as the middle class man (or woman’s) Millionaires Match, the newbie Internet matchmaker promises quality matches between those who slaved…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cents and Sensibility (Though Neither of Either)
Posted in Politics

Obama Executive Order Forgives Teacher Debt

WASHINGTON DC–President Obama signed an executive order today forgiving college loan debt held by America’s public school teachers. “Let me be perfectly clear. America’s teachers have worked too hard for far too long, for little pay and even less respect,”…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Executive Order Forgives Teacher Debt
Posted in Politics

Florida Teachers Take the Heat, Won’t Pack It

Florida law bans guns in school so all talk about arming teachers on the job is well, a crap shoot. In fact, for all the talk, talk, talk no such legislation (as of this date, give them time, it’s early)…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Florida Teachers Take the Heat, Won’t Pack It
Posted in Human Interest

New Year Baby Refuses to be Born

SAN FRANCISCO–The first baby of New Year 2013 is refusing to depart his mother’s womb. The child–identified during the first trimester as a boy and subsequently named Jonah by his parents—stated from in utero, he would permit another infant to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Year Baby Refuses to be Born
Posted in Politics

Bikers Ride Whole Hog for NRA

WASHINGTON DC–Motorcycle clubs across America have accepted the challenge to protect this country’s schools. NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre recently stated an armed police officer be placed in every school. America’s bikers have stepped up in “whole hog” support….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Bikers Ride Whole Hog for NRA
Posted in Human Interest

Pick a Peck of Pilgrim Pepper

Supermarket chains across the United States have agreed to forgo advertising depicting happy families gathered together in celebration and good cheer this holiday season. Although researchers insist an increase in suicide attempts during the holidays has proved largely a myth,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pick a Peck of Pilgrim Pepper
Posted in Human Interest

Newspapers Sleep with the Fishes

MIAMI–Newspapers became unwitting casualties of Black Friday after holiday shoppers swore off traditional sales marketing to shop discounts by smartphone. “I got the paper once a week, on Sundays and only for the coupons,” said one early morning shopper. “No…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Newspapers Sleep with the Fishes
Posted in Human Interest

200 Cows Standing in a Field (or Not)

ORLANDO–My choice to drive State Road 528 over to Orlando International instead of my usual route via Highway 1-92 through Kissimmee proved premonition pops up more often than not. The emergency broadcast system cut off Buckethead and the crew over…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 200 Cows Standing in a Field (or Not)
Posted in Politics

Allen West concedes defeat– “All I want to do is dance.”

TALLAHASSEE–Allen West conceded today that life was way too short to sit back and count votes. The defeated GOP incumbent congressman from Florida has decided instead to toss the political towel to newly elected Patrick Murphy, Democrat, freeing West to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Allen West concedes defeat– “All I want to do is dance.”
Posted in Human Interest

Girl Scouts Rappel Off the Fiscal Cliff for IKEA

DENVER–One hundred girls celebrated the one hundredth anniversary of the Girl Scouts today by dangling off the fiscal cliff. All participants wore safety gear while standing on the rungs of a mile-long rope ladder lashed together by scouts rocking the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Girl Scouts Rappel Off the Fiscal Cliff for IKEA
Posted in Politics

Ruh Ro: Romney Concedes Florida Let the Dogs Out

GlossyNews.com – TALLAHASSEE — Mitt Romney conceded Florida early election night, roof-racked by a story he could not shake. Animal activists nationwide hounded Romney the length of the campaign for strapping Seamus, the family dog to the roof of the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Ruh Ro: Romney Concedes Florida Let the Dogs Out
Posted in Politics

Evangelicals Just Say (Hell) No to Romney

GlossyNews.com – WASHINGTON, DC — Destruction wrought by Hurricane Sandy finds evangelicals staying home rather than casting a vote for Mitt Romney, Virgil Goode or Mickey Mouse. The “Lord’s Will” movement initially organized to support evangelical voters in religious despair…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Evangelicals Just Say (Hell) No to Romney
Posted in Politics

Dixville Notch Grabs Crotch for President

GlossyNews.com – DIXVILLE NOTCH — It’s midnight in Dixville Notch, ten registered voters, one minute to vote, it’s dark, cold and everyone wore a Mackinaw, though few would tell us what exactly that is. By 12:05 a.m., the 2012 Presidential…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Dixville Notch Grabs Crotch for President
Posted in Politics

Jesus Imaginary Christ: Snake Worshipers for Romney

GlossyNews.com – LEXINGTON — Appalachian state exit polls reflect 47% of snake worshipers scribbled an “X” for Romney while others claimed disenfranchisement of their right to vote. Election Protection logged a number of phone reports claiming a Kentucky polling place…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jesus Imaginary Christ: Snake Worshipers for Romney
Posted in Politics

Oh, the Rovanity

FORT LAUDERDALE–Tumult ensued following initial reports that the crash of a Mitt Romney blimp was instead determined to be the explosion of Karl Rove’s much talked about brain. The head of the conservative political analyst and FOX NEWS favorite spontaneously…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Oh, the Rovanity
Posted in Politics

The Tea Party Fat Lady in the Closet

I once viewed the Tea Party as the Paul Potts of politics, supported by ordinary people a bit rough around the edges, yet capable of great accomplishments. Potts, an unassuming man who sold mobile phones for a living, stood solo…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Tea Party Fat Lady in the Closet
Posted in Politics

Cookie Monster “Loses Cookies” at Local Grocery

NEW YORK–Sesame Street star Cookie Monster was admitted to an unnamed psychiatric center following a cookie incident at Hooper’s Store. The beloved character filled twenty shopping carts with cookies before being approached by store personnel. Onlookers described the puppet as…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cookie Monster “Loses Cookies” at Local Grocery
Posted in Biz News

Welcome to the Hotel Post-Bush Tax Cuts

Discount hotel chains nationwide plan to leave the light on for a new breed of budget-conscious traveler—America’s most wealthy citizens. After Dr. Hamilton Lempert, a Cincinnati emergency room doctor, conveyed to NPR that expiration of the Bush tax cuts at…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Welcome to the Hotel Post-Bush Tax Cuts
Posted in Human Interest

Hoffa Digs Romney

The search for Jimmy Hoffa has uncovered the unexpected. Shreds of paper found embedded within core samples of earth removed from beneath the concrete driveway of a suburban Detroit home where Hoffa reportedly lie buried appear to be the missing…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Hoffa Digs Romney
Posted in Human Interest

Oy Vey: Seinfeld to Play Romney in Biopic

Jerry Seinfeld has been cast to play Governor Mitt Romney in a yet unnamed feature film. How hard can it be to play an empty suit? Ask Jerry. “The hardest part will be keeping up with this guy. Romney, he’s…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Oy Vey: Seinfeld to Play Romney in Biopic
Posted in Human Interest Politics

Exposé: Under the Table with the Romneys

The Ann Romney ironing board story unfolds with a new wrinkle. Photographs posted today by Households Without Housekeepers reveal the wall-unit ironing board reportedly used as the Romney dining table was in fact a Murphy bed. The labor activist organization…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Exposé: Under the Table with the Romneys
Posted in Human Interest Politics

Herman Cain Carries Flag for the Democrats

CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA — Television viewers were quick to spot former GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain minutes after the 2012 Democratic National Convention gaveled to order. The Tea Party favorite presented the colors as a member of the Disabled American…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Herman Cain Carries Flag for the Democrats
Posted in Human Interest Politics

Snakes in the Grass… for Obama

MIAMI-A Burmese python found dead in the Florida Everglades has snake and political experts rattled. A definitive square shape outlining the snake’s midsection led to an examination of stomach contents. Along with the remains of a raccoon, the python had…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Snakes in the Grass… for Obama
Posted in Politics

Florida AG Pam Bondi’s Long Beautiful Hair

TAMPA – Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi speaks before the Republican National Convention this week on the subject of a whisper campaign. Will she or won’t she? Known for her gleaming blonde hair and barback good looks, the rumor is…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Florida AG Pam Bondi’s Long Beautiful Hair
Posted in Politics

Paul Ryan “Takes It” Twisted, Sister

Paul Ryan was forced to “take it” following rebuff by Twisted Sister lead man Dee Snider over the choice of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” as the Republican VP-designee’s intro song. Snider denounced use of the 1984 hit at a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Paul Ryan “Takes It” Twisted, Sister
Posted in Politics

Mitt Romney Accepts Monkey on Back

Mitt Romney announced today that he will accept the Republican nomination for President wearing a STAPLES logo stitched to his back. “And no, my friends,” Romney joked to the partisan crowd. “The logo won’t actually be stapled to my back….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Mitt Romney Accepts Monkey on Back
Posted in Human Interest

Aerial Drones Surveil for Trash in Miami… Hey Look, The Olympics

Viewer interest in Olympic skeet shooting soared among Miami Beach residents following the recent passage of a city ordinance mandating recycling monitored by remote-controlled drones. Aerial drones the size of dragonflies fly neighborhood reconnaissance patterns to scan microchips embedded within…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Aerial Drones Surveil for Trash in Miami… Hey Look, The Olympics
Posted in Politics

Florida Gov. Rick Scott Steps Down Citing Medical Reasons

TALLAHASSEE — Florida Gov. Rick Scott stepped down today as leader of the Sunshine State after confidential reports surfaced, which we will not share. These private, personal, legally protected documents, which are confidential, prove the governor withheld a 2008 diagnosis…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Florida Gov. Rick Scott Steps Down Citing Medical Reasons
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Founding Fathers Protest Holmes-Cruise Divorce

This news site previously reported that the recent rising from the grave by America’s Founding Fathers was in direct protest of the Supreme Court ruling that declared the Affordable Care Act constitutional. As stated by Founding Father and second President…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Founding Fathers Protest Holmes-Cruise Divorce
Posted in Politics

Bill Clinton: Rather Switch than Fight

NEW YORK–Bill Clinton rocked the political world today by announcing his change in party affiliation from Democrat to Independent. Meet the Press moderator David Gregory asked Mr. Clinton to explain his decision. “Could’ve been worse,” Clinton responded. “Could’ve switched to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Bill Clinton: Rather Switch than Fight