WASHINGTON DC–President Obama signed an executive order today forgiving college loan debt held by America’s public school teachers.
“Let me be perfectly clear. America’s teachers have worked too hard for far too long, for little pay and even less respect,” remarked the President. “As states like Florida continue to nickel and dime those who educate the youth of this country through legislative mandate of individual pension contributions, union-busting and underfunding of this nation’s schools, providing teachers financial relief–giving back to those who have given so much for so little in return–is a long-term investment in our schools and in our children.”
Teachers who incurred no college debt stood in support of their debt-ridden colleagues. “I don’t know how people are making it on a teacher salary. It’s difficult to live on what we earn,” offered an onlooker. “I’m happy so many now have one less worry on their financial plate.”
Second grade teacher Millie Thompson of Tallahassee was ecstatic. “I can’t believe it. I pay over $300 a month in college loan payments and haven’t had a pay raise in several years. And that’s exactly what this feels like. A pay raise! Thank you, President Obama!”
Surrounded by fifty state Teachers of the Year, loans were “paid in full” with one stroke of the President’s red ink pen.
Florida Gov. Rick Scott had no comment for the press regarding the personal mention of his state, other than to reference President Obama as “just another union complainant.”
Initial reports indicating the executive order contained language forgiving home mortgages held by teachers proved to be unfounded.