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Report: Someone, Somewhere Actually Pursuing Career In Dental Hygiene

Report: Someone, Somewhere Actually Pursuing Career In Dental Hygiene

INDIANAPOLIS – A report released Friday has found that someone, somewhere is actively taking steps to realize a lifelong dream of becoming a dental hygienist.

Even though the position would require a wide level of seemingly demeaning duties, such as cleaning people’s gums and treating others for gingivitis, the report found that an individual – possibly more than one – is presently enrolling in a 2-year associates degree program at a dental hygienist school, with the intention of actually turning it into a career.

“Past records indicate that there are live human beings who willingly overlook all other job choices in favor of dental hygiene,” read the report, “a job that requires one human being to delve intimately into the often-odorous oral space of another.”

“Wow,” continued the report.

Despite a host of other thankless duties involved – such as removing horrifying cavities and advising perfectly innocent strangers on how to maintain a fresh breath – it is estimated that, at some point, someone with an unfathomable passion for the practice will actually enter into a 4-year bachelor’s degree in order to gain further certification from the American Dental Association (ADA).

Meanwhile, further findings in the report indicate that this someone – whoever he or she might be, and wherever he or she may reside – could be aware of the position’s average start-out salary of $63,000.


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Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.


One Response to “Report: Someone, Somewhere Actually Pursuing Career In Dental Hygiene”

  1. Brian White says:

    I see ads for this on tv from time to time. They never really talk about the job, but rather, have past students telling you how great it is that they finally have dreams. You'll notice nobody actually says that they've achieved their dreams, or even that they're working towards them… but by jove they have them.


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