Top Articles of 2012

For the first time in our 10+ years of publishing, we’re getting in on the end-of-year “top lists” game with a list of our top 10, well, 30 actually, stories of 2012.

These are broken into three lists. Top Stories of 2012, Top Stories from our Archives, and Top sub-site pages.

Everything is linked, so feel free to click on as many as you like. All links open in new windows.


Top 10 Stories from 2012

2012 was one hell of a year for We ran about 1,300 stories, 62 on election day alone. We’ve had months when over 40 authors contributed. We’ve had more viral stories this year than in our first 6-years combined.

One on the list is from New Year’s Eve 2011, but we’re looking at a 365-day window, so it still counts. All dates are 2012 unless otherwise noted.

1 – 5/22: George Tierney Exclusive Interview… yes, George Tierney from Greenville, SC by Brian K. White
2 – 9/19: Survey: Fewer Men Fantasizing About Kate Middleton by NickFun
3 – 12/31/11: Anderson Cooper Set to Propose to Kathy Griffin at Midnight by P. Beckert
4 – 9/11: Apple Announces Rainbow Crapping Unicorn by Mark Garrison
5 – 7/3: Jackie Chan’s Rush Hour 4 Stalled by Kilroy
6 – 7/20: The Nine Things Mitt Romney is Hiding in His Tax Returns by Brian K. White
7 – 11/23: Exclusive Interview: Dean Chambers of by Brian K. White
8 – 9/16: New York City Criminals Finding Ways to Enjoy 32oz & Larger Sodas by Nick Fun
9 – 9/26: NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth by Jason Velez
10 – 8/28: Top 18 Dumbest Quotes from Mitt Romney by Brian K. White


Top 10 Stories from the Archives

There are almost 5,000 stories in our archives, between the three unique iterations of the site. Virtually all of them remain available for view.

It’s surprising to see how far back top stories go. #5 on the list is 8-years-old. And clearly, from looking at the list, there’s just no accounting for taste.

1 – 1/7/10: Activists Missing After Declaring “War on Leather” at Motorcycle Rally by Fuzzy Duffy
2 – 3/8/05: Man Sells Own Testicles on eBay by Daniel H. Blazejewski
3 – 2/5/11: Medical Marijuana to be Grown in White House Garden this Year by P. Beckert
4 – 5/31/10: FlashForward Cancelled, and Five Reasons Why That’s Good by Brian K. White
5 – 11/5/04: Best Halloween Costumes You Missed by Brian K. White
6 – 6/26/09: City Council Manhandles Delicates Issue of Thongs by Bob van der Valk
7 – 3/22/09: Anybody Realize How Much Keanu Made Off the Matrix? by Brian K. White
8 – 2/9/09: American Idol’s “Bikini Girl” Adult Photos Surface Online by Brian K. White
9 – 9/21/10: Infamous Miley Cyrus ‘Up Skirt’ Photo to Appear on Postage Stamp by Bargis Tryhol
10 – 2/26/10: Taylor Swift Opening a Chain of Anal Bleaching Salons by Phil Maggitti


Top 10 Sub-Site Pages

Sub-sites on are not a big thing. It started in 2005 when I made this ridiculously involved April Fool’s hoax inspired by a letter to another webmaster saying that the guy was so upset with what he read, he was going to contact AOL and have him remove their site. He thought AOL was the entire internet.

The prank was a major flop, and though I tried like hell to promote it, it just fizzled and I let it go. Relegated it to unlinked back pages of the site. Then a couple years later I was going through my stats and I noticed it was generating traffic. Like a lot of traffic. To this day it earns more money than the news side of GlossyNews, which makes no sense.

Then, due to a lack of proper planning, the domain for Funny Hitman was lost, so rather than scrap all the content, I just moved it over to As you’ll see I haven’t even updated the logo, which I really should.

The pages listed below frequently appear in the top-10 of all pages on the site, and do so year after year, even though I never update them… I really should think about that.

1 – 4/1/05: Telephone Number to Reach AOL Customer Service Reps by Brian K. White
2 – 4/1/05: Help, I Can’t Check My AOL Email Account by Brian K. White
3 – 2003: Random Mexican Restaurant Name Generator by Brian K. White
4 – 2003: Random Italian Restaurant Name Generator by Brian K. White
5 – 2005: Random Pimp Name Generator by Brian K. White
6 – 2006: Random SciFi Movie Generator by Brian K. White
7 – 7/6/11: Random Walmart Bingo Generator by Brian K. White
8 – 4/1/05: Contact a live representative at AOL by Brian K. White
9 – 4/1/05: Contact a live representative at AOL for BILLING HELP by Brian K. White
10 – 4/1/05: Love@AOL, the place to date AOL people by Brian K. White


BONUS: Top Authors of 2012

About 70 authors contributed stories in 2012. While some only contributed one or two stories, some were quite prolific. Listed below are the top 10 authors by volume in 2012.

While the top 10 authors make up only 14% of the 2012 author base, their work accounted for 36% of the total volume. Meaning, on average, the other authors wrote only one story per month.

I would have liked to show authors by readership, but the database just isn’t setup that way. My apologies to the authors and readers. I would have also liked to have showed the top articles by number of comments, but it also doesn’t work that way. Sucks, I agree.

1 – rfreed – 86 stories
2 – Laurence Brown – 73 stories
3 – Bargis Tryhol – 54 stories
4 – Bee – 50 stories
5 – Brian K. White – 49 stories
6 – Tim Jones – 36 stories
7 – P. Beckert – 30 stories
8 – Dexter Sinistri – 30 stories
9 – Juan Valdez – 30 stories
10 – Barb Weir – 29 stories

Thanks to all the writers and you readers too for an amazing 2012. We don’t know what 2013 has in store, but we’re ready to find out. Stay with us. It’s only getting better.

Author: Dexter Sinistri

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.

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