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NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth

NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth

Cape Canaveral, Fla.- After the recent success and attention garnered from the mars rover, Curiosity, NASA launched a probe to Earth with the intent to discover if intelligent life does exist, or has ever existed on the planet.

Many controversial theories have arose over recent years arguing whether or not the planet could sustain intelligent life.

The new rover, called Buick Skylark, is the biggest rover NASA has constructed to date, which hopefully will recapture the public’s fascination with space after the failed attempts of the previous Earth rovers Ford Taurus and the joint Japanese venture, Toyota Camry.”The Taurus Seemed like a suitable choice with its reliability to value ratio, but that simply wasn’t the case,” explained Senior Systems Analyst Scott Boyers. He added, “The Toyota Camry just crashed into the surface.” The Camry’s unfortunate malfunction was thought to have been due to a faulty accelerator.

The previous rovers also lacked the equipment to detect if worth while existance had occured on the planet. The rover Buick Skylark is an impressive structure that has aboard various instruments to test for the existence of knowledgable life.

“Aboard the Buick Skylark, are specific instruments to test for the possibility of intelligent life. A copy of The New Yorker, a sensibly well balanced meal, and several historical documentaries are designed to attract possible intelligent life forms,” says Flight Director David Oh.

Administrator, Charles Bolden has high hopes for the project, stating that “Quite frankly, we don’t know if intelligent life has ever existed there or not. We are well aware of some lesser life forms living on Earth, but so far, have yet to conclude if there are any worth while conversations out there. This will mark a proud day for humanity if we, in fact, do discover intelligent life. Although we have had some compelling evidence, it simply isn’t conclusive.”

Early prototypes proved too compact and comfortable to truly be called a “Buick”.

The habitable environment, rich atmosphere, and supposed examples of non-fiction texts seem to be the evidence scientists have been using to back the “Meaningful Life on Earth” thesis, but skeptics argue that these texts were mere fabrications and depressions left in trash cans outside campus housing.

The rover was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida and landed in the vapid wasteland of Scottsdale, Arizona. Scientists, did not expect to find evidence of intelligent life at that particular location, but hope that the rover is capable of searching the region in order to find ground breaking evidence they need to keep space exploration alive.

Deputy Administrator Lori Garver added, “This is our last shot. Funding is drying up despite our recent success and publicity around Curiosity. We aim to find a way to sustain life on Earth for future generations to come. If we don’t find any conclusive evidence, surely the human experiment will be finite.”

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- who has written 44 posts on GlossyNews.com.

I'm a stand-up comedian, author of "The Alphabet of Everything I Hate," an artist of sorts, and a rouge writer who's got a weird thing for oxford commas... like, really weird. Like three x's weird. Follow me @velezerraptor on twitter

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8 Responses to “NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth”

  1. Brian K. White says:

    Maybe it’s just me, but I’m more interested in what they have to say about a journey to Uranus…

    I know, I know, it’s a tired joke. As they said on Futurama, scientists grew tired of that joke, so they re-named the planet once and for all… to Urectum.

  2. Adam says:

    I don’t care what you say this is exciting times at NASA. Lets go back to space people!

  3. rfreed says:

    “Let’s go back to space people”?
    Don’t we have enough illegal aliens as it is?

  4. Kilroy says:

    “A copy of The New Yorker, a sensibly well balanced meal, and several historical documentaries are designed to attract possible intelligent life forms”

    Surely those would attract intelligent life! But probably not in Scottsdale.

    We ought to stop shooting billions of bucks into the vacuum of space and put our money closer to home exploring the oceans. There’s hole in the bottom of the sea we need to fill up.

  5. salty says:

    Brian:

    The correct pronunciation is Urine-us to avoid infantile humour.

  6. Brian K. White says:

    Salty. I’ve heard that before too, but I fail to see how Urine-us is somehow less mockable.

  7. Kelly N says:

    This is hilarious!Smart,whitty&fun to read.
    & Hits home alil too hard.

  8. Bill says:

    Ummm urine-us still f**king funny

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