Business down the drainpipe for Mario Brothers

WORKERS have spoken of their sadness at a family run plumbing business has gone bust after 33 years trading.

A group of plumbers in Louisville, KY announced last night that, the Mario Brothers Plumbing Ltd was to go into administration and there was expected to be a loss of more than 300 jobs.

The business has sighted the worldwide financial crisis, but staff have accused the poor management of the two owners, Mario and Luigi, that ultimately lead to the closure and loss of jobs. Read more Business down the drainpipe for Mario Brothers

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Cute Baby Rolls Over, Facebook Servers Crash

A SOCIAL media site descended into chaos last night following the news that a four-month-old baby had hit a milestone.

According to reports, baby Molly, rolled on to her stomach to the delight of her proud mother, Bev Herman, who then shared the news via a Facebook status.

The website had to be shut down for over 40 minutes due to the high volume of well wishers and ‘likes’ the status gained in a matter of seconds. Read more Cute Baby Rolls Over, Facebook Servers Crash

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Michael Jackson, Whitney Housten, Reportedly Still Dead

THOUSANDS of social media users were shocked to learn that ‘music legends’ such as Michael Jackson and Whitney Huston are still dead.

The distressing news came throughout the months following the announcement of the pop idols’ deaths.

Mourners took to Twitter and Facebook to share their utter disbelief and heartache over deceased celebrities that they had never met.

One tweet from @lucy_carr5 said: “Literally crying my eyes out listening to ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’. RIP Whitney, heaven has gained another star.” Read more Michael Jackson, Whitney Housten, Reportedly Still Dead

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Housewife becomes Batman-like

A WOMAN has been arrested after she became ‘ninja-like’ and ‘overly mysterious’ while making dinner to the Batman soundtrack.

Emergency services received a distress call from a very panicked husband at a home in suburban Seattle at around 5:45pm yesterday saying that his wife was going ‘crazy’ whispering with intent “I am Housemom” and chopping vegetables in an aggressive manner. Read more Housewife becomes Batman-like

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Satire Writer Bittered by Real Life

A SATIRE writer has become jaded after working on a ‘real’ newspaper.

The satire writer, who can not be named because I don’t want to, has revealed to Glossy News that she, erm… that she, or he, has found it increasingly difficult to write satire after their experience in a newsroom.

The writer said: “When I write satire, I often do so from my soapbox, which I sit on, alone, in the dark.

“It usually results in me mindlessly watching the TV or laughing at Internet memes, but after six hours my eyes get tired so I just write something stupid and call it satire.

“But my whole perspective on life has changed ever since I did some work at a proper newspaper.”

The anonymous writer says that they could not believe the stories that were news worthy and has subsequently found it difficult to write anything meaningful, the writer said: “I began to question everything, the price of cheese, why a cat on the train tracks is news, why blue is blue, my existence, everything.

“What place in this world do I have as a writer of satire, making up convoluted, bizarre scenarios, when out there, in the ‘real’ world, they were already happening and being written about?”

The writer pointed to examples of their work that had been written a few months, or in some cases, days, before actual similar events took place: “A good example would be when I wrote about hobos being government spies who were placed to track down minor crimes, turns out it is totally true, I read it in a newspaper.

“There was also the time I wrote about celebrity women being so unnatural that they were actually from an alternate reality. Yesterday I read a report in the newsroom that they are actually aliens sent here to slowly ebb away at our sense of decency and self esteem.”

Asked if they would return to satire, the writer said: “Screw it, I am through with all this, it is getting scary how close to reality satire can be. They say ‘you can’t make it up’, well they are right and that puts me out of a job.”

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Microsoft Paperclip Endorses Mitt Romney

GlossyNews.com – The Microsoft Paperclip has declared that he is a Republican and has come to the aid of Mitt Romney with an 11th hour endorsement of the pro-corporate candidate.

The Paperclip is largely known for his letter writing interventions, but since declaring he is backing Romney for President, he has developed a special campaigning wizard feature, which is sure to be as appreciated as all of his other timely interjections. Read more Microsoft Paperclip Endorses Mitt Romney

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