Author: Mark Garrison
GA Exit Polls Show Honey Boo Boo Leading Twinkies
GlossyNews.com – GEORGIA – Exit polls conducted throughout the state of Georgia are showing reality TV starlet and shaved Gremlin Honey Boo Boo holding a slight lead over the well known snack Twinkies in the race for the White House….
Gary Johnson Ahead 99 pts Among Non-Voters
GlossyNews.com – OHIO – In a stunning revelation, Libertarian Party candidate Gary Johnson is leading the nation by 99 points among people who have not voted, will not vote, or for other legal reasons cannot vote. “So you mean this…
Romney Ahead 99 Pts Among Those Who Think Twinkies are Vegetables
GlossyNews.com – CINCINNATI – The latest exit polls are showing Mitt Romney is leading President Obama by an estimated 99 points among voters who think Twinkies are a vegetable. The results would have actually been 100% but when one Romney…
Republicans Demand NASCAR Observers at Polling Places
GlossyNews.com – TALLADEGA – Republicans in The Deep South are demanding that NASCAR officials be sent to all polling places to ensure a fair election. Talladega Republican Party Chairman Larry “big cheese” Nelson said, “We can’t risk our people not…
Romney Promises to Stop Gorbachev from Building Catapult
GlossyNews.com – BOSTON – In a last ditch effort to win over undecided voters, Mitt Romney today promised to stop a former leader of a defunct country from building an archaic weapon capable of hitting a non-existent state. At his…
Republicans Crucify Jesus for Offering Free Healthcare
BILOXI – People were shocked when a strange light was seen in the sky yesterday. Many wondered if it was a meteor. However, the light that fell to earth was none other than Jesus Christ himself. The Christian leader landed…
North Korea Develops Slingshot Capable of Reaching North Korea
SEOUL – North Korea’s official news agency today announced the development of a highly advanced slingshot capable of hitting its own territory or fifty feet, whichever comes first. North Korean leader Kim Jong-un spent time touring the new facility which…
Big Bird Talks Mitt Romney in Hard Hitting Interview
He’s every kid’s favorite bird. Big Bird has been a staple on American television since 1969. So it was no surprise that many Americans became upset when Mitt Romney made public his plan to fire the icon. We met at…
Review of Motorola’s Amazing DynaTac 8000
First off I want to thank Motorola for sending me this phone. I know they are having a hard time keeping these in stock due to popular demand. To start with, I plugged the DynaTac into my clothes dryer outlet…
Looper Movie Review
Looper is an amazing movie. Though you have to see the first one to make much sense of it, newcomers will be pleasantly surprised as well. Looper is set in a fantastic world filled with trees and blue people. These…