Categorized | Health

Medical Marijuana to be Grown in White House Garden this Year

Medical Marijuana to be Grown in White House Garden this Year

WASHINGTON, D.C. – It is the first week of February, and for Michelle Obama, this means it is time to start planning the White House organic garden. While the garden will again contain a variety of fruits and vegetables as well as a few ornamental flowers, a new addition is sure to create the most controversy ever.

The White House organic garden will include several varieties of medical marijuana. The District of Columbia, like many states, has enacted medical marijuana laws allowing the cultivation of marijuana for medical purposes. A special gardener with a marijuana growing license has been appointed to oversee this particular plot of the garden.

Tommy Chong, no relation to Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong fame, is a Japanese gardener who is well versed in the various types of cannabis and their medicinal properties. Marijuana will comprise only a small part of the “medicinal herb” portion of the White House garden this year, which will also include various sage plants, lemon verbena, St. Johnswort, Valerian, Feverfew, Eyebright, and others.

A spokesperson for the garden project claims that this will be a first for the White House. “Marijuana has gotten a bad rap for decades,” said Mary Bridges, no relation to Jeff Bridges, notorious for his vocal backing of the legalization of marijuana. “Cultivating medical marijuana in the White House garden will send a clear message to America that this administration will do whatever it takes, including growing Maui Waui, (a particularly potent Hawaiian variety of the plant) to assure better health for our citizens.”

Asked if this means that the medical marijuana grown in the White House garden will be distributed and sold to local dispensaries in the area, Ms. Bridges replied “Oh heavens no. While growing medical marijuana is allowed, we have not yet approved the opening of any dispensaries in our area.

Anticipating the next question, Ms. Bridges explained “No, the Obamas are in excellent health and will not be using the marijuana themselves for any health issues.”


This post was written by

- who has written 457 posts on

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at


54 Responses to “Medical Marijuana to be Grown in White House Garden this Year”

  1. R.J. Howard says:

    Even though this is satire, don’t be surprised if it show up on Faux News as fact.

  2. Govt can grow it but they will lock u up if you try to do the same! Corporations are the reason this miracle plant became illegal in the first place. We must kick them out of govt. Lobbying… I thought political bribery was illegal?
    Hemp can be used for over 25,000 different uses including paper, gasoline, food, clothes, plastics, build houses, make cement, make rope and canvas, and best yet CURE CANCER! Google Harvard THC cancer study.
    Go to youtube and watch Rick Simpson Story Run From the Cure. He cured his cancer with the oil from hemp (which you cannot get high off of) to cure his and hundreds of others cancers. until government, or should i say corporations came in and shut him down.

  3. r.zimmer says:

    They should categorize this as humor right up front at the beginning of the article so their is no mistake about it. You should not have to search the article to find out its just humor.

  4. P. Beckert says:

    I know, bummer, right?

  5. Noir Babe says:

    If this had been a real story you would’ve heard a whole lot more about it.

  6. Brian K. White says:

    Are you sure? I think I’ve been hearing a LOT about it already. Where do you get your news from? (The lamestream media, I’m guessing!)

  7. Ben says:

    Well, with the costs associated with rolling fat blunts, this may serve as a wise move for Mooochelle et al………lol

  8. Kilroy says:

    So growing medicinal marijuana has finally “come out of the closet?”

  9. b says:

    Yep, it’s starting to make it’s way around real news circles.

  10. Dennis says:

    A few years back, a car that ran on hemp oil was brought to the New Mexico State Fair….they were all detained and nearly arrested by the State Police…what a three ring circus that turned out to be…they were finally released but not for a few days.

  11. rfreed says:

    We’re a drugged up enough culture as it is.

    And you’re not going to get high from smoking the lemon balm that is in the picture. It will leave a nice after taste though.

  12. Dexter says:

    I’ve got some killer Columbian lemon balm that’ll blow your mind!

  13. jer says:

    Um… You can most def get blazed from thc oil. The oil rick Simpson used. Cannabis cures cancer and happens to be the leas harmful substance known to mankind. This is crap if they’re allowed to grow then stop ruining peoples lives for possessing or cultivating “gods” gift of an herb. With all the codex crap and s510 it’ll become illegal to even grow this “lemon balm” before long. Needs to end wake up folks.

  14. rfreed says:

    Thanks Dex, but what’s left of my mind is already blown.

  15. P. Beckert says:

    Well, I’ll be RFreed. You really don’t smoke do you? I can assure you that the drooping plant to the left is marijuana. But you keep thinking it is lemon balm. They can see you coming a mile away…

  16. rfreed says:

    I’m sending the Texas State Troopers around to your house to discuss with you the fact that you can tell the difference.

  17. T2 says:

    That MJ plant looks photoshopped in that pic! Hahaha!

  18. sheri says:

    very convenient just to walk out side nd pluck the plant nd smoke it.this way they dont have to pay the dealer.they are breaking laws to please them,obamas got high blood pressure,doesnt call for pot.we need to start drug testing government officials nd if they have drugs in their system,they get fired.they are not above the american people.the feds need to walk in nd confiscate it nd charge them for their crimes nd lose their jobs nd benefits.there is no reason our taxes should pay for a drug addict.another crime thats being ignored.

  19. P. Beckert says:

    yeah sheri, nd it should be against the law to not get satire too.

  20. anitag says:

    Just read this article about POT being grown at the white house….You must be kidding???? Why grown it if the only reason is its medicinal purpose, and everyone at the white house is healthy???? So, let me get this straight, your gonna grow it, not give it to a dispensary to make use of this Medicinal Herb, and your gonna pay a gardner just to tend it???? How much more unreal does it need to get?? Come on Obamas who do ya think your fooling?

  21. rfreed says:

    Hate to tell you anitag- You’re fooled.
    The article is a spoof.

  22. Lester Molton says:

    I grew 3 plants in my back yard for pain and the state of Fla. put me in prison for a year and a half.How is it LEGAL for them to grow it.But I guess it depends on who you are????????????????????

  23. Rick Steeb says:

    A year ago, DEA raided Jefferson’s Monticello poppy patch. This HAD to be a spoof!

  24. chegz says:

    i heard about this story from a real news letter as a genuine news story! i can’t believe people still don’t get satire, the gardener’s called tommy chong for gods sake!

  25. P. Beckert says:

    who? Dave’s not here.

  26. Well my name happens to be ‘Dave’ and I had to endure that joke through all six years of High School!

  27. P. Beckert says:

    Go ahead and vent. Don’t let us “hold you back”

  28. reiko says:

    When is the First Lady going to get a knock at the door from the
    Social Services due to the kids.

  29. Kilroy says:

    LT-six years of high school, eh? Apparently when they had roll call…Dave really wasn’t there!

  30. Help help, I’m being repressed over here!
    As much as I love living in Alabama, there is a major drawback: I can’t legally smoke weed. And this pisses me off. Most days I read Google Marijuana News and there are almost always stories of the cops confiscating marijuana right here in Alabama.

    That means that:
    1. I must be very careful out there. The cops want to bust marijuana users.
    2. There is less weed on the street, making prices higher.
    3. It’s harder to trust other smokers; who is a narc, is this guy trying to buy from or sell to me cool?
    and finally, and this is the most important part:
    4. The founding fathers acknowledged in the United States Declaration of Independence that all men have certain “Unalienable Rights”, including Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
    I’m being repressed over here! Can I get some help?

    America has been sold a bill of goods on Marijuana. Alcohol is continually being pushed in our culture, see the dumb*** Miller Lite commercials for example (if I don’t drink Miller Lite, I must be a stupid (White Male) that is completely clueless). Marijuana users by contrast are portrayed as stupid, inarticulate morons and America believes this! This is bull**** — we must fight back!

    Your suggestions and thoughts are welcome.

  31. wash-voter says:

    Well let’s wait and see if they call in sick on 4-20. Don’t forget to play hookie tomorrow to show your support of the peacefull movement. Do some gardening of your own. Don’t buy booze that day either, help send a message to the biggest drug dealers (the alcohol industry).

  32. Seriously, almost everyone on here is a complete idiot. (minus the guy who warns of the U.N. codex and the guy who references Rick Simpson’s cancer cure)

  33. rfreed says:

    Wow, just wow says:
    June 7, 2011 at 2:33 am

    Seriously, almost everyone on here is a complete idiot. (minus the guy who warns of the U.N. codex and the guy who references Rick Simpson’s cancer cure)

    …says the guy who has “Wow, just wow” as a moniker…..

  34. Weeble says:

    The irony of this is that they actually do gow it under contract at the University of Mississippi for the Government ran Medical Marijuana Compassion project.. It was closed to new patient applications under GW Bush’s administration.. But there are 4 remaining patients that the US Government grows Cannabis for , and they distribute up to 10 ounces a month in rolled joints to each patient and their doctors report nothing but positive results.. But wait it is illegal under federal law because it has no medicinal value no?! EXACTLY…..

  35. P. Beckert says:

    You’re right. And one of those 4 people just got stopped for having the marijuana. True story.

  36. BobZaguy says:

    “They should categorize this as humor right up front at the beginning of the article so their is no mistake about it. You should not have to search the article to find out its just humor.”

    The editors only openly categorize humor up front when it is too obvious that the story is really funny satire. On the serious satire, like this fine example, they let the reader bask in the mellifluous words of the artsy writer without telling about the humor ahead. They hate to spoil it for the advanced satire reader.

    They are nice that way, these editors.

    (ps — they also get off at their ed. meetings about the silly people who think stuff on here is serious.)

  37. P. Beckert says:

    Nah, it’s way too much fun goofing on the potheads.

  38. DJ says:

    This is BS, I have Multiple sclerosis, and this is no joke! Look alcohol ruined my life for years, jobs, relationships, heath etc. when I was diagnosed years before Mont.Williams, and there was no medical MJ, A fellow at at support group suggested I try it. man oh man, I am hear to tell you what liver killing pharma. doesn’t want you to know! it brought instant relieve after 2 puffs (tokes)!! My nerves returned to normal and that was 17 yrs ago and I’m fine NO wheel chair as my doctor said i would need, that’s truly a miracle drug and if Obama had been stricken, you better believe federal law would change, and he would toke up 3x’s a day like myself!!! I saw don’t get high I return to normal!!! I have also seen it cure cancer!!!!! under a microscope!! In a documentary, go look for it, the cure it right in front of us!!!!! Amen! get rid of the meth, coke, opiates unless hospitalized and look to the God giving cure it’s right there!!!!!!!!!CANNABIS

  39. Dude says:

    That’s epic! Though Chong isn’t a Japanese name, it’s Korean.

  40. rfreed says:

    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with smoking marywanna……
    Ther iz reely nothin wrong with……..I fergits…..

  41. Brian K. White says:

    Patti did something right. This story is still listed as among our most popular. Kudos, sister!

  42. P. Beckert says:

    Wait, I did something right and the earth is not tilting sideways on its axis? A miracle I tell ya, a freakin’ miracle.

  43. Stephen Cash says:

    does anyone know if this actually happened?

  44. P. Beckert says:

    It’s possible but doubtful. Hope this helps.

  45. Ty Blacklock says:

    "Glossy News is an accredited online satirical publication and a contributing member of HumorFeed. Our stories also appear on Google News and other select news aggregators."

  46. Giddy Up says:

    i meant to reply to Stephan CAsh

  47. Mary Jane Thorpe says:

    It's this for real?

  48. Nick Roash says:

    So this isnt real…

  49. Jeremy Dwight Owens says:

    this is real and is actually happening its confirmed.

  50. Once again, it is alright for them, but not for everyone else. There are good people sitting in a prison for 10 – 15 years, some even longer for this. My head is about to explode. This burns me up. They better legalize marijuana for everyone now. This is not right.

  51. Obama needs to wake up and listen to the people. His appointed Attorney General gets it and even his gardener. So does this mean he has a valid MMJ card? Hmmmmmm. If not, I anticipate a DEA raid at the White House in the near future. Best of luck to him. What a crazy country we live in.


Leave a Reply

We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
We Made a Movie!

Check us out on Kickstarter!

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL Videos) --

Glossy News Fake Commercials!

More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial