Author: Jason Velez
New Theme Park, ‘Stand Your Ground Land’ Opens Up in Orlando
ORLANDO, FL- Amidst the controversy of the recent verdict in the Zimmerman trial, the National Rifle Association has opened up a new theme park in the popular tourist location of Orlando, Florida. The theme park features a drive through safari…
Power Wheels Offer Green Solution
NEW YORK- Mattel, parent company of the popular toy brand Power Wheels, has announced their bid in to the economic future of this country. They have announced a partnership with the Ford Motor Company to begin selling Power Wheels on…
Pope Francis Caught Touching Children Appropriately
VATICAN CITY- Allegations arose today as some parents of affected children have come out and told reporters about the lack of abuse shown to their children, directly correlated to Pope Francis. “When he kisses them, it’s on their forehead, and…
Pope Francis Caught Touching Children Appropriately
Domestic Terrorists Enraged Foreigners are Taking Their Jobs
Domestic Terrorists Enraged Over Foreigners Taking Their Jobs
BAGGS, WYOMING- Notable domestic terror organizations are taking offence to the recent terror activities perpetrated by immigrants. These domestic terror organizations are characterized by their preference of white superiority and characterization of Jesus as a blue eyed, blond haired savior….
Americans Relieved to See a Tragedy Not Related to a Crazed Gunman
Everywhere, United States- Americans shared a collective sigh of relief this week when they discovered that a tragic explosion in Texas had nothing to do with a crazed individual maliciously seeking violence amongst the population. There had been such a…
CDC Announces Lower Cases Of Linsainty in 2013
Atlanta – The Center for Disease Control announced today that the terrible fever of Linsanity that swept New York City last year has finally subsided. Doctors say they feared the disease would spread to Houston, but were relived to find…
Intelligence Suggests France May Have a Military
Washington DC- Senior pentagon officials have released a statement where they have confirmed the long speculated existence of a French military. “We were just scanning Africa, you know, because we were bored,” says an off the record source. “And because…
Harbaugh Mother Still Not Impressed With “Harbowl”
Toledo, Ohio- Sunday night, NFL history was made again when the first set of brothers who are head coaches face off in Super Bowl XLVII. Jim Harbaugh, head coach of the San Fransisco 49ers and John Harbaugh, head coach of…