Scientists Declare 3,000 YO Andean Mummy “Total Hottie”
Researchers from Oregon State University announced that virtual facial reconstruction of a 3,000 year old Andean mummy revealed, “She was totally hot”. Using the latest in digital imaging technology, “the team has concluded that she was at least an 8,…
Karl Rove Reduced to Street Corner Begging; “Will Smear for Food”
Karl Rove Seen Begging On Street Corners- “Will Smear Someone for Food”. Little has been seen of Karl Rove, the Republican Wunderkind of underhanded politics, since his horrendous humiliation due to Obama winning the Presidential election- until now. Witness’s claim…
The National Rifle Association Revises Its Proposal
RIGHT: The National Rifle Association unveils its new proposal for protecting schools. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)
Bikers Ride Whole Hog for NRA
WASHINGTON DC–Motorcycle clubs across America have accepted the challenge to protect this country’s schools. NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre recently stated an armed police officer be placed in every school. America’s bikers have stepped up in “whole hog” support….
How I Successfully Trolled Ali G’s Cousin
A few days ago, for some reason, I was thinking on how to get my revenge on an Autism researcher who knows nothing about his subject and completely eclipses a woman who does, when a really wicked thought came to…
NRA Finds Just the Man for Their Propaganda Ministry
The National Rifle Association, caught like a raccoon in the headlights by the shooting of grade school children, has been awfully quiet since the incident. The shooting puts them in a very negative light since they support the sales of…
Aztecs Slam “Typical Stupid Mayans” When World Fails to End
Many Aztecs throughout North and Central America rejoiced at the stroke of midnight December 22nd, 2012, as the world failed to end, in accordance with Mayan prophecy. “Those stupid [beeping] Mayans. They’re just wrong about everything,” said Miguel Quattel, an…
An Interview With Philip Glass During the Apocalypse
New York – In the refined New York home of Philip Glass, the great American minimalist pianist, we discussed the finer points of symphonic and chamber music over cheese and 10-year old Merlot wine. Q: When you first began playing…
So Long, Farewell, Adieu: The End is Coming and it Will Get You Too
Greetings dear Readers! [EDITOR’S NOTE: Due to the advice of what later turned out to be a con artist, this article was not reviewed for publication prior to the end of days deadline. We had been assured that the world…
Fiscal Cliff Progress: Obama, Boehner Agree 16,375,434,000,001 “a Real Number”
As President Barack Obama and House Majority Leader John Boehner continue “fiscal cliff” negotiations, preliminary reports say that despite the inability of the human brain to conceptualize 16 trillion units of anything, both men have agreed to pretend that’s how…