Posted in Human Interest Society

“Yoga Pants in Public” Innovator to Receive Congressional Medal of Freedom

In one of the first truly bipartisan initiatives in recent memory, the 113th US Congress voted overwhelmingly this morning to award the innovator of the “yoga pants in public” women’s fashion trend with the nation’s highest civilian honor, the Congressional…

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Posted in Environment Science & Technologizzy

Tatooine Womp Rat Believed Extinct

Officials with the Tatooine Department of Wildlife announced today that the long imperiled womp rat is believed to be extinct in the wild. At not much bigger than two meters, womp rat numbers declined steadily since human settlement, mostly due…

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Posted in Human Interest Religionism

Catholic Priests Terrorize Italy’s Youth

Terror in Italy this morning as hundreds of Catholic priests descend upon the Vatican. Italian Mister of Defense Giampaolo di Paola has imposed a strict curfew and parents are being encouraged to keep their children indoors until the threat has…

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Posted in Sports

Nations Husbands “Only Watch Women’s Sports for Skimpy Outfits”

In a stunning turn around, a spokesman finally admitted that the nation’s husbands watch women’s sports “only for the skimpy outfits.” The statement comes as a shock from the group who has maintained a hardline “for the love of sport”…

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Posted in Human Interest Sports

Local Angler Suddenly Better Than Long-time Fishing Buddies

Florida native and longtime saltwater angler, Clayton Moore, announced to friends this afternoon that, due to his recent purchase of a fly rod, he is now a better fisherman than they are. “I’ve suspected it for a while but when…

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Posted in Politics

Palin Proposes Bridge Over Fiscal Cliff

Political pundit and former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin held a press conference this morning to propose the construction of a bridge “assuring Americans safe passage over the fiscal cliff”. “I’m tired of Washington insiders debating the dangers of this…

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Posted in Science Science & Technologizzy

Study Reveals Disturbing Levels of Inbreeding Among Santa’s Elves

A new study published today in The Journal of Humanoid Genetics reveals high levels of inbreeding among Santa’s famous toy making elves. Analysis of DNA microsatellites obtained from blood samples taken from several hundred randomly chosen North Pole elves resulted…

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Posted in Science Science & Technologizzy

Scientists Declare 3,000 YO Andean Mummy “Total Hottie”

Researchers from Oregon State University announced that virtual facial reconstruction of a 3,000 year old Andean mummy revealed, “She was totally hot”. Using the latest in digital imaging technology, “the team has concluded that she was at least an 8,…

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