An Interview With Philip Glass During the Apocalypse

New York – In the refined New York home of Philip Glass, the great American minimalist pianist, we discussed the finer points of symphonic and chamber music over cheese and 10-year old Merlot wine.

Q: When you first began playing the piano, who were the composers that you found most influential?

A: I really enjoyed the compositions of my pet rock, Barney. I used to let him lay on the keyboard and play a single note for hours on end. It was an epiphany…

Q: Now what about…

A: …In my pants.

Q: Now what about your schooling at… My, isn’t that a beautiful sunset? And at eleven in the morning.

A: Yes. Yes it is. I’m sorry, I seem to have left the heat on. It’s getting a little sultry.

Q: Thank you, I thought that was just me. And we do seem to be experiencing some weather, now. Is that hail?

A: Yes, it appears that it is. How strange. And thunder as well.

Q: How interesting. Now your newest concerto, how did you HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

A: THERE ARE FLAMES EVERYWHERE!

Q: IS MY HAIR ON FIRE? IS IT ON FIRE? MY HAIR?

A: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH….

Q: WOULD YOU PLEASE LET GO OF MY FOOT?

A: ….AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH….

Q: WHERE IS THE EXTINGUISHER?

A: …AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…

Q: DO YOU EXPECT YOUR NEWEST ALBUM TO HAVE MORE CHROMATIC UNDERTONES THAN…

A: …AAAAAHHHHH….

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