Amy Poehler SCANDAL! Is new Netflix Series a GRUDGE BOMB Against Tina Fey?????

NEW YORK – Netflix’s new hit show, Russian Doll, is just a ploy by a vengeful Amy Poehler to get back at her friend and fellow comedian Tina Fey, following Fey’s repeated success in writing TV shows, and Poehler’s lack thereof. Sources familiar with the production of Russian Doll have claimed that its success since being released have only made Poehler angrier; because the inspiration, of course, came from Fey.
Read more Amy Poehler SCANDAL! Is new Netflix Series a GRUDGE BOMB Against Tina Fey?????

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State-Wide, Only 5 People Now Eligible to Hold Office in Virginia

RICHMOND, Virginia – The political situation in Virginia has grown dire. First, the Democrat governor admitted that his page in his medical school yearbook has people with blackface and Klan robes in it. Then, the Democrat second-in-command lieutenant governor got credibly accused of sexual assault by not one, but two women. Then, right after he said that people who wore blackface should not be governor, the state’s attorney general, also a Democrat and third-in-command for the governorship, admitted that he also once wore blackface. Read more State-Wide, Only 5 People Now Eligible to Hold Office in Virginia

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Schumer-Ception: Senator Incepts Idea to Shut Down Government in the President

“I must not use these powers for the forces of evil,” Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) told aides after emerging from the Oval Office after a confrontational meeting with the President. He fist bumped the intern that told him to watch the movie Inception and turned to Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) as the crowds of cameras rushed past them.

“I can’t believe I just got him to take responsibility for shutting down the government.”

The ploy has been weeks in development. Ever since stumbling into a conversation among his interns about the best movies in the past few years and learning about the plot of Inception, Senator Schumer has pondered the idea of trying it on President Trump.

Hailey Harris, one of the interns, recalled the conversation that started it all. Read more Schumer-Ception: Senator Incepts Idea to Shut Down Government in the President

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Republicans Outperform in Midterms, Russian Hackers Escape Blame

Kiev, Ukraine – Comparing the results to what pollsters had predicted in the lead up to Election Day, politicans and journalists have generally concluded that, with few exceptions, Republicans outperformed expectations by several percentage points. Read more Republicans Outperform in Midterms, Russian Hackers Escape Blame

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Lebron James Arrives, to the Dismay of Teammates Who Wanted to Shoot

The arrival of Lebron James on the Los Angeles Lakers has not thrilled everyone. After years of dealing with Kobe Bryant taking every shot on offense, now the other players on the Lakers have to cope with the fact that Lebron will be taking all of the shots for the next four years.

“We were so close,” shooting guard Kentavious Caldwell-Pope said, watching Labron James shooting free throws during the pre-game warm up for the season opener against the Portland Trail Blazers. “I was looking forward to finally getting the chance to shoot the ball.”

“Now it’s just going to be pass, pass, pass,” Lonzo Ball agreed. “The only difference is we’re going to get pressured to give it to Lebron, rather than Kobe.” Read more Lebron James Arrives, to the Dismay of Teammates Who Wanted to Shoot

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Extremist Group Exercises its Freedom of Religion on NAACP Building

A Montana neo-Nazi extremist organization, The Color White, Inc., claimed responsibility earlier today for the recent bombing of a building in Colorado Springs, owned by the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP).

The building, including the part rented to the popular barbershop Mr. G’s Hair Design Studios, suffered minor damage when a grenade detonated next to a portable kerosene tank, which did not explode during the attack. Read more Extremist Group Exercises its Freedom of Religion on NAACP Building

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Appearances by the Spanish Inquisition Becoming Predictable

Melville, Montana – Just last Tuesday, Todd Johansen, loan manager of the local Bank of America, came home to find his wife, Karen, sitting deliberately at the kitchen table.

“He’d called my cell during lunch and said it would be another ‘late night at the office,’” she said. “I admit I was getting more than a little suspicious, and thought that I’d finally find out what was going on.”

“Nothing was going on,” Todd said with a sheepish grin and a shrug. “Things had just been tight at the office since Bob retired and no one had been hired to replace him.”

“But I didn’t know that at the time, so when he came home, I kind of got carried away and started yelling.”

Todd nodded. “That was about when I said, ‘I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition,’ and then –”

Suddenly, the door behind me burst open and three men in red jumped in from the kitchen. The leader lurched forward, a gold cross dangling from the chain around his neck, and bellowed, “NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!”

Taken aback, I glanced at Todd and Karen.

“Just like that,” Karen told me, pointing at the newcomers.

“Our 18 chief weapons are…”

“Ooh, 18 this time!” Todd exclaimed, shifting in his seat, clearly eager to hear the rest.

“Are…” the leader started, “Amongst… Our 18… chief, but not all inclusive, weaponry are: Fear and surprise, surprise and fear, and a ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, wealthy friends, oil for the chains, these nice red uniforms – really, feel them, aren’t they soft?”

They were, indeed, quite soft. Almost velvet, and yet with a sheen of silk. Both Todd and Karen gave satisfied nods before the leader stepped back to continue.

“Right. Spears and nun chucks, nun chucks and spears, a hand grenade or two, no three, comfy chairs, an iTunes gift card, politicians friendly to the cause, a philosophy degree, these cool hats, a turbo-charged VW Beetle, a stretching rack, baseball bats, and a defunct partridge in a pear tree… Are…”

One of the leader’s compatriots tapped him on the shoulder, holding up four fingers. One of the things he whispered in the leader’s ear was the word “nineteen.”

“Amongst…” the leader shouted at us before turning to the other and hurriedly whispering, “are you sure?”

The three of them clustered into a huddle back by the china cabinet. From what we could hear, the leader seemed to think that “spears and nun chucks” were only one item. The others seemed to be in disagreement. Todd watched on in rapt attention to their antics. Karen was pleasantly bemused.

With a sudden flourish, the three of them jumped from their huddle and back into our midst. The leader stepped forward, took a great, long, prominent inhale, then shouted “We’ll come again!” and they all flew back out the door.

“Well,” Todd said, then added, “there you have it.”

“And if you say ‘I wasn’t expecting…’”

“Yep,” he cut me off. “They’ll come bounding back in. It’s happened every time since that first time last Tuesday.”

“It’s quite fun to do, sometimes,” Karen stated.

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