Posted in Television

Amy Poehler SCANDAL! Is new Netflix Series a GRUDGE BOMB Against Tina Fey?????

NEW YORK – Netflix’s new hit show, Russian Doll, is just a ploy by a vengeful Amy Poehler to get back at her friend and fellow comedian Tina Fey, following Fey’s repeated success in writing TV shows, and Poehler’s lack…

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Posted in Politics

State-Wide, Only 5 People Now Eligible to Hold Office in Virginia

RICHMOND, Virginia – The political situation in Virginia has grown dire. First, the Democrat governor admitted that his page in his medical school yearbook has people with blackface and Klan robes in it. Then, the Democrat second-in-command lieutenant governor got…

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Posted in Politics

Schumer-Ception: Senator Incepts Idea to Shut Down Government in the President

“I must not use these powers for the forces of evil,” Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) told aides after emerging from the Oval Office after a confrontational meeting with the President. He fist bumped the intern that told him to watch…

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Posted in Politics Technology

Republicans Outperform in Midterms, Russian Hackers Escape Blame

Kiev, Ukraine – Comparing the results to what pollsters had predicted in the lead up to Election Day, politicans and journalists have generally concluded that, with few exceptions, Republicans outperformed expectations by several percentage points.

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Posted in Sports

Lebron James Arrives, to the Dismay of Teammates Who Wanted to Shoot

The arrival of Lebron James on the Los Angeles Lakers has not thrilled everyone. After years of dealing with Kobe Bryant taking every shot on offense, now the other players on the Lakers have to cope with the fact that…

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Posted in Crime Religionism

Extremist Group Exercises its Freedom of Religion on NAACP Building

A Montana neo-Nazi extremist organization, The Color White, Inc., claimed responsibility earlier today for the recent bombing of a building in Colorado Springs, owned by the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP). The building, including the part…

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Posted in Entertainment Religionism Television Top Stories

Appearances by the Spanish Inquisition Becoming Predictable

Melville, Montana – Just last Tuesday, Todd Johansen, loan manager of the local Bank of America, came home to find his wife, Karen, sitting deliberately at the kitchen table. “He’d called my cell during lunch and said it would be…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Entertainment Environment Music Science & Technologizzy Society Strange People Television

31% Chance that Miley Cyrus Will Develop Frostbite During New Year’s Performance

New York, NY – Pop icon and cultural wrecking ball Miley Cyrus is scheduled to headline the festivities in Times Square, performing just before the ball drops to start the New Year. According to forecasters, the weather at midnight should…

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Posted in Human Interest Society Top Stories

Local Parents Counting the Seconds Until Holidays End

Worchester, MA – The Henderson parents have had it. “I never thought I’d say it, but it was easier when they were all in high school,” Richard, 49 year-old father and certified accountant, said. His wife Tabatha agreed, and admitted…

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Posted in Music

An Interview With Philip Glass During the Apocalypse

New York – In the refined New York home of Philip Glass, the great American minimalist pianist, we discussed the finer points of symphonic and chamber music over cheese and 10-year old Merlot wine. Q: When you first began playing…

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Posted in Politics

Local Woman Orders at Deli, Is Reminded of Election

Worchester, MA – Esther Urville, manager at Norbert’s Garden Shop, too frazzled to brown bag her lunch this morning, ran to the local deli on her lunch hour. While placing her order, she was reminded, to her chagrin, of the…

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Posted in Politics

Kentucky Democrat Votes for Right to Complain

Newport, KY – Local liberal Michael Benton walked to the middle school gymnasium, and was greeted with laughter and an occasional jeer. He greeted his Republican friends, gave his ID to the snickering old ladies behind the folding table, and…

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Posted in Politics

Americans Flock to Polls Desperate to End Election Season

GlossyNews.com – Exit polls show that while voters split about 50-50 on which candidate they preferr for president, 99.3% agreed that they also voted just to bring an end to the election season. “Oh, totally,” Miranda Kelly said, “One more…

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Posted in Environment Religionism

Candidates Politicize God’s Subtle Climate Change “Reminder”

GlossyNews.com – “Look, I tried,” God grumbled, “Picked the most populated part of the country, some of the most contentious states in the election and altered both of their campaign routes, but did they listen? Noooo.” In a last, desperate…

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Posted in Politics

Local Man Doesn’t Know Candidates, Votes Anyway

GlossyNews.com – Dayton, OH – Bill Jameon, local accountant and political apathetic, cast his vote today without knowing who the candidates were or what they stood for. “I really just went by the sounds of their names,” Jameon admitted with…

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Posted in Politics

Election Analysts Admit It’s Just Pin the Tail on the Donkey

GlossyNews.com – Washington D.C. – Today, insiders and employees at CNN News Headquarters revealed what’s really behind the incessant coverage that will make chronic channel surfers cry this Tuesday. And it’s not about democracy or nipple slips. “Basically, we have…

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Posted in Crime

Gun Enthusiasts Enthusiastic Following Theater Shooting

I recently had the great fortune to talk to Guy Fortescue, head of the NRA chapter in Lexington, Kentucky, about the Second Amendment and what he’d previously described to me as the “integral American liberty to carry guns.” What follows…

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Posted in Crime Society

6 Batmen Dead in Aurora, Colo. Shooting, 2 Jokers, 1 Bane & 1 Catwoman

“How am I supposed to tell my kids?” Ralph Gorman wondered as he watched stretchers bearing dead superheroes out of the movie theater. “It’s like Santa just fell off his sleigh into the Pacific.” A lone gunman opened fire with…

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Posted in Crime Society

World Stops to Mourn Victims of Theater Shooting

“It was weird,” Hector Santiago, a thug for a Mexican drug cartel, said through a translator, “I could tell something just happened – something more important – because suddenly I knew I couldn’t kill this police officer; it would make…

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Posted in Sports

Manning Joins Broncos, Tebow Converts to Paganism

DENVER, Colorado – “There is more than one God,” Tim Tebow said in awe after watching Peyton Manning complete yet another pass in practice. “There’s just no other explanation.” The Broncos’ ex-quarterback, known less for his passing skills than for…

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