Greetings dear Readers!
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Due to the advice of what later turned out to be a con artist, this article was not reviewed for publication prior to the end of days deadline. We had been assured that the world was ending, and as such we ceased editorial efforts and all got hooked on heroine instead.
As a result, this article is coming out late, my skin itches and I think I need to take that thin film of skin off my eye. I haven’t decided yet.]
As we all know the legendary 21st of December is almost upon us which means that according to the Mayan Calendar tomorrow we are all going to croak in horrible ways.
On behalf of myself and the rest of the Glossy News staff I just wanted to take this time to say thanks to all our readers and that it has been a fun ride. You have been a swell audience and we have certainly had some fun laughs together.
It is really too bad that we all have to be incinerated together this close to Christmas, especially since most of us bought all our presents together. Of course, the last laugh is on the stores because our payments aren’t until January! (LOL!)
So, I just hope that everyone like me has gotten all of their affairs tidied up and have planned for a relaxing last night of bowling or watching Big Bang Theory on the tube or getting so hammered out of your mind that you couldn’t tell if the walls are caving in on you anyway.
Either way, make a nice night of it and you might as well make a pig of yourself because all that food is going to go to waste anyway. You might want to consider taking a couple extra sleeping pills before bed just in case the apocalypse comes early because you sure as hell don’t want to wake up in the middle of it. They will also save you from being up the whole night worrying about it. Might as well get that last well deserved rest you’ve been wanting for so long.
Anyway, I was going to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, but those are really irrelevant at his point. I guess the best I can wish for at this point is that it happens before noon because I’m sure none of us want to go to the extra expense of having to go out for lunch with no food left in the house and some of you sure don’t want that big hangover to be the last thing you get out of this life.
So, toodle-loo and goodbye ( a really BIG goodbye, in fact, as goodby as you can ever get).