Month: April 2018
No Sleaze Please, We’re British! Tortured Hollywood Supremo’s Wrongful Sex Arrest in Red Light London!
[Ed: If ever a Hollywood sleaze story deserved a share, it’s this one! Absolutely unbelievable! Hold on to yer… whatever]. In a move that will shock many fans and devotees of the IHIC (Inspirational Hollywood Intellectual Community), stellar film producer…
Why Do People Keep Breaking the Internet, and How Can We Get Them to Stop?
You would think that something could be broken only so many times, but apparently when it comes to the Internet, the laws of (meta)physics make an exception. Every few days.
RSPCA Beg for Front-Line Assistance! Marxist ‘Pug-Puncher’ Craze Sweeps Thru Scotland
“They may take yer pugs, but they will never take yer freedom!” has long been a sacred staple of Scottish patriotism; alongside deep-fried pizza, Special Bru and losing every major sporting tournament going!
Young Walmart Folk Discouraged About Making Ends-Meat (!), Learn New Recipe
Having worked at a dime over minimum wage, Maria Jones appreciates the part-time wages from Walmart. She’s struggled, but a new, FREE recipe handed down from the notoriously progressive management has solved almost all her problems.
How I Flew to Amsterdam for Free (& You Can Too!)
I love to travel, but who doesn’t? I got an offer too good to be true, so I Googled it… and then I accepted it. I got a free trip to Amsterdam out of it.
Another Confidential Leak from the CIA Hymnbook (X): “And Can it Be?”
The renowned hymn writer Charles Wesley was the brother of the famous evangelist John Wesley. However, the mighty values and spirit that drove these men is not to be found among today’s establishment. Here is another confidential leak from the…
“We All Must Suffer for Our Art!” Grandiose Scottish Poet Nails Ear to Tree, Wins Universal Acclaim
A Scottish poet (apparently not, however, a Dutch one!) had to be rescued by the renowned Edinburgh Fire Brigade after nailing his own ear to a tree. Stan ‘the word’ Smith 36, revealed the source of inspiration that had prompted…
Is There an Epidemic of Sexual Harassment By Psychiatrists? Read on to Get the Juicy Details!
So I went to the psychiatrist the other day and he said ‘Wallace, young man! You have to get off the heroin!’ ‘Why,’ I asked. ‘Will it really make me go blind?’
Last Remaining Author Paid by Parakeet
Dateline: Cubicle District 64, Year 2028—Mystifying tens of millions of authors, Horatio Masterson is the only remaining writer who is still somehow being paid for his work, and in this exclusive report, we reveal the secret of his success.
Appalachian Road Trip – THE SEQUEL!!!
NOTE FROM WALLACE: The Rover returns! Long-serving, long-suffering Glossy News humorist rfreed recently went on a road trip in the Appalachian mountains, and posted some memes about it.