Posted in Making Headlines Television

God Condemns Conservative Bullies for Opining on Comedy

Dateline: D.C.—Conservatives condemned Michelle Wolf’s comedic speech at the 2018 White House Press correspondents’ dinner, until God reminded them they have no sense of humour because they’re bullies.

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Posted in Crime Top Stories

WHAT?! Putin Accuses UK Gov Of Satirical, Russian Double Agent Murder In Moscow

The Kremlin has angrily accused the British Government of assassinating an ex-MI6 double agent, resident in Moscow. Alexei Smithski was crushed to death last week when a large, trapezoidal, cast iron weight, labelled ‘10 Tons’ fell on his head. Moscow…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

If you Don’t Laugh, You’ll Cry! Chase the Demons Away with these Great Books from Our AMAZING Satire Team!

Glossy News has plenty of great satirists! And many of them have written books; hence the handy guide below. (Keep reading!) The following is not, of course, an exhaustive list of the books by our various funny people. However, we…

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Posted in Education Society

Unbelievable! Definitive “Thirteen Rules For Debate” Laid to Waste by Pompous Ivory Tower Intellectual!

Renowned Prigley Uni token cameo shitlecturer Rick Aston Judas Khomeini-Butcher has recently provided a suitably vicious list of rules, for debating SJWs, neocons, idiotic Marxist intellectuals and religious fanatics. But surprisingly enough, some are not so impressed.

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Sports Scandals

Can Fish & Man Live in Peace?! George Bush Caught Up in Appalling Swimming Costume Drama…

In a comical oversight, Ex-President of the United States George Bush forgot to take his swimming costume with him at Washington’s renowned Sports & Leisure Village.

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Posted in Politics

CNN Replaces Serious Commentary on Trump’s Presidency, with Constant Laughter

Dateline: ATLANTA—CNN has dramatically altered its strategy in covering the Donald Trump White House, having first milked Mr. Trump’s scandals for ratings in the 2016 campaign and then attempted to provide serious, fact-based analysis of the first two years of…

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Posted in Biz News Health

Ghosts or Sleep Paralysis?

You know how everything seems scariest in the middle of the night? How many times have you woken, terrified that there is someone or something in your bedroom or in your house? Perhaps you feel frozen in fear, seemingly unable…

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Posted in Biz News Gadgets & Gizmos

Renowned Meat-Loving Michelin Star Chef Gordon Ramsay Goes Vegan

It was recently reported that famous chef, meat advocate and anti-vegan campaigner Gordon Ramsay is about to, “give this vegan thing a try.”

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Posted in Biz News Gadgets & Gizmos

The Life Changing Choice Of Picking Your Next Smart Phone… Or Is It?

Smartphones are no longer a convenience for making the occasional call, or to be used in case of an emergency.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Top Stories

CIA Warn Freedom-Loving American Public of ‘Sinister, Orwellian Observation of Our Activities’

In case you’ve been living under a rock (or else a hefty-sized boulder in Arizona), Americans have been sounding the alarm about freedom, liberty and democracy for quite some time! From Thomas Sowell to Amy Goodman, from Glenn Greenwald to…

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Posted in Talky Pictures World News

No Sleaze Please, We’re British! Tortured Hollywood Supremo’s Wrongful Sex Arrest in Red Light London!

[Ed: If ever a Hollywood sleaze story deserved a share, it’s this one! Absolutely unbelievable! Hold on to yer… whatever]. In a move that will shock many fans and devotees of the IHIC (Inspirational Hollywood Intellectual Community), stellar film producer…

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Posted in Biz News Internets Tubes Technology

Why Do People Keep Breaking the Internet, and How Can We Get Them to Stop?

You would think that something could be broken only so many times, but apparently when it comes to the Internet, the laws of (meta)physics make an exception. Every few days.

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Posted in Top Stories World News

RSPCA Beg for Front-Line Assistance! Marxist ‘Pug-Puncher’ Craze Sweeps Thru Scotland

“They may take yer pugs, but they will never take yer freedom!” has long been a sacred staple of Scottish patriotism; alongside deep-fried pizza, Special Bru and losing every major sporting tournament going!

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Posted in Biz News Health Technology

Young Walmart Folk Discouraged About Making Ends-Meat (!), Learn New Recipe

Having worked at a dime over minimum wage, Maria Jones appreciates the part-time wages from Walmart. She’s struggled, but a new, FREE recipe handed down from the notoriously progressive management has solved almost all her problems.

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Posted in Kidz Zone Travel

How I Flew to Amsterdam for Free (& You Can Too!)

I love to travel, but who doesn’t? I got an offer too good to be true, so I Googled it… and then I accepted it. I got a free trip to Amsterdam out of it.

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Posted in Music Religionism

Another Confidential Leak from the CIA Hymnbook (X): “And Can it Be?”

The renowned hymn writer Charles Wesley was the brother of the famous evangelist John Wesley. However, the mighty values and spirit that drove these men is not to be found among today’s establishment. Here is another confidential leak from the…

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Posted in Entertainment World News

“We All Must Suffer for Our Art!” Grandiose Scottish Poet Nails Ear to Tree, Wins Universal Acclaim

A Scottish poet (apparently not, however, a Dutch one!) had to be rescued by the renowned Edinburgh Fire Brigade after nailing his own ear to a tree. Stan ‘the word’ Smith 36, revealed the source of inspiration that had prompted…

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Posted in Health Society

Is There an Epidemic of Sexual Harassment By Psychiatrists? Read on to Get the Juicy Details!

So I went to the psychiatrist the other day and he said ‘Wallace, young man! You have to get off the heroin!’ ‘Why,’ I asked. ‘Will it really make me go blind?’

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Posted in Human Interest Technology

Last Remaining Author Paid by Parakeet

Dateline: Cubicle District 64, Year 2028—Mystifying tens of millions of authors, Horatio Masterson is the only remaining writer who is still somehow being paid for his work, and in this exclusive report, we reveal the secret of his success.

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Posted in Top Stories

Appalachian Road Trip – THE SEQUEL!!!

NOTE FROM WALLACE: The Rover returns! Long-serving, long-suffering Glossy News humorist rfreed recently went on a road trip in the Appalachian mountains, and posted some memes about it.

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