“We All Must Suffer for Our Art!” Grandiose Scottish Poet Nails Ear to Tree, Wins Universal Acclaim

“We All Must Suffer for Our Art!” Grandiose Scottish Poet Nails Ear to Tree, Wins Universal Acclaim

A Scottish poet (apparently not, however, a Dutch one!) had to be rescued by the renowned Edinburgh Fire Brigade after nailing his own ear to a tree. Stan ‘the word’ Smith 36, revealed the source of inspiration that had prompted him to do it. Continue Reading

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London Man Dines with Cheese on his Face in Reality TV Show

London Man Dines with Cheese on his Face in Reality TV Show

A London man has appeared in the Reality TV dinner dating show ‘Love Luncheon’ with cheese on his face.

Reality TV star Ted Stilton told Glossy News: Continue Reading

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London Poet Rescued from Buffalo at Dublin Hotel

London Poet Rescued from Buffalo at Dublin Hotel

Iconic London poet Charles Brady had to be rescued from the inside of a buffalo this week, at Dublin’s Raven Hotel in Ireland. Brady told Glossy News: Continue Reading

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Film Critic Fired at London Cinema

Film Critic Fired at London Cinema

Edinburgh based film critic Mary Watkins has been arrested for shooting dead sixty four cinema goers at an Ealing cinema.

One witness commented:

It all started with her open disapproval of the opening credit names in the introduction to the movie. Continue Reading

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Unbelievable! New Fines Introduced For Silly “Cooking & Driving” Offence… What’s Going On!

Unbelievable! New Fines Introduced For Silly “Cooking & Driving” Offence… What’s Going On!

Drivers caught cooking whilst driving are to face tough penalties, the government says. Under new rules expected to come in next year, drivers will receive six points on their license and a £120 fine. Continue Reading

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Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown Wins Poet Laureate Award

Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown Wins Poet Laureate Award

Stand up comedian Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown has won the Poet Laureate award for 2018. The controversial blue comic won the coveted prize after one of the competition’s judges discovered one of his poems written on a public toilet wall in Middlesbrough.

Brown said: Continue Reading

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Toilet Roll to be Next James Bond

Toilet Roll to be Next James Bond

It’s been officially announced this week! The new James Bond is to be played by a toilet roll, in the new James Bond movie:

“Firing Bullets from out of a gun.”

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Jeremy Hunt Warns the Public of… “Cough Your Asshole Out Craze!”

Jeremy Hunt Warns the Public of… “Cough Your Asshole Out Craze!”

UK secretary of state for health Jeremy Hunt has warned the public of the latest social media craze…

‘Cough your asshole out! Continue Reading

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ANYONE FOR TEA?! (A Poem From My Days as an Office Tea Boy)

ANYONE FOR TEA?! (A Poem From My Days as an Office Tea Boy)

Simon needs a herbal, or he’ll get in a strop,

Lucy wants the cream in, or moan that it’s a flop. Continue Reading

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‘I Was A Professional Racing Driver in my Youth!’ Claims Donald Trump

‘I Was A Professional Racing Driver in my Youth!’ Claims Donald Trump

There are concerns for Donald Trump’s mental stability in the wake of his most recent interview with Sky News. The US president told the interviewer: Continue Reading

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David Attenborough in Furious Rant at British Wildlife Awards

David Attenborough in Furious Rant at British Wildlife Awards

Sir David Attenborough, veteran English broadcaster and naturalist has caused a stir at The British Wildlife T.V. Awards in London.

Uncharacteristically, the ‘Life On Earth’ presenter self-indulged in an indignant monologue…

As he accepted the coveted prize for ‘Best Goldfish Footage Voice-Over Award.’

Award host Rick Earle told the BBC: Continue Reading

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Donald Trump Tells Press: I’m Not the Mad One!

Donald Trump Tells Press: I’m Not the Mad One!

At a press conference in Washington, US president Donald Trump has spoken about the media’s smear campaign that has labelled him as ‘a madman.’ Trump said:

I’m not the mad one folks, it’s fake news. Continue Reading

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Tony Blair to Form ‘No Bullshit Party’

Tony Blair to Form ‘No Bullshit Party’

Ex-UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is to form a new political party, named ‘The No Bullshit Party.’ Speaking at a BBC news conference, Blair said: Continue Reading

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Elton John in Upside-Down ‘Aeroplane Incident’

Elton John in Upside-Down ‘Aeroplane Incident’

British rock star Elton John discovered the aeroplane he was due to fly on was in an upside-down position on the runway at Heathrow Airport London. The iconic rock ‘n’ roll veteran said: Continue Reading

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Kim Jong-Un Uses Passing Train to Face-Shave

Kim Jong-Un Uses Passing Train to Face-Shave

North Korea leader Kim Jong-Un has released a propaganda film of himself using a passing high speed train to shave his face. In a government campaign that hopes to encourage Korean citizens to reduce their razor purchases, Jong-Un has advised all his country’s face shavers to donate their razor expenditure to the nuclear programme instead Continue Reading

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Jeremy Clarkson In Street Brawl Over Car Built From Frozen Celebrity Piss

Jeremy Clarkson In Street Brawl Over Car Built From Frozen Celebrity Piss

Broadcaster and motoring specialist Jeremy Clarkson has been involved in a street brawl, concerning a motor vehicle made from frozen celebrity piss.

Clarkson stars in a new scheduled motoring programme to be aired on Channel Four called ‘What Can We Make A Car Out Of?’ He had the car specially built for the new series. Continue Reading

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Shocking Disclosure on the Death of the King: Elvis Ate Himself!

Shocking Disclosure on the Death of the King: Elvis Ate Himself!

Rock ‘n’ roll legend Elvis Presley ate himself, according to an astonishing revelation from his sometime house cleaner.

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Donald Trump Bursts

Donald Trump Bursts

U.S. president Donald Trump has sensationally burst during a Washington press conference. Continue Reading

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