Month: January 2015
Did I Bake That? Jaleel White Reprises Role in Upcoming Sequel
Burbank, California – The Olive Garden is rising from the grave in the newest sitcom premiering in March on Fox from Executive Producer, Tyler Perry. The new show, Family Platters, is a sequel to the 90s hit, Family Matters, that…
Mitt Romney Admits He’s a ‘Douche-bag’
Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney dropped out of the Presidential race yesterday stating that he was not qualified for the job. “I’m a douche-bag”, Romney. “I don’t know what’s going on with the American people. You don’t want a loser…
Statistics Show 85% of Men Would Rather Play Mobile Games than Go Out with In-laws
A recent study conducted by South Central Louisiana State University has found that the vast majority of men would rather play games on their mobile phone devices than spend quality time with their in-laws. The shocking findings released this week…
Zombie Apocalypse lasts for 3 minutes
Washington, D.C.- Following an alarming number of calls to the CDC, FBI, and NSA, security analyst have concluded that the zombie apocalypse came and went without any causalities and $0 in property damage. Current Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, spoke…
Fact-Checking Sarah Palin’s Incomprehensible Speech
Sarah Palin was invited to spew a lahar of molten cuckoo at the Iowa Freedom Summit, proudly sponsored by Citizens United. She did not fail to fail to impress. I took it upon myself to fact-check her statements, and there…
2014’s Biggest Douchebag of the Year — Dan Bilzerian
Douchebags. Everyone gets their fair of share of douchebags in life, from the fleeting obnoxious ones that drive past you in their pimped out Ford Fiestas in a flurry of LEDs and screeching tyres, to the annoying ones who just…
Repentant Paisley’s Heterophobic Hate Campaign
Disclaimer: Earlier version published on TheSpoof.com. I’ve now come round to a more enlightened view of the sensitive matters in question ;) Given the passing some months ago of Lord Bannside, it’s only fair that I inform you about one…
Life…
Life- An annoying thing that happens when you wake up in the morning. Life- The commitment you don’t remember having agreed to. Life- 16 hours you have to live through before you can go back to bed again. Life- A…
A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (2/2)
Previously, as a non-Muslim, I raised the question of the distinction between a living letter and prophet, and a dead letter and prophet. And I’m not so much attempting to intrude from the outside of Islam, to set a “program”…
A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (1/2)
Disclaimer: This is less “humorous” than my usual work (apart from some cheeky memes!), but is not intended as “po-faced” or “solemn.” I’m not suggesting a program or plan for Muslims or non-Muslims, satirists or non-satirists. I’m mainly trying to…
Scott Stapp Forced to Sell Beloved Olive Garden Memorabilia
Orlando, Florida – Following a costly divorce, ongoing drug addiction and malicious hacker attacks to his bank accounts, Creed’s lead singer, Scott Stapp, who was once worth as much as 30 million dollars, is now flat broke and homeless. Stapp’s…
Fan Donations to the NFL on the Rise
NEW YORK – Many American football fans may not realize that the National Football League (NFL) is not a corporation, but a tax-exempt organization. Recently some real die-hard fans have been donating money to their beloved NFL, even though their…
You Too Can Look Like a Real Hotshot – Just Follow These 5 Easy Steps
Whether you’ve been invited to speak at an upcoming conference, gotten the green light from a hard-to-reach publisher, or secured a coveted spot on your company’s “About Us” page, the professional bio will be a critical component of how you…
One Direction Alters Name in Honor of Extinct Restaurant Chain
New York City – “Olive Garden you light up my tummy like nobody else, The way your breadsticks are buttered gets me overwhelmed, When I’m docile and out of pounds it ain’t hard to tell, You don’t go, Oh, oh,…
UK: No, Not All Anti-Fascists Are Equal
Unparliamentary Fanaticism The tragic fact is that in the United Kingdom, as in many other countries, there is a fascist presence. However, fascist parties are fringe organizations; not least in terms of their electoral power. Yes… over here, it is…
Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test
When MLB teams acquire new players they expect their very best and this MLB offseason has featured an almost overwhelming amount of moves as teams try to upgrade their rosters and shift their focus in a new direction. Since Ichiro…
Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream
On January 19th, this nation will celebrate Martin Luther King Day. The iconic civil rights leader would have been 86 this year. On a swelteringly hot day in August 1963, Reverend King delivered one of the greatest oratories in American…
Super Best Technological Advancement in Making of Online Website
It was only after the internet came into light as a big roar that online websites started to grow like mushrooms after rain. Previously used by academia since the 1980s, it was only by the 1990s that the commercialization of…
“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC
Seattle, WA-Local employees were abuzz yesterday when something unexpected happened. A good looking guy sporting a smooth beard and one of those cool knit Beanie hats strolled in to order some extra crispy. “This doesn’t happen here, it just doesn’t,”…
Busted: GlossyNews.com Faked Charlie Hebdo-Style Attack to Cash In on Expanded Readership
“Absolutely despicable!” stated loyal Glossy fan Jason Nimknuts when he found out about it. “I knew they could be low, but I would never have imagined them stooping to this! Dumb bastards!” After seeing the famed French satire magazine Charlie…
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