Hey White People! These are Things Y’All Need To Do Better (Another Eva Luxemburg Wokepost, Part 2)

History

History? Y’all are so busy trying to work out the ‘facts,’ that you got no time to work out the truth. Priorities, white people! Funny how, when people search for facts, you always end up getting partisan bullshit; while when I search for the truth, I always get the truth? Ever wonder why? Well, ain’t postmodernism just awesome! Read more Hey White People! These are Things Y’All Need To Do Better (Another Eva Luxemburg Wokepost, Part 2)

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Hey White People! These are Things Y’All Need To Do Better (Another Eva Luxemburg Wokepost, Part 1)

Well hi there, people of white extraction! Have you had a good condescending, uninformed ‘splain to some poor schmuck on Medium right now?

Well, it’s about time y’all shut up, and started listening to me instead. Now, I know you have whitewashed our language here in Amuuuuuhrika, and you keep saying that we somehow ‘owe you’ these white discursive norms and white epistemological constructs like as objectivity, dispassion, evidence, logical rigor. Read more Hey White People! These are Things Y’All Need To Do Better (Another Eva Luxemburg Wokepost, Part 1)

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Centrist ‘Tolerance’ Has its Limitations… ?! Surely Not!

The first time a sentry sees a barbarian marauding towards him with fangs bared, he shoots him dead on sight.

At your first glance of a bad faith interlocutor, you should act likewise; but with the arms of the spirit, and not the flesh.

So here’s a good example: Read more Centrist ‘Tolerance’ Has its Limitations… ?! Surely Not!

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But I’m Oppressed! (SPOILER: No You’re Not!) (4/4)

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Cultural appropriation is when a dominant and imperialistic culture steals the culture of another culture or sub-culture, without acknowledging it.

Y’know, like the Quran ‘helpfully borrowing’ stories from Jews and Christians. Read more But I’m Oppressed! (SPOILER: No You’re Not!) (4/4)

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My Open Letter to the Guy Crossing the Street Against Traffic Without Looking up

Dear person who never looks up while crossing the street, no matter how much traffic there is,

Hey, how’s it going? I hope I didn’t interrupt you from anything important. Please, by all means, go ahead and finish texting LOL to your friend Brad. Don’t forget the smiley face emoticon. Your text is far more important than anything I have to discuss with you. I’ll wait……… Done yet? Super.

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself. You see, I’m the guy whose car almost creamed you earlier today when you walked into traffic against the light and never once looked up. I doubt you remember me.

I can imagine it must have been hard to hear my horn blaring or my brakes screeching to avoid hitting you, what with that AC / DC song playing on your iPod at 175 decibels. I could hear them rocking away from inside my car with my windows up. I have to say, excellent choice in music, dude. Can’t go wrong with Highway to Hell – a classic.

You know, when I was young, I was taught that the center of the solar system was the sun. I now realize that my teacher lied to me – because clearly the solar system revolves around an eight-inch space between those earbuds of yours.

Okay, so technically I may have had the “legal” right of way over you, seeing as the light was green for me, and you had that annoying, flashing DON’T WALK sign that you probably missed since it didn’t flash on your cell phone. But hey, who has time to read street signs when they’re busy checking out their Facebook page, am I right?

Anyhoo, what I was trying to say is I apologize. I’m deeply sorry if my car’s front bumper photobombed the Selfie you were taking. Given that my windshield was merely four feet away from your rib cage when our paths crossed, I fear I may have ruined your Snapchat moment.

I must confess, I envy you just a little. You looked so at peace – so completely unbothered by the gridlock you created for all those cars behind me trying in vain to make it through the intersection. I am in awe of your composure in the face of a long line of irate drivers who would have happily made you into a hood ornament.

A lesser person would have been intimidated at the thought of 4,000 pounds of steel bearing down on them at the speed of a hungry cheetah. But not you. You were so courageous, completely undaunted. Even the screams of the maddening crowd didn’t shake your certitude that the urban seas would part to make way for your triumphant, regal crossing. Way to make an entrance, King Cell Phone Dude.

And I simply must applaud your amazing ability to keep your eyes focused downward during your entire crossing. As I was trying in vain to get your attention, your eyes never once wandered from your cell phone screen during your entire 36-foot journey from curb to curb. I doubt a nuclear explosion could have diverted your concentration away from whatever YouTube roomba cat video you were locked in on.

Ya’ know, sometimes I find myself having to stop what I’m doing and pay attention to other people around me who insist that I observe basic courtesies of a modern society. You don’t suffer from that affliction. Not one bit. It must be nice not to have to worry about anything outside of a two-foot radius of your thumbs. What’s important to me is that you were able to saunter across the street at your own leisurely pace, without having to worry about anyone else on this planet. I am in awe of you.

I hope our paths cross again sometime. Perhaps we’ll meet on an airplane. I’ll be the guy right behind you in line waiting for fifteen minutes while you attempt to squeeze a suitcase the size of a refrigerator into the overhead compartment.

But if I know you – and I’m pretty sure I do – you won’t notice me then either. And that’s okay. Because no matter how long you make me wait for you to place your special order at the drive thru or ask the bank teller to convert your collection of 2,578 pennies into dollar bills, it’s okay. Take your time. Please don’t hurry on my account. All that matters to me – and the other 25 people in line behind you – is that you focus on the needs of Numero Uno, buddy. Act like we’re not even here. That should be easy for you to do.

On behalf of all the people in this world who are forced to wait on the outside of whatever impenetrable magic bubble you live in, I just want to say, thank you for reminding all of us that your time is more valuable than ours.

Warmest regards,

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My Plan to Stop Racist Bigots (A Modest Proposal)

I’m going to tolerate respectable MIC racism for decades and shout down anyone who starts imagining things and calling me a bigot.

Then when my racism starts turning into genuinely indecent racism, I am going to let these ignorant right-wing bigots they have REALLY crossed a line. Read more My Plan to Stop Racist Bigots (A Modest Proposal)

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Ireland: Reproductive Agency is One Thing, Intrusive Meddling is Another

Some may feel yesterday’s piece on Amnesty International, abortion, and Ireland is flippant. I can certainly see why people might think that; but I am 100% unapologetic. However, I will now speak in a less polemical and satirical manner, and weaponize a more prosaic tone against Big Human Rights.

It might seem churlish to sneer at the ‘humanitarian interventionism’ Amnesty International is perpetrating against Irish people of all identities. ‘After all,’ some might say, ‘Isn’t your postcolonial angle a minor distraction from the most important thing, which is the rights of women, and the necessity to reform the laws in a direction that respects women’s bodily autonomy and right to reproductive agency?’ Read more Ireland: Reproductive Agency is One Thing, Intrusive Meddling is Another

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Opinion: Ted Cruz is right. Why We Should Turn Away Refugees

In the wake of the deadly Isis terrorist attacks on Paris which killed 129 people and wounded hundreds more, the issue of whether or not to continue taking in refugees has divided us here in the United States of America, home of the free, land of the brave.

On Fox News, Senator and Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz said, “President Obama and Hillary Clinton’s idea that we should bring tens of thousands of Syrian Muslim refugees to America—it is nothing less than lunacy. On the other hand Christians who are being targeted for genocide, for persecution, Christians who are being beheaded or crucified, we should be providing safe haven to them. But President Obama refuses to do that.”

Bravo to Senator Cruz for taking such a brave and unpopular stance on such a volatile issue! Read more Opinion: Ted Cruz is right. Why We Should Turn Away Refugees

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The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

It’s time patriotic, flag-waving Americans stand up for our God-given right to oppose any minority group that makes us feel slightly uncomfortable.

The time is now to raise arms – and legs – against the moral decay of this once great land. Join me in opposing the misguided policy of marriage equality for left-handed people. Read more The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

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