Posted in Health Science

U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet

WASHINGTON – In a move described as “accepting reality” the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has declared plastic to be “a major food group.” US FDA spokesperson Carl Manson stated: “We admit that trace amounts of plastic leak into…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet
Posted in Politics War Zone

Trump Should Attack Russia to Take Heat off RussiaGate Scandal, Experts Say

WASHINGTON – Politicians and media pundits from both political perspectives have called on President Trump to attack Russia as soon as possible to prove once and for all that he is not colluding with Russia. “The only way for Trump…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Trump Should Attack Russia to Take Heat off RussiaGate Scandal, Experts Say
Posted in Politics

Leftists Look Forward to “Constructive Dialogue with Idiotic Trump Supporters”

WASHINGTON – “Trump is Putin’s bitch,” read several signs in the crowd. A liberal umbrella group called the Coalition for an Integrated America (CIA) held a rally yesterday in Lafayette Square near the White House, protesting Donald Trump’s existence, and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Leftists Look Forward to “Constructive Dialogue with Idiotic Trump Supporters”
Posted in Top Stories

Trump Shocker: “Won’t Sign on for Second Season Playing the President”

President Donald Trump announced today that he would not “sign on for a second season playing the President.” Trump admitted that the role of U.S. President was more challenging than he had ever imagined, and his previous acting experience had…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Trump Shocker: “Won’t Sign on for Second Season Playing the President”
Posted in Top Stories

CNN to Issue Trigger Warnings before Trump Appearances

NEW YORK – CNN today announced its new policy of issuing trigger warnings before showing the face of President Donald Trump to viewing audiences. FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! My Spirited Defense of Donald Trump CNN…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! CNN to Issue Trigger Warnings before Trump Appearances
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Politics World News

U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News

WASHINGTON – In response to the growing epidemic of “fake news,” President Obama today announced the creation of a new department of the federal government, the Ministry of Truth. FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! Obama WILL…

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Posted in Politics World News

Germany Prepares to Prosecute Millions for Insulting Donald Trump in 2017

BERLIN – Germany’s law against insulting the leaders of foreign governments will be put to the ultimate test when billionaire Twitter personality Donald Trump is sworn in as President of the United States in January 2017. Insulting President-Elect Donald Trump…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Germany Prepares to Prosecute Millions for Insulting Donald Trump in 2017
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos Kidz Zone Politics

Pokemon-Go Craze Puts U.S. Elections in Doubt

NEW YORK – The incredibly addictive Pokemon-Go app, which has sent countless millions of people out into the world to stare at their cell phones more than ever, has now put the U.S. Presidential elections in doubt. Current CNN polls…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pokemon-Go Craze Puts U.S. Elections in Doubt
Posted in Politics Top Stories

America Still Greatest Democracy in the World – CNN Poll

ATLANTA – A recent CNN poll of American citizens found that a solid majority (92%) believes that “the United States of America is still the greatest democracy in the world.” Most poll respondents were clearly favorable toward American democracy. Their…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! America Still Greatest Democracy in the World – CNN Poll
Posted in Music Politics Top Stories

Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

AMSTERDAM – According to secret terms of the TTIP treaty, recently leaked by Greenpeace Netherlands, the U.S. must finally be allowed to enter the Eurovision Song Contest. “Excluding the U.S. from the Eurovision Song Contest is a clear violation of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest
Posted in Biz News Politics War Zone

US: ISIS Must Sign TTIP “Or Else…”

WASHINGTON – U.S. State Department spokesman Milo Minderbinder announced today that ISIS must sign the TTIP [Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership] treaty by year’s end “or else we will retaliate with extreme prejudice. All options are on the table!” “Terrorist…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! US: ISIS Must Sign TTIP “Or Else…”
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Religionism

Catholic Congressman Steals Pope’s Water Glass

WASHINGTON – Congressman James Bath took advantage of his proximity to Pope Francis during his address to Congress to steal the Pope’s water glass and gulp some of the sacred Washington, DC tap water. Luckily when the Pope’s throat went…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Catholic Congressman Steals Pope’s Water Glass
Posted in Biz News Politics

Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High

WASHINGTON – Faith that the Federal Reserve Bank will finally raise interest rates, after years of broken promises, is now at an all-time high. “The Fed is really going to raise rates after our next meeting,” said Norman Bates, Chair…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High
Posted in Biz News Politics

The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”

WASHINGTON – Global leaders negotiating the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) affirmed the necessity of secret negotiations for the massive trade and “global governance” deal. “The TPP is for your own good. Trust us,” stated senior negotiator Mickey Cantwell. “Only highly-paid lobbyists…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”
Posted in Human Interest Science

Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin

NEW YORK – Guido da Vinci had always wondered how there could so much extra virgin olive oil in supermarkets across the world. “I mean wherever I went in the world, I could find extra virgin olive oil. A lot…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin
Posted in Entertainment Sports Events

Fan Donations to the NFL on the Rise

NEW YORK – Many American football fans may not realize that the National Football League (NFL) is not a corporation, but a tax-exempt organization. Recently some real die-hard fans have been donating money to their beloved NFL, even though their…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fan Donations to the NFL on the Rise
Posted in War Zone World News

ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

WASHINGTON – The Pentagon announced today that the Islamic State (ISIS) has blown up two American battleships, the Maine and the Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin. Brigadier General Lance Boyle stated: “ISIS was very foolhardy in using weapons of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin
Posted in Politics Religionism

A Psalm for the Tea Party

1) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want–to talk to liberals. 2) He maketh me lie down in untaxed green pastures: he leadeth me to the clear waters of pro-Gun states where I can shoot deer or thieves…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! A Psalm for the Tea Party
Posted in Politics

Conservatives and Liberals Still Trying to Convert Each Other

WASHINGTON – A new poll of 1,000 American adults reveals that both conservatives and liberals believe it is possible to “convert” other people to change their political orientation. The recent Gallmausen poll found that more than 63% of Americans believe…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Conservatives and Liberals Still Trying to Convert Each Other
Posted in Biz News War Zone

Top Economists Sagely Call for Wholly Unfundable War

WASHINGTON – Several leading economists have recently called for war as the best means to solve the world’s six-year old economic crisis. Nobel-nominated economist Karl Strauss of the University of Chicago stated: “War is the time-honored cure for economic stagnation.”…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Top Economists Sagely Call for Wholly Unfundable War
Posted in Politics Technology

“Drones May Not Attack Banks” says new U.S. Drone Czar

WASHINGTON – The newly appointed US Drone Czar announced today that attack drones operating on US soil may not attack US banks without prior approval of the Federal Reserve Bank. “Let me be clear,” stated General Quentin Easing, the new…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “Drones May Not Attack Banks” says new U.S. Drone Czar
Posted in Entertainment Sports Events

Billions Happy During World Cup

RIO DE JANEIRO – Billions of football fans across the world are incredibly happy about the month-long distraction from serious news during the World Cup tournament. “The fact that Russia might start invading Ukraine any minute now is simply not…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Billions Happy During World Cup
Posted in Politics

Support the Troops: US Troops to Be Quartered in Private Homes

WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration announced today its new policy of quartering US troops and domestic security agents in private residences “for the safety of the people in these dangerous times.” Known as “Support the Troops,” President Obama himself announced…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Support the Troops: US Troops to Be Quartered in Private Homes
Posted in Internets Tubes

Facebook Funeral for Computer Game Enthusiast

TOLEDO – Zed Rigby, 65, a life-long computer game enthusiast, died in his home in Toledo, Ohio last Monday. Mr. Rigby leaves behind no family or actual friends, but a number of his virtual friends are now engaged in virtual…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Facebook Funeral for Computer Game Enthusiast
Posted in Biz News

Federal Reserve: “We Can Print Dollars Forever”

WASHINGTON – Federal Reserve chair Janet Yellen yesterday affirmed her confidence that the Federal Reserve Bank can “print dollars forever.” Yellen stated at the National Press Club: “The Federal Reserve can expand its balance sheet indefinitely. We are prepared to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Federal Reserve: “We Can Print Dollars Forever”
Posted in Crime Religionism

Jesus Look-alike Arrested for Feeding 5,000 Homeless People

ORLANDO — A Jesus look-alike was arrested today for violating the Orlando city ordinance against feeding homeless people. Jesús Christos, 33, of Kissimmee, is now being held in Orlando City Jail. RIGHT: Also suspected of turning water into wine for…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jesus Look-alike Arrested for Feeding 5,000 Homeless People
Posted in Politics Technology

The Five Stages of NSA Surveillance Grief

If the recent leaks about the US government’s surveillance of all worldwide electronic communications have left you upset or confused, then you may be experiencing one of the five stages of NSA surveillance grief. Much like Kuebler-Ross’ Five Stages of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Five Stages of NSA Surveillance Grief