Month: November 2010
Jesus: “I Need a Militia Like I Need an A-hole on My Elbow”
ALANSON, Mich. (Glossy News) — When news reached Heaven that a Midwestern militia was discovered training Jesus on handling the upcoming rapture, the Son of God laughed and exclaimed, “I need a militia to help me like I need an…
India Plans Space Station Call Ctr., How May It Help You?
BANGALORE, INDIA (Glossy News) — India plans to launch its first manned space mission in 2016, moving to become the fourth nation to put a man in space (fifth if you count Russia and the USSR separately, which many cold…
Lady Gaga’s Urinal Collection Raising Eyebrows
NEW YORK, NY – There are collectors and then there are collectors — those who transcend the bounds of baubles and nostalgia to dabble in the truly unusual. Some people are content to save stamps or coins. Others express their…
USDA Faces Mounting Pressure to Bail Out Portugal
Economists are questioning why the United States Department of Agriculture would be called on to bail out a foriegn, soveriegn nation, but at the same time, representatives from the USDA have said that “The $14 billion requested only constitutes a…
WalMart To Stock Nobel Peace Prize In Stores For Christmas
Benton, AR – (Glossy News) WalMart retailers across the US are all set to stock The Nobel Peace Prize on their store shelves in time for the Christmas buying season. Officials claim there will be plenty to go around and…
Snubbed the Cast of “Jersey Shore,” Kim Jong Il Attacks S. Korea
SEOUL, South Korea — Fourteen South Korean Marines and two South Korean civilians were injured after North Korea fired dozens of shells at a South Korean border island on Monday. The attack comes only days after it was discovered that…
Younger Palin Comes in “Almost First” Like Mother, Thanks to Gerrymandering
The thick-thighed mistress of spin was served something of a vindication this week, as the hit reality show “Dancing With the Stars” finally succeeded in ousting her daughter from the position she never rightly should have held. Clever vote-rigging and…
Local Satirist Found Dead; Fowl Play Suspected
DUNCAN, OK (Glossynews)– A local satire writer has been found dead in front of his home from multiple gunshot wounds. The assault apparently took place late last night. Police aren’t releasing any information, but several alleged eyewitnesses who prefer to…
TSA Anger Leads Nudist Airlines to Growth, Uprising
Nature Air CEO Calvin Klavan is quick to tell reporters he doesn’t like the term ‘nudist.’ “We’re not nudists; we’re naturists. When you cloth-backs go to the zoo, do you marvel at the ‘nude’ animals? No, of course you don’t….
Haley Barbour Channels Aunt Pittypat to Deny Racism’s Afoot
A secret videotape was recently found of Gov Haley Barbour (R-Miss.) channeling the spirit of Aunt Pittypat from the movie, Gone with the Wind, to let the world know the hubbub over Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell’s omission of slavery, while…