Posted in Politics

Prop 8 SCOTUS Vote Jerks GOPTea© Full Circle

WASHINGTON DC —GlossyNews There’s a small but rising fear in some GOPTea© circles that if SCOTUS agrees that California’s Prop 8 is unconstitutional, Romney will lose a very effective rallying point for evangelical conservatives.

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Posted in Politics

Santorum Endorses Mitt Romney… For Profit

PITTSBURG, PA –GlossyNews Rick Santorum finally threw his support behind presumptive GOPTea™ nominee Mitt Romney, saying to his supporters, “I strongly encouraged Mitt to add me as the Team Conservative Leader, and I am pleased to say that I will…

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Posted in Politics

Trump to Host Romney Bacon-Wrapped Foie Gras Dinner Fundraiser

TRUMP TOWER, NYC —GlossyNews The final logistics for “Trump’s Huge Gourmet Dinner to Fund Gov. Romney” have been released. The Donald announced that “on landing at Kennedy the fortunate attendees – the chosen folk – will receive free post-flight ground…

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Posted in World News

Merkel Readies Device for Stimulating Greeks

BERLIN, GERMANY —GlossyNews Chancellor Merkel of Germany said she would readily agree to stimulating Greece in their G-spot. Germany’s “Iron Lady” says she will use her newly created device called a “Euro-do”, thusly named as it inserts the Euro into…

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Posted in Politics

Gingrich Halted By Month-old Shooting

BATON ROUGE, LA —EBBQ Newt Gingrich hastily called a press conference after appearing on Sean Hannity’s FOXNEWS telecast. He said in opening the sparsely attended 2-reporter conference: “I was completely misquoted in my answer to Sean where he said that…

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Posted in Politics

GOPTea Claims Veep Mittstakes Keep 2012 Election Interesting

BOSTON, Mass. – EBBQ – The range of the GOPTea™ party’s unrolling Veep list rockets from the absurd to the impractical, borders the impossible and suddenly flips back to the absurd — it’s an endless loop. Will we get another…

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Posted in Politics

Etch-A-Mitt™ Galvanizes The GOPTea™

NORTH WISCONSIN  —GlossyNews  “America hasn’t been working,” Romney said at a recent political rally in north Wisconsin, “…and I believe it’s because they don’t have jobs. Wisconsin is like all the rest of the states. Where have all your jobs…

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Posted in Politics

VP 2012: Mitt’s Pick gets Nitpicked

ON THE GOPTEA™ TRAIL —GlossyNews Inevitable, unstoppable, charismatic Juggernaut Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney faced heated questioning this week on the issue of VP selection. The name Rand Paul has been surfacing with increased frequency among Romney confidantes, leading some election watchers…

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Posted in Politics

Gingrich Charged With Felonious Photoshopping

WASHINGTON DC –GlossyNews Newt Gingrich, politician and part-time front runner in the GOPTea™ presidential race, has been charged with “the gravest, most evil transgression that humanity has ever been subjected to.” An activist group claims Mr. Gingrich has been illegally…

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Posted in Politics

Santorum gets suicidal over teleprompters

GOPTEA™ CAMPAIGN TRAIL —GlossyNews Listening to Rick Santorum speak is like listening to him arguing with himself. He keeps arguing and arguing until he realizes he has won. Then he smiles a cheshire cat smile of a grin, and makes…

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Posted in Politics Religionism

Former GOP Candidates May Have Been Raptured

MCLEAN, VA —GlossyNews The recently announced “early departure” of a 43-year-old right wing political activist and blogger has brought to the forefront an investigation into a viral GOPTea™ campaign that has begun figuratively taking down some big players: Bachmann, Cain,…

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Posted in Politics

Fidel Polled Better Than Newt in Miami

MIAMI, FL —GlossyNews In a revealing, some even said shocking, poll taken after the Jacksonville GOPTea™ debate in Florida, Fidel Castro came in 4% ahead of Newt Gingrich, one of the real candidates for the presidential primary contest. The poll…

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Posted in World News

North Korea To Recycle Kim

PYONGYANG, North Korea —GlossyNews The government of North Korea announced on Thursday that it would place the embalmed body of recently passed Kim Jong-il on permanent display next to his father’s body at Kumsusan Palace in Pyongyang and install his…

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Posted in Politics

Newt Reveals ‘Cart Before Horse’ Campaign

DES MOINES, IA —GlossyNews GOPTea Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich proposes to mount a nationwide nomination strategy without the use of a strong professional campaign staff. He says all he has is Callista. Gingrich freely admits it is a dizzy idea….

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Posted in Politics

GOPTea: Rock/Paper/Scissors Instead

WASHINGTON DC —GlossyNews The GOPTea has sent out an amazing alternate proposal to the 50 states, territories and District of Columbia to replace the various GOPTea presidential caucuses and primaries in 2012 with a complicated Rock/Paper/Scissors Contest, or GOPTea–RPS. And…

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Posted in Top Stories

Colorado Cantaloupe Caper Puts Serious Damper on Seniors’ Travels

NEW YORK CITY —GLOSSYNEWS The AARP has publicly called for the immediate, complete and total eradication of cantaloupe farming in Colorado. The state has now admitted to officials that it shipped tens, if not hundreds of thousands of the mountainous,…

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Posted in Health

UK to Smokers: Try #2 Pencils

Cabinet officer says pencil substitution now proven to reduce smoking-related deaths. LONDON, ENGLAND —GLOSSYNEWS The UK Cabinet Office wants cigarette smokers to start biting on #2 pencils to replace the cigs they are smoking,in order to lower the numbers of…

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Posted in Religionism

Camping Not Sure How He Missed Predicting Own Stroke

SOUTH OAKLAND, CA —Glossy News Harold Camping [the American Christian radio host who falsely prophesied that the world would end on May 21] suffered a stroke in June but is slowly recovering. Acting on God’s advice, he will soon be…

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Posted in Politics

Bachmann Claims Decisive 0.93% Victory in Straw Poll

AMES, IA —GlossyNews At $30 each, 16,892 Iowans were trucked to Ames for a day of politickin’ (locally it’s called ‘pot lickin’) and BBQ. A grand $506,760 was the total straw vote cash take for the GOPTea in Ames, Iowa…

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Posted in Politics

Brewing Iowa’s GOPTea Straw Poll

AMES, IA —GlossyNews The Iowa GOPTea party Straw Poll August 13th will be the more unusual considering the political times it will record. GOPTea Chairman Matt Strawn, one-N-short-of-namesaking the Iowa Straw Poll, announced today that the listing of candidates will…

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Posted in Politics

Bachmann Rewrites Wikipedia on The Gays

STILLWATER, MN —EBBQ Asked to respond to Jerry Brown’s earth-shaking revelation that “history should be honest,” in relation to California schools educating students about gay culture, Rep. Bachmann quickly announced that she has just recently become personally involved in rewriting…

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Posted in Politics

Santorum is Definitely ‘In It To Win It’

GMA NEW YORK —GlossyNews “We stood up and didn’t back away. We told everyone, ‘We’re In It to Win It,’ and we didn’t back down. Really, we didn’t back down,” former Senator Rick Santorum said. No one was standing next to…

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Posted in Politics

GOP Debate: You Went Black, Now Go Back (7 of 7)

DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy Recently, seven of the leading extremists of the Tea Party Republicans debated in New Hampshire. This recap is intended for those who tried to stay awake for the whole time, but couldn’t. It’s also OK…

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Posted in Politics

GOP Debate in Review: Come for the Crazy, Stay for the Crazy (6 of 7)

DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy We’re now six-days in on our review of the recent GOP freak show debate. We’re covering seven of the leading Republican Partiers present at the debate in New Hampshire. This recap is intended for those…

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Posted in Politics

GOP Debate Recap: Non-Candidates with Non-Answers (5 of 7)

DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy Even if you haven’t been following our recent series, you may know that recently, seven of the leading extremists of the Tea Party Republicans masterfully debated in New Hampshire. Two hours is a long time…

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