Month: November 2010
TSA Screener Detects Testicular Cancer in Traveler, Saves Life.
SAN NARCISO, Calif. — Ceremonies will be held today in honor of William Fallopian, a local San Narciso boy turned hero. Fallopian, son of Mike Fallopian, a well known Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the Peter Pinguid Society, works for…
Advocacy Group to Toothlessly Protest Redneck Comedians, Unaware of Irony
Cable Professionals United Against Hurtful Stereotypes spokesperson Carl Tuckerson spoke to reporters today on the newly minted group’s grievances and plans. Per Tuckerson, the CPUAHS was formed in defensive reaction to a pervasive, insidious and pernicious media campaign to brand…
DIY Assault Rifle Goes on Sale, Despite ACLU Support
BMB Industries has introduced the new Black Momba Assault Rifle Kit claiming, ‘it can be assembled right in the peace and comfort of your own home using simple, everyday tools.’ The Black Momba kit, model M-160-B assault rifle, will be…
Future Beck Rallies Banned from Lincoln Memorial… by Lincoln
WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Glenn Beck returned quietly late at night months after his famous speech at the Lincoln Memorial to gloat over his success. “I really had ’em in the palm of my hand!” he snickered to himself. The…
Black Friday Specials Rumored to Include Food for the Poor
Women, Infants and Children (WIC) take heart. This year, Black Friday specials offered by stores such as Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, Sam’s Club and others aren’t all about the X-Box. They are all about survival. Instead of offering Wii’s for less…
Driver Shaving Bikini Line Charged with “Unfortunate Accident”
TAMPA, Fla. (Glossy News) — A Florida woman on her way to visit her boyfriend had an accident on busy US Highway 1 today. Investigating officers say the accident occurred while the driver was temporarily distracted giving herself a bikini…
Irish in Feverish Leprechaun Hunt to Rescue Economy
DUBLIN, Ireland – In the wake of some of the worst economic news to hit Ireland for decades, record numbers of Irish people are laying traps hoping to catch the elusive leprechauns and make them hand over the gold in…
Barack Obama Admits Hunting Bigfoot, “Grazing” Him
CHICAGO, Ill. (Glossy News) — Career urbanite and now President, Barack Obama, spoke before a group of hunters and outdoors-men in Boise, Idaho, in an attempt to solidify support from the over 225 million Americans who own firearms and of…
NAMBLA Announces Strong Support of TSA Pat-Down Policy
Spokesman asks, “What? I don’t see the problem.”
TSA Groping Incident Attracts New Employees to Agency
LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Glossy News) — Since the recent incident between Southern California resident John Tyner and the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), which involved the now infamous “groping” scandal, travelers are debating whether to continue moving about the Land of…