Author: TawdrySoup.Com
Limbaugh Weasels Out of Another One
Much to the delight of his listening audience, crow connoisseur, Rush Limbaugh has claimed that Arizona shooter, Jared Lee Loughner is not insane, but psychic. “It’s true,” the egg-splattered Limbaugh proclaimed Wednesday, while doing a mind-bending radio segment about repealing the…
New Donor Cards Provide Cheney Opt-out Option
Bending to demand from potential organ donors, the World Organ Donor Bank, which issues organ donor cards, has printed a box on their cards that allows donors to opt-out when it comes to donating a heart to Vice-President and war…
Palin’s Comeback Trail Begins in Nashville Booby Bar
Nashville, TN-After spending years exercising her First Amendment rights to encourage the murder of someone who wasn’t a “real American,” Sarah Palin’s media career has taken a turn for the worse after several real Americans were murdered by an anti-government…
East Texas Town Succumbs to Old-Fashioned Steapl Chase
Raisin, TX-The East Texas town of Raisin has found itself in a predictable predicament culminating from the holier-than-thou atmosphere that often pervades small towns across the United States. When you approach Raisin, a town of 2500 that sits in a…
Obama Signs New Jim Crow Bill into Law
Washington D.C. – Continuing a perfect record of being a doormat for the Neo-Fascists, President Obama signed a reverse civil rights bill into law today. Specifically, the bill addresses the ire of restaurant owners who are tired of serving pesky colored…
Openly Gay Soldier Personally Loses War on Terror
Washington 2011: The official cause of America’s loss in the Afghanistan war has been traced to an openly gay soldier. The unidentified soldier, known as “Pretty Tony “ by his fellow soldiers, enlisted soon after the military dropped its opposition…
Google Buys Wikileaks for an Undisclosed $30 Billion USD
Mountain View, CA- GlossyNews.com In what is likely the fastest negotiated buyout in history, mega-corporation Google will purchase the redheaded stepchild of the information age, Wikileaks.org, from founder J. Paul Assange for a staggering, undisclosed sum of $30 billion USD….
Baby Boomer Planning Ap Pushes Retirement Age to 170
A new computer application available to baby boomers, who are now reaching retirement age at the rate of 10,000 a day, allows optimistic boomers to plan for an affluent retirement at the ripe old age of 170. The program allows…
Chinese Ports Await Massive Christmas Cash Delivery
The Chinese ports of Shanghai and Shenzhen are preparing to unload dozens of giant freighters. The ships are filled to the brim with cash made from selling Americans millions of tons of cheap junk over the Christmas holidays. Fueled by…
Jesus: “I Need a Militia Like I Need an A-hole on My Elbow”
ALANSON, Mich. (Glossy News) — When news reached Heaven that a Midwestern militia was discovered training Jesus on handling the upcoming rapture, the Son of God laughed and exclaimed, “I need a militia to help me like I need an…