TSA Anger Leads Nudist Airlines to Growth, Uprising

Nature Air CEO Calvin Klavan is quick to tell reporters he doesn’t like the term ‘nudist.’ “We’re not nudists; we’re naturists. When you cloth-backs go to the zoo, do you marvel at the ‘nude’ animals? No, of course you don’t. Yes, we’re a damned profitable business. But first and foremost we’re a movement whose time has arrived.”

He spoke to Glossy News this week from Nature Air’s Vista Verdad, AZ corporate offices, about the fledgling carrier’s stunning recent success.

Mr. Klavan is a tall, heavyset man best described as very late middle aged. His office is decorated in neutral tones with landscape prints lining the walls. “How can you stand wearing all that? You look like you’re suffocating! Look at me; this is much more natural and comfortable.”

Klavan’s landscape prints favor the work of Ansel Adams. That one there, way on the other side of the room from his desk is called ‘Yosemite at Dawn’ I believe.

“Well we’re not trying to hide anything; of course there’s an aspect of windfall to Nature Air’s recent success. We started as a shuttle service flying naturists to select destinations, and now look at all this!”

Nature Air’s CEO went on to reveal a Cinderella tale of pluck and luck. “Our first big test was the LAX to Denver route. TSA had already given us approval, but we were getting plenty of pushback from the prudes, FOX News and all that. ACLU to the rescue though, and you know what? I never even knew I had a Constitutional right to be nude, I mean natural in public places, until this whole thing surfaced.”

It’s undeniable non-nudists have flooded to Nature Air in recent weeks, attracted by the no frill, no hassle service. Carry-on luggage is prohibited, as are shoes, so there is little to none TSA involvement in the process. Passengers are encouraged to arrive ‘natural’ around ten minutes before boarding.

Calvin Klavan grew excited in discussing Nature Air’s future plans. He rose from his desk to gesture at a large map as he explained 2011 expanded service routes.

Nature Air’s corporate headquarters in Vista Verdad, AZ are immaculately landscaped, as the view from CEO Klavan’s windows quickly reveals. Everywhere one looks, groundskeepers are busily… oh, they’re naked too.

Yes that Adams print is definitely called ‘Yosemite at Dawn’ I think.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.