Month: July 2010
Theoretical Physicist Fails to Impress Americas Got Talent Judges with Wormhole Act
CHICAGO, Illinois (GlossyNews) — Things got a little strange Wednesday night in Chicago when a one-man act by the name of Arcus Temporis came on stage armed only with a chalkboard and a piece of chalk and an eraser. “What…
Kate Gosselin Serves Pet Rooster for Dinner
WYOMISSING, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — This week’s installment of Kate Plus Eight entitled “We Named the Pet Rooster Jon” has Kate using every opportunity she can to let her audience know in no uncertain terms that her life is shit because…
BP’s Neverending Flow of Ideas on How to Stop the Oil Spill
MOBILE, Alabama (GlossyNews) — In their never ending effort to cap the bottomless Gulf oil leak, those ever creative minds at BP are coming up with endless new possibilities to shut it down. Their highest level officials and engineers have…
Switzerland Pardons ‘Barefoot Bandit’
CARVILLE, Louisiana (GlossyNews) — Posted by your South America (and also Caribbean) correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. We didn’t know, so we checked around. Nobody else knew either. And I’m talking smart people here? Geraldo Rivera, the internationally respected dean…
Pack of Gray Wolves Hunted Down Like Animals
BUTTE, Montana – The surviving members of a pack of gray wolves have claimed innocence in the ongoing battle between sheep ranchers and environmentalists, after an entire flock of sheep was found dead without any sign of wolves in the…
Michael Steele calls Obama ‘Whitey’
PULASKI, Tennessee (GlossyNews) — Insiders predict RNC Chairman Michael Steele will soon decide to ‘spend more time with my family’ in the wake of his recent faux pas. It appears Steele has violated the most revered tenet of the DC…
Obama Imposes Shopping Cart Safety Measures for Kids
BALTIMORE, Maryland (GlossyNews) — The Obama Administration, in another unprecedented exercise of governmental control, has ordered the Consumer Protection Agency to implement sweeping new safety codes to protect children in shopping carts. The strict new rules will carry the force…
Palin Stealth-Launches 2018 Campaign w/ Tween Biography
It seems Sarah Palin is looking to expand her approval among likely voters by looking in an unlikely place; the not-too-distant future. If she can dominate the emerging evangelist demographic, it may be enough to just push the vote, and…
BP Oil Reaches Five Flags Pensacola, Danica Patrick Spins Out, Obviously
The oil gusher in the Gulf of Mexico has spread east as far as Pensacola, Florida, where the Five Flags race track is located. In response, noted NASCAR also-ran and female driver Danica Patrick showed her solidarity for her suffering…
Movie Review: ‘South of the Border’ is Dumb
Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. RIO DE JANEIRO, Brasil (NovedadesGlossy) US opening weekend, the new Oliver Stone documentary grossed $21,545. Don’t let that low gross fool you; this film is highly gross. It’s grosser than…