PULASKI, Tennessee (GlossyNews) — Insiders predict RNC Chairman Michael Steele will soon decide to ‘spend more time with my family’ in the wake of his recent faux pas. It appears Steele has violated the most revered tenet of the DC code; don’t make political news in July.
First expressed by President Henry Clay in 1846, the full text of his letter to Senator Byrd reads as follows: “Our Founders were wise, they thought deep. They placed the seat of Federal power in a humid, fetid, hellish swamp because that was a way to keep we blood filled ticks away from the jugular vein of the American people, at least two months out of the year. Any craven blackguard who would draw us back to our desks in July merits the opprobrium of all opportunists.”
In utter defiance of what’s called ‘the Clay doctrine’ Mr. Steele brought ‘more time with my family’ upon himself recently, in remarks at a GOP fundraiser. Although members of the Press were excluded, someone had a cell phone.
The RNC Chairman excoriated President Obama for launching a war against Afghanistan. According to the cell phone video, which has gone viral on YouTube, just edging out a baby dancing to Lady Gaga, Steele said the following: “This President doesn’t get it.”
Warming to his topic, Chairman Steele continued. “Isn’t it common knowledge, Afghanistan is the graveyard of imperial ambitions? You can’t bomb these people back to the Stone Age; they already live in the Stone Age! Yet, this inexperienced President insisted on attacking people who live eleven time zones away and want nothing more than to cultivate Opium and terrorize women. Know why he did that? Because he’s half Caucasian. Whitey doesn’t get people of color.”
According to Gloria, bartender at DC’s famed ‘Make it look like a Business expense’ bistro, Mr. Steele will soon be forced to “pursue other career opportunities.”
“Yeah, I was all ready to have a week with Evan in Jamaica; he’s a Lieberman staffer. I changed my schedule and everything, and now it’s all off, thanks to Michael Steele. Bet lots of stories like that are going on all over Washington. So yeah, the dude is toast.”
Reached for comment, RNC Chairman Steele said, “Monkey spit monkey spit! Commie zombies, how is Kenneth doing?”