Category: Sports
Olympics Save Money By Giving Out Fool’s Gold Trophies
In an attempt to curtail expenses the Olympic Committee has taken the measure of exchanging 1st place gold trophies with ones made out of fool’s gold, the famous mineral often mistaken for gold by enterprising miners. These pseudo statues will…
Whipping Set to Replace Screeching in Olympic Curling
Dateline: Lausanne, Switzerland—After an Olympic curler died of a heart attack from haranguing her teammates as they swept the ice, the International Olympic Committee has ruled that instead of yelling so much for no good reason, curlers in the next…
Comatose Broncos Fan Awakens to Horrible Reality
A Denver Broncos fan who has been in a coma since 5 minutes into the Superbowl has finally awakened and close friends are unsure how to tell him what happened. According to witnesses, Tindell Higby III, a University of Colorado…
Denver’s Offensive Playbook Found
Rutherford, New Jersey – Following the Denver Broncos horrific 43-8 loss in Super Bowl XLVIII to the Seattle Seahawks at MetLife Stadium, fans were left scratching their heads trying to determine what happened to the NFL’s top ranked offense that…
Sober Russians Pose Security Threat At Sochi
Each week the Russian military, secret police and Sochi security authorities receive dozens of homemade videos made by ethnic Russians threatening terrorist attacks on innocent civilians at the Sochi Olympics. Almost all are dismissed as the drunken rankings of misfits,…
Tailgator Arrested
Gainesville, Florida – Police enforcement adjacent to the University of Florida announced Thursday that they made an arrest in a case brought to their attention by a concerned citizen. The police received a 911 call Saturday morning that a disorderly…
George Zimmerman To Box Black Ewok
Alamo, TX – Boxing promoter Damon Feldman announced today he has inked a deal for cult neighborhood watch leader George Zimmerman to fight black dwarf actor Tony Cox in a celebrity boxing match to be held in Selma, Alabama on…
What Would Have Happened Had The Packers Played The Seahawks For The Super Bowl
Far beyond the reaches of normal men’s consciousnesses there exists a part of the etheric worlds where what could have been still can be. All events as remembered by the minds of men are not held fast in memories lock,…
49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night
The San Francisco 49ers had a terrible 12-4 season, but this Sunday they face the Seattle Seahawks with a stunning 13-3 regular season record. Facing certain defeat, 49ers fans are widely expected to commit mass, ritual suicide. The Seahawks have…
Dennis Rodman Found Drunk Face Down in Pyongyang Alley
PYONGYANG, N. KOREA – Dennis Rodman is alive and, at present, sober after being found face down in a small mud puddle in an alleyway adjacent to the Pyongyang stadium where he sang “Happy Birthday” to N. Korean leader Kim…