Sober Russians Pose Security Threat At Sochi

Each week the Russian military, secret police and Sochi security authorities receive dozens of homemade videos made by ethnic Russians threatening terrorist attacks on innocent civilians at the Sochi Olympics.

Almost all are dismissed as the drunken rankings of misfits, homosexuals or comsymps.

However,in mid December they received a video from two Chechnyans taking credit for the terrorist bombing at a train station in Volgograd that killed 34 people.

According to Russian authorities the two appeared “surprisingly sober”.

Additionally, Sochi anti terrorism police are concerned about female terrorist Ruzanna Ibragimova, nicknamed “The Black Widow”, who has been threatening to make the streets of Sochi run red with blood.

The head of Sochi Security was quoted as saying they are worried because “she keeps her clothes on and doesn’t have the usual scars, tats and bruises one would expect from your average drunken Russian twenty something”.

The US State Department has issued travel advisories to American athletes and tourists going to Sochi “to avoid all Russians that don’t appear to be drinking heavily”.

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