Categorized | Crime, Sports

Tailgator Arrested

Tailgator Arrested

Gainesville, Florida – Police enforcement adjacent to the University of Florida announced Thursday that they made an arrest in a case brought to their attention by a concerned citizen.

The police received a 911 call Saturday morning that a disorderly tailgater was acting inappropriately due to alleged alcohol consumption and was causing a disturbance in one of the parking lots outside of the school’s football stadium.

“When we arrived at the scene, one of our officers came to the conclusion that there were no games being played that day and no tailgaters were present,” said Police Chief, Jefferson Dirpmicobo. “However, our officers did spot a six-foot gator drinking from a solo cup and made the arrest to ensure they did their due diligence,” added Dirpmicobo.

The solo cup being used by the offender was immediately confiscated and sent to the crime lab for forensic examination. Analysts determined that the troubled gator had been consuming Keystone Light, a product of Coors Brewing Company and a go-to beer for college students with minimal budgets.

Alligators are reptiles native only to the United States and China and can reach lengths of up to 14 feet and 1,000 pounds when fully mature.

Scientists have recently been studying the effects alcohol has on alligators, following the death of famed singer, Justin Bieber, who was eaten alive by a large gator after beating the tough-skinned creature in a game of beer pong on January 7th. The results of those studies are still being calculated, but the legendary band, Queen, along with former singer, Paul Rodgers, recently announced that they have reunited to release a new track titled, Bieberian Rhapsody, in honor of the deceased star.


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The Cat has always been a great mystery on GlossyNews. Not easily recognized by the naked eye, it publishes in the dead of night and bites like an alligator gar. To stay up to date with the Cat, please visit and follow the Cat on Twitter @itsacatcomedy


One Response to “Tailgator Arrested”

  1. FreeMann says:

    How about just Facebook, no more “the.” Gotta remove the actual from the title.


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