Categorized | Crime, Sports

Tailgator Arrested!

Tailgator Arrested!

Gainesville, Florida – Police enforcement adjacent to the University of Florida announced Thursday that they made an arrest in a case brought to their attention by a concerned citizen.

The police received a 911 call Saturday morning that a disorderly tailgater was acting inappropriately due to alleged alcohol consumption and was causing a disturbance in one of the parking lots outside of the school’s football stadium.

“When we arrived at the scene, one of our officers came to the conclusion that there were no games being played that day and no tailgaters were present,” said Police Chief, Jefferson Dirpmicobo. “However, our officers did spot a six-foot gator drinking from a solo cup and made the arrest to ensure they did their due diligence,” added Dirpmicobo.

The solo cup being used by the offender was immediately confiscated and sent to the crime lab for forensic examination. Analysts determined that the troubled gator had been consuming Keystone Light, a product of Coors Brewing Company and a go-to beer for college students with minimal budgets.

Alligators are reptiles native only to the United States and China and can reach lengths of up to 14 feet and 1,000 pounds when fully mature.

Scientists have recently been studying the effects alcohol has on alligators, following the death of famed singer, Justin Bieber, who was eaten alive by a large gator after beating the tough-skinned creature in a game of beer pong on January 7th. The results of those studies are still being calculated, but the legendary band, Queen, along with former singer, Paul Rodgers, recently announced that they have reunited to release a new track titled, Bieberian Rhapsody, in honor of the deceased star.

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 24 posts on GlossyNews.com.

In the history of mannkind, there have only been a handful of individuals with the talent to take genuine news and completely warp it into something that will convince an audience to believe the unbelievable. FreeMann is one of those select few. From Breadstick Island, California, he has been writing comedy, satire and parody for more than 10 years and has been published all over the web and produced on radio stations across the country. He is credited with writing the screenplays "Bar Critics," "Breadsterastyx," "Breadsterafish" and enjoys listening to "Purple Rain" and Hall & Oates on repeat.

.

One Response to “Tailgator Arrested!”

  1. FreeMann says:

    How about just Facebook, no more “the.” Gotta remove the actual from the title.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks


Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Check out our friends:
Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Glossy Exclusive Video: How Hot Dogs are REALLY Made
(Comment on this video here)
-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

6 posts
3 posts
2 posts
1 post
1 post


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial